THE REAL UNDERPANTS OF SOUTHEND ON SEA

September 29, 2011 -

John Heald

I don’t know about America and Canada and Australia and Botswana but here in the UK, morning television is utter rubbish. Take this morning on a show called ummmm……”This Morning” where the subject was men’s underpants. Now this you would have thought should have been something that got my complete attention but it didn’t. That’s because the item in the show was hosted by a lady in her mid-thirties who was an editor of some woman’s magazine Hair and Beauty, Beauty and Garden, Slim Hair, Garden and Men are Bastards or something like that and she was telling me what underpants I should be wearing. Why is this allowed? If a man came on the same show and started talking about women’s knickers, he would, be cast as a fully paid up member of the steamed up glasses association who probably knows about ladies underwear because he wears a crotchless pair himself. Yet here we have this Chanel-wearing fashion editor talking about men’s underpants and everyone seems OK with that.

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I know the first part of today’s blog has nothing to do with cruising but I hope you will excuse me for writing my feelings here. You see, I felt such a total and utter bastard last night. Let me explain. We took Kye to the doctor yesterday as her nose continues to flow freely. And while she is fine in herself, happy and content, her breathing is laboured and at night she snores like a drunken elephant.

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REAL LIBERTY NEWS IN NEW YORK

September 26, 2011 -

John Heald

Apart from the odd bad diabetic low energy day and my bleeding hemorrhoid who has been with me since the Carnival Splendor’s delivery and whom I now call Horatio…….my time on the Carnival Magic was spent in relatively good health. Yes, my carpool tunnel thingy is ongoing and I will have more news on this shortly but overall I had a good four months. So it was then sod’s law that said the moment I stepped off the plane that would change. And it did.

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A Message to Cruise International Magazine

September 15, 2011 -

John Heald

I am so glad I wasn’t at Cruise International Magazine’s awards ceremony last night. Yes, I really am happy. That’s because there would have been that moment, as in all award ceremonies, when the nominations are  read out and you’re sitting there waiting to find out whether you’ve won or lost. (more…)

One Last Bit of Magic

September 14, 2011 -

John Heald

It’s nearly time for me to go home and I shall talk about the ports and the ship herself in a moment. I will definitely miss the team here as they have been an absolute joy to work alongside. But as always they are younger than me and while we are friends and I would help them whenever asked, they will never become, well, you know…….best friends…..friends for life or BFF as spotty kids call it these days. Back when I was young, in the eighties, I spent every Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday with the same group of eight mates. We would go to the same pub together and drink, laugh, drink some more, laugh a lot more and at one point we even formed a band. We all knew that whatever life presented that we would all be friends forever.

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I RECOGNISE YOU

September 13, 2011 -

John Heald

This cruise is the first one for some weeks where we have very few children on board – 95 in fact. And while 94 of them are having a brilliant time in the ports of call and at Camp Carnival, Circle “C,” and Club O2, there is one 12-year-old here on the Carnival Magic who is doing none of the above…………and we shall call her Annie.

Here is a message from Annie’s mother.

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I do, now and then, talk about my friend and staff member Calvyn and indeed late in the blog I will be chatting about some of the other staff members here on the Carnival Magic. Calvyn is from another world. Now I don’t mean than he is from a strange planet like Jupiter or Uranus but from a world where fashion and behavior is strange to me………very strange.

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TEN YEARS AGO

September 9, 2011 -

John Heald

In yesterday’s blog, we spoke about kids on our ships and I said how well behaved most of them are. Well, yesterday evening I went to Lido Deck for dinner at the alternative dining with one of the beards that is sailing this week and both she and I saw a child misbehave.

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ARE WE READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?

September 8, 2011 -

John Heald

This morning we are going to talk about kids and kids on a cruise. That’s because the beards sent me this post which was received on the blog yesterday.

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APPLES AND ORANGES

September 7, 2011 -

John Heald

With Bloggers Cruise 5 just a few months away and with everything I have to do next month in my brand ambassador role, I have been spending lots of time talking to the beards in the office. Among those with hair on their faces that I’ve had conversations with are Eric and Everett, the two young beards who have done so much to enhance the blog and my Facebook page.

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Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.