Living on a new ship that’s still being finished is not exactly living la viva loca. There is the constant banging for example which only stops when my neighbor gets out of bed and goes to work. Seriously, there is constant things making noise as they work, the things that still need to be completed, the air conditioning which is in on and off all day and then most of all there is the music which is played through the emergency system. Remember, we don’t own the ship yet and so Fincantieri have command and they are playing a constant mix of what someone told me was “Euro Pop and Drum and Bass.”

It is apparently designed to give the yard workers energy and drive to get their work done. All it makes me want to do is insert a CD player up Luigi’s bottom. Honestly, it’s driving me crazy and yes, I can understand in a way that if your hammering or drilling or painting or having rumpy pumpy with a Latvian, then the rhythm is going to help. But when you are trying to design Fun Times, have meetings and write this blog, listening to someone slap their bitch up…….is bloody annoying.

But the work is carrying on and there is no doubt about it your Carnival Magic is looking good and that’s thanks to the brilliant people at Fincantieri and I must salute their incredible work. No wonder they are considered the best in the business and once again they have proven that here on this ship.

Now imagine building this ship, from scratch, how they do it I have no idea, especially when I can’t even manage a tiny dollop of DYI.

I have no idea why you and I even bother. You may be a cruise director, or an accountant or a male stripper but at weekends you can easily turn your hand to a bit of carpentry and put up a bookshelf……in the same way that the President Obama can just pop out to McDonald’s or Victoria’s Secret to buy some sexy underwear.

Anyway, I am crap at DIY, I mean really, really bad, but I forgot that on Wednesday night. It was 8 pm and the rest of the staff had all buggered off to some bar for pizza and to talk about Justin Beaver and someone called Glee who they are all missing. So, I was alone and because I have no TV in my cabin yet I had bugger all to do. Anyway, there was a big piece of ceiling that had sort of……..well…….fallen. Well, it hadn’t actually fallen it was just hanging half on and half off and so as there was bugger all to do I decided to try and push it up myself……….oops.

I tried with my hands first but the edges would not slot into place and so I decided to give it a little tap with the heel of my shoe…………..ummmmm……………and the whole panel then decided to fall out but didn’t hit the floor because it was suspended from the ground by a big bunch of wires that were hanging from it. So now I have a ceiling panel swinging gently in the cabin and a bunch of wires that for all I know could be important stuff. I was in the s**t.

I should have known what to do but I didn’t because I am crap as I said and Heidi has banned me from ever trying DIY in the house. I am a fish out of water when it comes to this stuff. Whenever I go into a Home Depot I get a sense that everyone knows what to do and what to buy. Nobody speaks. You only point with your feet and you never ask questions because you never admit that you don’t know. Asking is like pointing at another man’s gentlemen’s sausage in sauna in the Cloud 9 Spa and saying: “What’s that for?”

This is truly not an exaggeration. I promise that the following morning my cabin was echoing to the sound of saws and drills as the ceiling panel I attempted to “improve” is mended by seven Italian professionals all of whom have reminded me that I am fat and I am a bastard. Suitably bollocked I have vowed never to pick up any form of tool ever again or try to build, repair or make anything………both Heidi and Fincantieri are very happy. By the way, the laundry still isn’t working……..and that means one very unhappy Ketut.

Lets crack on with some questions……………………off we go.

CCBradley Asked:
John, (reply if you care),

I think it’s disgusting that during your little cronies cruise you elected Norman as the leader of the Cruise Critic group. We already have a nominated group representative called Hank who you have upset Hank and many of us by trying this overthrow and you now have even more people who post Cruise Critic who dislike you and many of them are on the Magic with you. You owe Hank a public apology and more.

John Says:
Hello CCBradley,

I know this post is a few weeks old now and may have hopefully already been settled but just in case I want to say something on this subject. I really want to get this clear that I did not or was never in a position to……..make Norman or anyone else the leader of anything. He came to me with some suggestions (very good ones I might add) for activities for your Cruise Critic group and I said that I would be happy to help organise them. At that time I had never heard of Hank or had any idea the group had a leader. So while I can’t apologise for the accusation that I attempted to overthrow anyone, because I didn’t……….it’s simply not true.

I will certainly apologise to Hank if this situation has caused him any discomfort or concern. I am very sorry to read that I am disliked and honestly, I can’t figure out why because all I have ever wanted to do is to help when asked and provide a mix of fun and information. Regardless, I look forward to seeing the entire group here on your Carnival Magic and do all I can to make it a wonderful cruise. Please tell Hank if there is anything he needs my help with to let me know.

Best wishes,


Van the Man Asked:
John reply please

I will be sailing on the Freedom April 23rd and am looking forward to having fun on my first carnival cruise line cruise. I am taking my mother with me and had a request. even though I’m aware that most people are social butterflies I am not and I would really enjoy my cruise better if I could somehow have a table for 2? I don’t really have a preference to time or location just as long as I can eat my dinner in peace and not have to worry about making idle talk with people I don’t care about. Can you make this happen? My booking number is ________.

John Says:
Hello Van the Man,

It will be an honour to welcome you onboard the Carnival Freedom and I will do my best to accommodate your request through the maitre d. I deleted your booking number as while posting cabin numbers is not a major concern I was told that booking numbers should not be published.

Best wishes to you and Mum and have a great cruise.


Mike from VA Asked:

This is in response to Mr. Dennis Moore. I too once envisioned one of those relaxing cruises. One where I could do absolutely nothing but chill and enjoy some alone time with my wife of over 28 years. We decided to go to the show the 1st night and our cruise were forever changed…… It was that 1st night on “my” Carnival Freedom that my wife was pick to go on stage and I laugh my arse off at her getting selected. (Never in 100 years would she have volunteered). Not long after that my laughing backfired on me as I had to approach the stage EVERY night to profess my LOVE for my wife. I still cringe when I hear the “V” word.

My advice for you is that if you want a relaxing alone cruise don’t go when JOHN HEALD is the CD cause I can attest as to what can happen. If the BEST cruise of your life is what you are after make SURE you cruise when JOHN is the CD…. you will NEVER regret it.

Best to “YOUR” girls and keep on doing what you do and do it “YOUR WAY”.

Platinum in 14 days.


John Says:
Hello Mike from VA,

Wonderful memories mate and I wish you with me here now so I could see your wonderful dancing all over again. You were a great sport and I hope one day we get to sail with each other again and this time I will leave you in peace…………..well……………maybe not.

Best wishes to you both


Joe Cabrini Asked:

John (Please reply)

Just got off Liberty. On the day we were supposed to dock in Turks & Caicos, the Captain canceled the port because it was too windy & wasn’t safe to dock. I was on deck at 8:00am and the wind didn’t even move my hair so this was obviously one of those times that I have read about when carnival cancels ports so they can make money in the bars and casinos. What made me and every other passenger so angry was that we were given no compensation for this while when on a Celebrity cruise last fall we missed a port and were given 25% off that cruise and 25% off a future cruise. Carnival has lots to learn and it’s a lesson to late to learn for me because I won’t be on your ships again after this disastrous cruise from hell. I have written to you customer service department and got a computer generated reply and was told by people on Cruise Critic to contact you for reimbursement.

John Says:
Hello Joe Cabrini,

I am very sorry that your missed a port Joe and I know how disappointing this can be. However, to suggest that we do this on purpose in order to produce revenue in on board is simply not true and when I read comments like this it makes my hemorrhoids flare up. Anytime we miss a port and we announce that it’s due to inclement weather because that’s the reason. The end. Oh except to say that we will have refunded thousands of dollars in shore excursion revenue and the return of the port charges to each and every guest. I can’t comment on what another cruise line does in this situation because I don’t have the facts but…….I will say that I would be as surprised as hamster who found an elephant in his refrigerator if indeed another cruise line gave those refunds for missing a port due to bad weather.

I am going to put your description of this being the cruise from hell down to your disappointment of missing Grand Turk and finish by saying that I hope you will realise that probably, up until then, you were having a brilliant time and this will truly hope have you reconsidering your decision not to cruise with us again.

Best wishes,


Paula and Carla Asked:
Dear John~~~Please Reply,

I am very concerned because there was a piece in our local paper that said because of the unpopularity of the cruise industry in Charleston, Carnival would be leaving in 2012. Please tell me this is not true because it would be a real shame if a few radicals were to win. Also, we love the Fantasy and have sailed on her three times since she came to Charleston. Are there any plans to add some balcony cabins like Sensation? I hope to get some good news from you soon. We read the blog every day and are now hooked on your Facebook reports as well.

Paul and Carla

John Says:
Hello Paula and Carla,

I can tell you that at this time I haven’t seen any announcements to add balconies to any other Fantasy class ships. I can also tell you that Charleston is a very important home port for us and I’ve heard of no plans to stop sailing from your beautiful city.

Best wishes to you both,


Kelli Woodman Asked:
Dear John (Please reply),

I’m giving this blog thingy a try. Thanks for the instructions on posting I received in response to my FB post.

We are sailing on the Victory on June 12, 2011 and our cabin is 1284. We are so looking forward to this cruise. I have a question (after some background). On our last cruise on the Liberty (last June) we had “anytime dining”. Although we liked that we could go to dinner anytime we didn’t like waiting in line to be seated (during the busy times) or sitting in a different section and not getting to know the wait-staff or have them get to know us. So we chose the early seating this time. We would like to sit with a group of people so we can “mingle” and meet some people. Ok. Now the question. If we ask for a large table, but wind up hating it, can we switch to a table for two? And how/when do you ask for your table preference? Although we don’t drink, we don’t mind being with people who do drink, but we absolutely do not want to be with kids. If being at a large table means (even maybe) being seated with children then we would rather have a table for two.

This will be our first cruise as non-smokers. We are so excited. Although we were very happy with the smoking policy on Carnival Ships we know we are going to be so much happier being non-smokers on a Carnival Ship. We promise not to be non-smoking snobs.

We really enjoy your blog thingy and FB posts and look forward to cruising with you one day.


John Says:
Hello Kelli Woodman,

Many congratulations on giving up smoking and I wish you continuing success with this. I can arrange the table for you with other guests but I should mention that once you are with others it will be hard the next day to change to a table you want……..not impossible but certainly not guaranteed. You have a few weeks before you sail so give it some thought and then let me know here or on FB how I can help further.

Best wishes to all,


Kathi Oppenheimer Asked:
Dear John,

I m a newby to your blog. But have been an avid reader for the past few months. We were with you on the Freedom Aug ’09, and greatly enjoyed having you as our CD. We will again be cruising with you on the Magic May 10 sailing, cabin 8384. This will be our 4th Carnival Cruise. I have two questions that hopefully you can answer since the Carnival planners couldn’t. We will be spending the night in Venice, will there be any excursions offered for the 2nd day? (I can’t find anything) Also, my husband thinks we don’t need any Euros that everything can be paid by credit card (what about tips?). If needed, where do we do this? You can probably tell this is our first trip to Europe. (At least my first trip) Thank you for all your help. Also, I love hearing about Heidi and Kye. They both seem quite extraordinary.



P.S. I’m from Texas so I must be one of those loud mouths that people complain about—What they don’t understand is that Texans are just generally happy, friendly people. Thanks for standing up for us.

John Says:
Hello Kathi Oppenheimer,

I am glad you will be joining me here on your Carnival Magic and let me start by answering the money question. While everything on the ship will be purchased and priced in US dollars, everything in Europe with the exception of Dubrovnik will be marked in euros. It is probably best I point out that the shops, taxis and restaurants will not take US dollars at all and because some have a minimum amount and because most European taxis don’t take credit cards I would have some euros on hand for sure. These will be available from the ATMs ashore. Now we do have money changing facilities onboard but honestly our rates are not good as those on land and you will be better off purchasing them before you go or from an ATM ashore in the ports using your ATM card and PIN number. There will be lots of excursions in Venice during the second day and they are listed now for you to be able to choose. Please let me know if you have any other questions. See you soon.

Best wishes to you both,


Hornblower Asked:

Can you recommend a good place to by Cuban Cigars during my Legend cruise in May? Some place that sells the real Cuban Cigars not the fake ones. I also want to add my cigar story to today’s blog about smoking. I was on my balcony on the Liberty last fall and was smoking a cigar on my balcony when the person on the balcony next to me started making what were obviously fake coughing noises. The husband then shouted across that he was going to report me to the ship and that if I didn’t put that “stinking cigar out” he would have me taken off the ship. I knew my rights and that I was allowed but I did put it out not because of his threats but because he was very upset and it seemed the right thing to do. John, what would you have done in that situation. I know you are a cigar smoker and so would like your input please

Thanks so much for all you do

John Says:
Hello Hornblower,

Let’s start with your question about the cigars and where to buy them. The problem with cigars, especially those from Cuba, is that most of them are as fake as the cough you heard on the balcony next door to yours. Many of the cigar rollers will take the crap that’s left over at the end of the day, roll a few, stick a band on them and call them “premium Cuban cigars.” The most faked cigars are Cohibas, Monte Cristos and Romeo Y Julietas. They look real, feel real but like Pamela Andersen’s breasts…….they are hard and taste of chemicals.

Another good way to tell is the price. A decent and pure Cuban cigar will never be less than $20, with the more popular ones such as Monte Cristo #2, Cohiba Siglo V and Romeo Julietta Churchills running about $20 to $30 a cigar. If they are charging $10, or so…..yep………they are fake. Cozumel has many shops selling cigars. Most are fake……..pure and simple. The best places to buy cigars that are 100% real is at a Casa De Habana…….and the only one of those is in Grand Cayman. It is on the waterfront and owned by a great chap and a true cigar aficionado whose name is Emilio. Buy your cigars from there. Anywhere else there will be a good chance that you will smoke something that tastes like my underpants.

Well, what would I have done? Well, if I was a guest and not the CD I would have probably done the same as you because that’s the way God made me. However, I would have been back out there to smoke a cigar when they weren’t on the balcony because that’s what we allow.

I hope one day we get to smoke a cigar together

Long ashes to you


Tambra Asked:

Hello John (Reply if you wish)

Our vacation planner Carey Sackener thought that you might enjoy hearing the story of my 7yr old son who wants to grow up and be a Cruise Director…. and write a book. In January 2010 my husband, mother, brother, and 5 children cruised with Carnival. This was our first cruise and also the first holiday season after the death of my father. Our children ranged in age from 5 to 13 at the time. Each of our children enjoyed our trip, but our youngest talked about our cruise almost daily. This went on for months with many questions as to when “he” could go on another cruise. Kierce was in Kindergarten at the time and had a career day at school. When we questioned him as to what he wanted to be, his reply was…. “I want to work on a cruise….. and write a book.” His plans have not changed; a year later and still the same reply. Although he says that constantly hearing our cruise director’s announcements were annoying, he likes to say “This is Kierce your Cruise Director” followed buy some crazy event his young mind conjured up. Kierce is currently undergoing treatment for a medical condition which requires us to travel to out of town doctors. His stuffed lion “Alex” which he made on our cruise has accompanied us to every visit proudly sporting his carnival cruise lines shirt.

John Says:
Hello Tambra,

While many kids dream of becoming a lawyer, a doctor or police officer, I salute your son’s ambition and choice of career. I hope that he follows his dream. Here is a quick message to him.

Hello Kierce,

This is your Cruise Director John speaking. I hope one day you can come cruise with me so I can show you behind the scenes and what a CD does. Good luck mate and keep practicing those announcements.


Thanks Tambra and best wishes to you both


David Snell Asked:

Please reply John,

Your web site sucks. I have to say, if it were me, I wouldn’t want one of the first impressions of my guests to be that of frustration in just trying to print simple documents. The additional cost of paper docs might be worth the potential loss of revenue if people continue to be so frustrated.

And this isn’t the first time me, or other cruisers (as evidence by many complaints on Cruise Critic) have had with the website. It seems to me that considering Carnival is in the hospitality industry (something we often debate on Cruise Critic), and as large of a company it is, they could find someone more suitable to run the website so that it works because whoever is running it now is an idiot. What are you doing about it?

John Says:

Hello David Snell,

Well I have to say that while I understand the transition from paper to on line docs was difficult for some to take in, I think your words about our current web site are a little strong. I spoke to “the idiot” in charge and he told me that the e-docs program was designed to be fairly quick and user friendly. We regularly monitor feedback from our users and so far, the majority has indicated it has been a seamless process. However, you can expect an e-mail directly from someone who has now been charged to help you with your concerns. I hope this helps and please let me know if you need help.

Best wishes


That’s all for today. I will be back with more Q and A on Monday.

I thought you might like to meet another member of the entertainment team here on your Carnival Magic and so…… here she is.

My name is Melissa Ford, and I’m from a small town called Lindsay, in Ontario, Canada.  I’ve been working for Carnival for 5 years, and after completing six contracts as Entertainment Staff, and two as Assistant Cruise Director, I have the honour of heading up a brand new position on the Carnival Magic.  As Media Coordinator, I will be handling the creation of your daily Fun Times.  The Carnival Magic has several other great ways that you can access information about the fun taking place on your cruise, and my job is to keep that information up to date.  I look forward to this new challenge, and also having the chance to reconnect with many of the guests I have sailed with in the past.

Melissa Ford, Entertainment Staff, Carnival Magic

They are a great team and along with ACD James Charlton whose bio I posted a couple of weeks ago they make up a brilliant team who are already working very hard to get the ship ready for fun.

What else is happening?

Well we are just two weeks away now from the handover ceremony and starting next week, I think I will be ready to post photos of the entire ship and cabins. They are still dressing her and putting the final touches to her and I didn’t want to show you these areas until they were completely ready………..and that will be next week.

Now yesterday I was joined by a press group from the UK who had a firsthand look at the ship. Now these are professional writers whose columns are placed in the best selling publications in the UK. They use proper words and correct punctuation…….yep………these are proper journalists. My great friend and bearded reporter Captain Greybeard writes for the Daily Mirror which is what we in the UK call a Red Top newspaper. Often his paper will have brilliant headlines using words you or I would never use in real life such as romp, love rat and scandalous.

They come up with brilliant headlines these Red Top reporters. When Dame Judi Dench served as godmother for the Carnival Legend, the bottle didn’t break. And so while Italian officers touched their private parts as superstition demands, Dame Judy walked up the gangway and smashed the bottle on the structure of the ship. Unfortunately the wind blew the champagne right back into her face and she was soaked. Someone at the Sun newspaper came up with this headline the following day “Dame Judi Drench”……………………..very creative indeed.

Anyway, Captain Greybeard and the other journalists, have all seen dozens and dozens of new ships and I am sure they will report their own findings regarding your Carnival Magic. What I can tell you is that they all seemed to really enjoy the ship and we shall see what they write about it in their own columns, which, I will link here on the blog thingy.

Now, they were very lucky because they were the first ever people to try the RedFrog Caribbean-inspired snacks and here are some photos of some of the dishes. Remember, each one is $3.33 and I think many of you are about to say “mmmmmmmm” in unison when you see this.

Anyway, it was an honour to have them onboard and here they are with Carnival’s President and CEO Gerry Cahill who was visiting the ship.

Gerry was very happy with the ship that was obvious. He is not a man that shows his emotions obviously, but there were times when it was clear that he was very excited about his new flagship. You know, I haven’t spoken much about the décor of the ship and because there is still a lot of work going on, I haven’t wanted to post too many photos until everything is ready.

But I can tell you that this ship is a little different because Joe Farcus our incomparable architect has done it again with the Carnival Magic, albeit with a somewhat different style than other ships. There are definitely places where his fun personality shines through such as with the rabbits peeping out of top hats by the casino. Overall however, the colours are more relaxed, a little more subtle if you will. I think you are all going to absolutely love it. This will be the last ship where Mr. Farcus will be the overall interior designer and that means the Carnival Breeze will be exciting to see as we head in a new architecturally direction.

Joe’s unmistakable design stamp will always be obvious, because our ships serve as an escape from the norm and truly reflect what Carnival is all about …….fun. Just glance at the decor of your downtown buildings or shopping mall, or the office where you work, or the station where you wait for your train, or the train itself… will almost certainly be as soulless as toilet brush. I take this moment to salute Joe Farcus because in a world that simply doesn’t care about making our daily grind that little bit more fun…… his designs stand out..…. Joe + Farcus = Fun. Thank you Joe…….oh and by the way …….. my bathroom at home …….. is decorated with pink spots.

Carnival Magic looks amazing and the lounges and entertainment spaces are some of the best I have ever seen. There have been lots of changes in the senior beards in Miami with three new senior vice presidents and two newly promoted executive vice presidents and the Carnival Magic is the first ship that they have been able to put their signature on. And with the RedFrog Pub, Cucina de Capitano, SportSquare and other features, they certainly have given you all so much more to enjoy…..oh and from what I hear…… Carnival Breeze will be unlike any other Carnival vessel and…….just between me and you……sssshhhh……..there are plans to so something massively exciting to one of our existing ships in 2012………….ssshhhhh.

I have to say that the beards have been brilliant in allowing me the freedom to write what I feel here on the blog. I was concerned a few months ago that they would maybe not allow me to do so and would want the blog “edited” which would have meant the end of it for sure. But, that hasn’t happened and I am thankful to Jim Berra, Mark Tamis, Gus Antorcha Ruben Rodriguez for allowing me to continue to write in this way. And of course Gerry who flew back to Miami today realising I think that with the Carnival Magic……..he has a ship that everyone is going to absolutely love.

The star of the new show……..mmmmm…..…..that’s a tough one and until we get guests onboard it’s probably too early to say. It could be the new magic show. It could definitely be the RedFrog Pub but…… money for now is on Cucina de Capitano. You know, there have been some suggestions amongst the beards in Miami that Carnival needs a celebrity chef….… personally ….. I disagree. Don’t get me wrong, the celebrity chefs that have their names above cruise ship restaurant doors are brilliantly talented. Take Todd English on the Cunard ships. I ate in his restaurant on Queen Victoria and it was remarkable. He makes food in the same way that Rolex make watches or God made Megan Fox’s bottom. I had his braised short ribs which cooked by a team of men who are dressed up in black like a galley full of Steve Seagals.

The results are simply spectacular. Without any question or shadow of doubt, Todd English’s beef short ribs are the third nicest thing I’ve ever put in my mouth. They tasted absolutely sensational. The ends were crispy and the center had a texture that felt like a Latvian supermodel’s thigh…… was astonishing. It was a short rib extra special. A super short rib. A short rib supreme………it was a short rib a la derriere de Megan Fox..

And yet, while I admire Chef English’s skill and respect his knowledge of food preparation, I’m not sitting here yearning for the day when I can sample his cuisine again. Did I like it? Yes, very much. Am I glad I’ve tried it? You’re sodding right I am……..especially as Peter Shanks was paying. But will the day ever come when nothing but a plate of his short ribs will do? I doubt it.

I think it’s because, in our busy, hectic lives, we yearn only for the simple pleasures of home.

An evening in front of the television with our feet up and our family close by. At lunch on Friday in honour of Gerry Cahill’s arrival, I was seated in between some Fincantieri senior beards. They were wonderfully nice but I found myself realising what I yearned for was to be at home, in a pair of sweat pants watching the football. Can you imagine what it must be like to be Micky Arison? Constantly eating at fancy restaurants and having to endure plates of drizzled this and infused that when he really want is to sit on his couch watching a movie and while chomping on a big bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken.

When I am struck with a sudden craving for food, it’s always for something simple: such as a BLT with cheese, some peanuts, and a hot dog or, since I have been in Italy…….. a plate of prosciutto and mozzarella. It’s never a fois gras nestling on a bed of diced hamster scrotum.
And that’s why I think the Cucina will be the most popular of our new additions. The food is delicious yet simple. Big bowls of steaming fresh pasta, along with shrimp, seafood and steak. The atmosphere is relaxing and the food is plentiful and served quickly and as you will see ….. all in an extremely fun way. Simple and basic is sometimes what we crave……..and I am in no doubt that everyone is going to crave a night or more at The Captain’s Kitchen.

One last thing……the lunch I had with Gerry Cahill and the Fincantieri executives. Well ……… I had no idea what to wear. Now, Heidi will be coming on the 26th and is bringing my suitcase that has all my suits in it and that meant I really didn’t have anything overly smart to wear for the lunch and the following press meeting and tour and besides I had no idea what everyone else would be wearing. The Carnival Magic is still being “worked on” so it’s been overalls and old casual clothes for everyone, but now I was about to eat lunch with our president and CEO ……………what the hell do I wear?

If I wear a blazer and shirt and dress pants and everyone else is dressed casually I will be perceived as a kiss arse and if I decide to wear casual attire and show up in my extra stretch jeans designed by Omar The Tent Maker and a T-shirt with more X’s in the label than a Latvian porno movie…… and Mr. Cahill is clad in a Giorgio Versacamani suit……I would be on the next Ryan air flight home for sure.

It’s a dilemma. So I called my wife for advice and Heidi said….and I quote, “Why not call Gerry before you eat lunch and ask him what he is wearing”……..hold on……let me say that again ……..I asked Heidi. She said ……..and, I quote, “Why not call Gerry before you eat lunch and ask him what he is wearing.”

Oh yes, I can see that now can’t you?

“Hello Gerry, it’s John…..John …..John Heald….… senior cruise director……you know…the blogger………..yes, the fat one. Sorry to bother you Gerry but I wondered what you were going to wear for lunch and oh yes………….one more thing…….the laundry isn’t working yet ……. can I borrow a pair of your underpants?”


Your friend,


P.S Here are the Funtimes for your Carnival Fantasy.

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.