May 14, 2012 -

John Heald

Let me ask you a question. Why the heck do people who I hardly know put an “X” at the end of their emails? I have never kissed these people and never will. You have never had rumpy pumpy with these people yet…….they finish their emails with a kiss. Most people now seem to feel that it’s the law to send electronic kisses, not only to people they work with, but everyone else as well. It used to be that “best wishes” sufficed but now routine messages, even to someone you have never met, must end with an electronic tongue down the throat. I would guess that nine out of 10 women who write emails to me from Carnival’s land and sea operations finish with a kiss. And this happens so much that I worry that an email without kisses means this person is angry with them.

I once got an email from a very upset beard because I had sent an email using only capital letters and he thought I was shouting at him. I wasn’t. The caps thingy lock was pressed and by the time I looked at the screen and noticed, half the e-mail was finished and I didn’t want to write it again. But the “X” kiss thing is out of sodding control. The problem is that once you start, you can’t stop. Kisses are a plague. Let’s say I write an email to Carnival’s President and CEO Gerry Cahill asking for a raise and finish it with a kiss, even if he tells me to bugger off, his email must finish with an “X” as well. You’re effectively blowing kisses to everyone like some lady of the night standing on a street corner.

One of the worst side effects of the Eye Phone/Raspberry phone thingy revolution has been to make people more needy and demanding of attention 24/7, no matter where they are. I often find myself saying, “It’s been five minutes since I emailed you and they haven’t replied,” I moan, eyes glued to my Raspberry, “Do they hate me? Has Carnival fired me?” No, they’re probably just terrified because I have put seven kisses on a message that simply says, “Carnival Breeze’s schedules are attached.” I guess, though, that one thing is escaping me and escaping you more and more each day…..if it’s an instant response that we want, well, here’s a thought… why not make a sodding phone call? Oh, sorry…..I am not allowed to say “phone call”…..even that has changed. We don’t make phone calls anymore…….we “reach out” Oh FFS!

Time for today’s Q and A……here we go.

Sandee Holland asked:

I just went on my third Carnival cruise, this time on the Carnival Triumph. There were nine of us in all and eight of us were past guests. I have never been dissatisfied with a Carnival cruise until this one, and the others in my party agreed. The service was lousy, the crew was grumpy, and two of the cabins were just nasty!! (And yes there are videos) When I reported it to the service desk they put me on the phone with bar and dining room managers, they truly seemed to not care. The first cruise I was on was with you on the Carnival Conquest and it and you were truly wonderful. The second cruise was also on the Carnival Conquest and even with fire or something in the kitchen on formal night, I was still very pleased when I got off the ship… not so much that night but they made every effort to make it up to us. This third cruise was totally a disgrace… It may be all nine in my parties last cruise with Carnival, it was so bad. I don’t know what you can do or who to contact but the Carnival Triumph is giving Carnival a bad name. I even met a man yesterday that was on the Carnival Triumph two weeks before me and he said it was bad too. Thanks for your help or passing this along.

John says:
Hello Sandee Holland,

There may be some who are surprised that I post and reply to comments like this but I do because I promised myself that we would never hide from the negatives. I want to sincerely apologise that this cruise did not meet the expectations that were based on your previous cruises on the Carnival Conquest. I was though very surprised to read this because the ship usually gets nothing but praise but it seems we have work to do. I want you to know that I have sent this to our operations people in Miami and to the senior management on the vessel and they will address this I can assure you. Meanwhile please accept my apologies again and if there is anything I can do for you please let me know.

Best wishes.


Mira Brecher asked:

I will be travelling with my service dog which I have to have for sleep apnea. I have sailed on NCL with Sari (my Maltese) and am considering a Carnival cruise as you have your big ship Carnival Splendor coming to New York where I now live. Will Carnival as NCL did allow my service dog in the dining room and what steps do I need to take to make sure she is well looked after.

Thank you.

John says:
Hello Mira Bercher,

I am glad you wrote and thank you for considering Carnival for your 2013 vacation. We do allow service dogs and, obviously, we require the proper documentation before allowing them onboard proving it is a service dog and not the family pet. Once onboard a special area will be reserved near the lifeboat stations for your dog to do its whoopises but please note that the staff do not in any way take care of the dog, that is down to you of course. Please call our special needs desk so that you can find out what you need to do and I hope we see you on the Carnival Splendor soon.

Best wishes.


Tamsin Hawkins asked:

I am taking my three kids aged three, five and nine and on a cruise. I am a single mom and wondered if Carnival does anything for single moms as money is tight. We will be on the Carnival Sensation 5/31 three-day cruise. Can Carnival do something for me?

John says:
Hello Tamsin Hawkins,

Congratulations on taking your children on a cruise and I am sure they will have fun. We don’t have a special package for single parents but I will send each of your children a special souvenir of their cruise which I hope they will cherish. Have a wonderful time.

Best wishes.


Harry Wald asked:

Mother and I have enjoyed three Carnival cruises and we like the food and especially like the convenience of being able to sail from Charleston where we live now. I do have one suggestion that I would like you to consider Mr. Heald. The food in the dining room is surprisingly good but the service is brash and loud and certainly is not something that everyone enjoys. We also cruise Celebrity where we are Captain’s Club members. I understand the two companies are vastly different but why must Carnival think that the waiters have to be so loud, play jokes and worse perform lurid dances on table tops? I think there should be one dining area where a more professional silver service style is offered with maybe just some nice, relaxing music allowing for good table conversation with family and friends. On my last cruise on Carnival Fantasy I spoke to many passengers who agreed with me and I would not mind wagering that your dining service staff would prefer a silver service environment rather than being treated as performing monkeys. I look forward to your response.

Thank you.

John says:
Hello Harry Wald,

First of all, I am glad to read that you enjoy your Carnival cruises and I hope that you will build up to the same loyalty level as you have shown Celebrity Cruises. I understand that the singing and dancing and the fun atmosphere the staff provide in the dining room may not to be your taste and yet I must say that the comments and the feedback we get show that the vast majority enjoy what we do during dinner service. I must say that for the most part also that the staff enjoys it as well and what happens during dinner has become a tradition at Carnival that we have no plans of changing. It is an interesting point you raise and this is why I hope you don’t mind that earlier today I posted on Facebook to encourage others to discuss. I respect your comment though and I hope that this will not deter you from cruising with us again very soon. If there is anything else I can do for you, please let me know.

Best wishes.


Brenda Blackard asked:

Where or where can one get a copy of Fun Times for a cruise? Tried the list from your help desk below — to say the least it was painful — surely one of the beards has an able assistant who could gather ALL of the Fun Times from all of the ships/destinations and list them in an easily accessible spot. Just a thought — loyal cruiser (18 and counting!)

John says:
Hello Brenda Blackard,

At the bottom of my blog, you will find a link to the Fun Times for the fleet. If the one you are looking for is not there, please let me know and I will post it for you. I am sorry you had a tough time finding the information you need and I hope you will let me know if I can help further.

Best wishes.


Mark Sagan asked:

I think it is ridiculous and unprofessional to take a chunk of time off and have nobody to carry on answering questions. I posted a request for my 15th anniversary that went unanswered and I discovered it was because you took a vacation. It’s unfair that people who don’t have Facebook accounts get treated like s**t because you are on vacation and leave the blog unattended. I am not impressed and my request for a table for two and a little something extra for my wife was ignored.

John says:
Hello Mark Sagan,

I did take some time away from the blog as I was traveling and spending time with the family which has left me behind on the blog questions. Since then the wonderful duo of Michelle and Mary are helping me with questions so things like this don’t happen. I can only apologise and hope that you had a great anniversary cruise and next time you sail please try again and let me know what you need and I will do my best to help you.

Best wishes.


Art Seago asked:

We just finished our first seven-day cruise on Sunday. The Carnival Magic is truly a great ship. The accommodations and the staff were wonderful. Our first cruise was the one of the last voyages the Carnival Ecstasy made out of Galveston. We also had a great time on that trip. The one thing we missed on the Carnival Magic that was on the Carnival Ecstasy was the water depth on the info channel in the room. There were a few new pieces of info, but knowing how DEEP the water was, was a nice little touch. The kids were really looking forward to seeing if we went into any water deeper than 11,000 feet…but it was missing from this ship. Is/Can that be added back to the info screen?


Art Seago

John says:
Hello Art Seago,

Carnival Magic is currently at the number one spot in the fleet as per review cards completed by the guests and your review is another fine example as to why. The water depth is supposed to be on the information channel and I will have to investigate as to why it was not there so thanks for letting me know. I will pass your comments to the ship and I hope we see you again very soon.

Best wishes.


Faye Murray asked:

John we are booked on the Carnival Breeze for June 15th – my question is simple – I have prepaid gratuities but tip extra for room service, and special service. Should we buy Euros for tips or good old American dollars? Is there a preference on a Mediterranean cruise? Many thanks!

John says:
Hello Faye Murray,

How wonderful you are to ask that question and the answer is that to save you rate of exchange and commission, USD are most welcome. However, if you have Euros they too will be fine so the answer is I think, what’s best for you, Faye. I must say you are so kind to ask and I truly look forward to welcoming you onboard.

Best wishes and see you soon.


Vicki W asked:
Hi John!

I enjoy reading your blog and FB page and would like to know who the comedians will be for our cruise May 26. Thanks John and you are a diamond for putting up with what you do.

John says:
Hello Vicki W,

Thanks for the very kind words and here is your entertainment for your cruise. I hope you have a brilliant time.

  • Sat, May, 26 – Miami Welcome – Aboard Show dep @ 4pm
  • Sun, May, 27 – Half Moon Cay (9am-5pm) – Wonderful World – Tommy Drake / Dan Smith
  • Mon, May, 28 – At sea – Edge (Tommy Drake / Dan Smith)
  • Tue, May, 29 – St Thomas (10am – 6pm) – Singing With The Big Band /Chris Graves
  • Wed, May, 30 – San Juan (7am-3:30pm) – Fun Hop Deck Party
  • Thu, May, 31 – Grand Turk (11am-5:30) – Just Rock Joe Bronzi /Allyn Ball
  • Fri, Jun, 01 – at sea – Carnival Legends Joe Bronzi /Allyn Ball

Best wishes,


Linda Bailey asked:

I don’t understand why they are renaming the Carnival Destiny after she is redone to the “Sunshine.” Who picked that name? Sounds from the forums like there are not many cruisers who like the name. I am sailing on her anyway Christmas 2013 but I sure think they could have come up with a better name. Just a thought! But for now, just looking forward to the Carnival Glory in a little over a month on April 29. Thanks for listening.


John says:
Hello Linda Bailey,

I know there were some questions when we announced the name change from Carnival Destiny to Carnival Sunshine and I totally understand that some have a firm allegiance to the vessel under her own name. It is important that we all remember to use the full name, Carnival Sunshine and not just Sunshine as the Carnival prefix really makes a difference. The most important thing is to wait and see what we are doing to the vessel and I promise that when she returns from her 49-day dry dock that Carnival Sunshine…….will be a perfect name for her. I am always here to listen and I hope you will let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

Best wishes.


Ken Martin asked:


It’s been too long since I’ve cruised (kids in college, a divorce, etc.) But Woo Hoo Hi Diddlee Dee It’s the Carnival Liberty for me and my friends (over 14 rooms with 100+ Carnival cruises under our belts. I’m still getting the info tallied). Just a thought as we’ll be on the 2.0 Liberty. Are there any plans to have Guy Fieri do a cruise and have him do some seminars on some of his famous dishes or his Diners, Drive-ins and Dives recipes? There are lots of us who’d sign up (Just ask the question on Facebook and I bet you’ll get a ton of positive replies. Thanks mate in advance for your checking this out and look forward to hearing what may or may not happen. Ken P.S. can’t wait to try one of Guy’s Burgers. The closest thing we have to it is Five Guys Burgers here in SW Florida

John says:
Hello Ken Martin,

That’s a brilliant question and one I don’t know the answer to. I will though certainly suggest this as it’s a great idea. I saw him cook live in New York and it was a fantastic rock and roll experience and the end result was the best burger in the world……as you are soon to discover for yourself. I will follow up on this and let you know.

Best wishes.


And that’s all for today.

I have made quite a few mistakes since I started writing blogs and there have been times when in retrospect I probably should not have written about certain subjects. Top of that list is the new loyalty program which I first wrote about some two years ago or thereabouts. Back then it looked like we were just a few weeks away from launching but suddenly we were not and I was told that the project was far grander than first planned and it was going to be not weeks but months, lots of months before we were ready to announce what we were doing. It was my fault, 100% my fault. I was so anxious to tell you all that this exciting program was on the way that I jumped the gun so to speak and here we are still waiting.

Since then I have been ridiculed somewhat for this by posters here, on Facebook and on Cruise Critic and rightly so. I can understand why and as I said, it’s my fault. If I didn’t have this social media site and my Facebook page then nobody would have been any the wiser and while I think for the most part that my pages do help get the Carnival messages out and while they do keep you informed, there are times when silence would have been as golden. So please let me apologise to you all for my glaring mistake. In the coming weeks we will have the grand launch of a program that will keep our loyal guests returning to Carnival for another brilliantly fun and affordable cruise vacation.

So here I am on the Carnival Breeze in my cabin and it’s good to be finally onboard the ship, my home for the next few months. I am about to show you photos of my cabin which so many have asked for and I can understand the fascination of why people want to see where the crew live and in this case, where the fat bloke sits in his underpants writing blogs to you. Back when we had the Holiday class the CD cabins were huge. In fact they were Verandah suite cabins, exactly the same as the guest suites on the Holiday, Jubilee and Celebration and they were fantastic. I could hold a full department meeting there and still have room to swing loads of cats and invite a few Latvian casino girls over. God I was a stud back then with the female staff desperate for my attention. I had a huge cabin and a bathtub and I might as well have replaced my cabin door with a revolving one for the Latvian casino girls………and a cat flap for the cute girls from spa. OK, that was bollocks but a man can dream.

Then came the Fantasy-class and the cabins were still nice but a little smaller although the bedroom was probably the nicest of all the classes. Then we had the Destiny- and Conquest-class and for all the senior officers the cabins were smaller and so indeed were they on the Spirit-class as well although we have balconies on those ships. So the Dream-class has smaller cabins for the senior officers because of The Lanai which as you know wraps around the entire deck 5 and this has meant the cabin is smaller than that on Destiny/Conquest/Splendor class of ships. Anyway, let me show you my home and this is as I found it this morning so you are seeing what I saw just a few hours ago using my Raspberry video, so excuse the quality

So overall I am lucky to have a very nice cabin. The only problem is that when Heidi and Kye sail I have to buy a cabin for them as having a three-year-old trying to nap or play while I do my CD and brand ambassador stuff is impossible for all of us plus the cabin isn’t big enough for an extra bed for Kye. But it’s home. I work from the cabin, as well. Yes, I have an office just around the corner but the staff work from there as well so it’s easier for me to concentrate if I work from the cabin. However, I don’t use the cabin for meetings or gatherings, it’s my space and I like to keep it as private as possible……so no meetings and no Latvians. Heidi will be here for the first cruise and will make sure I know that she adds the female touch and add photos of Kye and the family and a scatter cushion or two while I put up my full size wall poster of H82Seaugo and I playing naked beach volleyball together.

Yep, that’s my home and as you can see from the photos I have a bit of a problem…….. ummmm ………..there’s no office chair. In fact there are no chairs at all as they haven’t been delivered yet. This means I am here writing to you in my underpants………………sitting on Calvyn.


Your friend,


Comment Policy

Look, friends — there are a few things you should remember before you comment. The space below is for you to post your comments about the post I've just written above. Now, while I may not be able to reply to your comment below, I do sit in my underpants almost every morning and read everything that is here. So feel free to comment on the comments and then if someone wants to comment on the comment to the comment then go ahead as well. Please be courteous, unless the poster is French...........then you can say whatever you want.

95 Responses to WHERE I LIVE

  1. Donald G. says:

    The Sleep Apnea Service Dogs strike again! At least you cut off the next request for the staff to walk the dog while she is on shore excursions! I tend to think that some people may have friends who are doctors and will sign off on the paperwork for them to bring fluffy!

    • Linda (Mom of DJ) says:

      We will indeed know if she is a fraud if she demands that staff or crew babysit her dog while she spends all day on an excursion.

      If those words come out of her mouth….then Carnival should put her on the “do not sail” list because she is a fraud.

      Linda (Mom of DJ)

    • Carole says:

      And why in the world would you need a sleep apnea service dog in the MDR??? Sleeping in the dining room??? Come on, this woman wants her foo foo dog with her.
      I’d bring my cute little puggie girl, but I for one would never subject her to possible sea sickness, nor would I lie to get her on the ship with me.
      People like this, self entitled, just make me crazy!!!!

      • Mike Ryan says:

        The sleep apnea service dog that was on the Magic transatlantic was a big disservice to the crew… it crapped all over the Lanai deck, which was tracked back and forth by walkers. The crew had to mop up dog crap daily over MILES of deck. Blech, disgusting.

  2. Jim Barron says:

    John after our group has traveled on all funships in carribean and traveling again in feb on breeze 2013 we need somthing possitive to come out most stuff you read is negative we love carnival and will always be back MONTICELLO SIP AN SAILORS

  3. Tracey says:

    hahha you always make me laugh!!! Well hopefully your not to gassy today, otherwise Calvyn might not be to happy 😉 Have a good night!

  4. Mira Brecher, A sleep apnea service dog????? If it is for sleep apnea why does it have to be in the MDR or anyplace else on the ship but in your cabin. Except when taken to the poop deck. I’m sure it has to sleep all day since it has to stay awake all night to watch you for sleep apnea. I think they got machines for that now.

  5. The Cruzin2some says:

    Dear John,
    What ever you do do not wiggle while sitting on Calvin. He likes it too much.
    The Cruzin2some

  6. Kelsea Dobson says:


  7. Linda Beggs says:

    Hi John,
    Can you please tell me what power adaptor I need to bring onboard the Breeze.
    Also, can we use an ATM in the casino for USD as we will only have euros onboard.

  8. Carol Hoefs says:

    Loved the surprise from your cabin closet! You never know what you will find in your cabin, right?


  9. Jan says:

    Good Afternoon John, Love reading your blogs and I am totally amazed at what people complain about. It is suppose to be a vacation, go with the flow. lol.
    My question is: Do I have to wait until I get on the Breeze April 27, 2013 to try an make reservation for the Chef’s Table or can it be made earlier either through you or through the line? I realize that it is quite a ways away, but my son, daughter-in-law and I have gotten every excited about having dinner with the chef. And we don’t really want to miss out on this spectacular dining experience.
    This will be my 15+ cruise and most of them were on Carnival.

  10. Wallace says:

    “I am a single mom and wondered if Carnival does anything for single moms as money is tight. ”

    OH PLEASE!!! Boo hoo for you. Life’s tough for everyone. Do we ALL get discounts. I have high blood pressure so do I get a deal John? How about the bald? I have ad og John so do I get a dscount? You know pet food and chew toys are expensive and I think Carnival shuld help me since Ihave to feed my dog. The list is endless. How sad we’ve created people like this who feel entitled because they CHOSE TO HAVE KIDS that they are due special treatment. Here’s my message to Miss Special, there are plenty od affleunt even RICH soingle monms. B one of those. Get an education or skil and a good job and stop begging.

    • Tim Kriebel, MCPO, USN Retired says:

      Well now, aren’t you just one big freakin ray of sunshine!!!!!!

      • Julie says:

        OK, so maybe the tone was a little harsh but the message is dead on. You chose to have kids, you chose to bring them on a cruise – pay for it just like everyone else ! You gotta stop the handouts somewhere else everyone will want their ‘deal’ because they are single/married/left handed/blind/have to many kids/have no kids…

    • Teddy Gautsch says:

      Can I get an AMEN? AMEN!!

    • gloria says:


  11. Laura Capano says:

    John, I think you are a saint. Some of the people who write to you and ask for things are too much. One person was actually annoyed that you took time off to be with your family. I am just shaking my head in disbelief. This is not the end of the world…so you didn’t get a special favor…you don’t owe anyone anything. Now that I have said that, I would like to remind you that hubby and I will be with you on the June 3 Breeze sailing and he will have a cigar for you.

    • Laura Capano says:

      One more thing, there is one thing I would ask of you, can I please have my picture taken with you? I hope so. I want to scrapbook you into my family’s history

    • What a shame Mark’s wife didn’t get that little something extra – but then, I’m sure Mark got his vacation heavily discounted so he could afford to my that little something himself. No end to some people’s greed.

    • Linda C says:

      and seriously .. I am thankful for you John. When I am traveling with friends or friends are traveling without me 🙁 .. I take it upon myself to have a gift sent to their room – and my husband pays for it, instead of asking you to give it up.

  12. carl Rice says:

    Thank you for the tour, It was so nice to see your office! Could you please show us the control panel you use to make your notices over PA.

    thank YOU

    • Betty Baldok says:

      He did show the panel in his office.. Its the metal thing with buttons on it on the wall on the right side of the desk..

  13. Rick Williamson says:

    For Harry Wald, I don’t know what people you talk to, but just looking around the dinningroom when they are dancing and singing. MOST people are joining in or waving thier napkin in the air. My wife and I look forward to this time each night at dinner. And when they didn’t do it 1 or 2 nights on our last cruise in April (Ecstacy) we were asking what happened? Thanks John for letting us on here let him and you know how we feel too about this subject.

    • Ray says:

      We were on the Ecstasy in April as well, this was our first cruise so we didn’t know what to expect. Other people at our table with past experience in these matters were clearly looking forward to it. I’m pretty sure they were checking out our reaction as well. It may not be for everyone, but from where I was sitting it seemed like everyone enjoyed it.

  14. Kristin says:

    LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, Calvyn coming out of the closet. TOO funny!!! You just need your TV’s and some chairs, and you are good to go!!! We are planning on booking the Breeze next April vacation, for the States, 4/13, and I cannot wait. Just got off the Pride, and as much as we LOVED her, it will be AWESOME to get on a BRAND NEW SHIP!!! 😀

  15. Mike P. says:

    Oh my gosh, that tour is hilarious, you should give tours of all staterooms. “Mirror, stomach, mirror”. And Calvyn coming out of the closet, what a hilarious way to end the video!

  16. Stuart Zaikov says:

    John I see you keep saying how the new platinum program will be so wonderful but so far what I have seen and heard has me concerned.
    In recent months they have taken away the hors doerves and petit fours (replaced in psrt with choc covered strawberries)and the stationary and now I hear that the free unlimited laundry will be limited.
    One of the best things about platinum is my wife and I used to bring on two large suitcases for a 7 day cruise and for past 9 platinum cruises we just take one and give out laundry at least 4x for each cruise. If less we will need to bring more clothes and a second suitcase.
    Hope when the neew program is finally released it will be worth waiting for but have no doubts my friend.
    Our next cruise will be in Sept on the Dream and hopefully the new program will be in operation.

    • jtc says:

      For Laundry Service PLEASE KEEP IN MIND that the stewards/asst stewards are the ones doing the laundry for you. the more you give them the less time they have to give others better service. This is why it is going to Limited services. DON’T OVER DO IT. Plan Correctly fot he Cruise.

  17. Mike T says:

    Great touch with Calvin

  18. Julie Mendenhall says:

    Nice cabin! Nice to see you and Calvyn again!

  19. Aricka says:

    I freak’n love you John. You are so funny. I can’t wait to meet you on my July 9th cruise. I hope you get settled in. I really cant wait to meet you.

  20. Eva kaminsky says:

    First of all I enjoy very much reading your blogs they put a smile on my face. Myself and my fiancée, by then my new husband Are booked to go on the carnival dream on June 9th for our honey moon cruise. We have been on ncl but prefer the service of carnival for an enjoyable time. We are repeat cruisers. I only wish that one day we would be able to cruise with you, hopefully one day we will. Best wishes to your family and happy belated mothers day to all the ladies in your life. And please send our thanks for the great service we recieved on our last carnival cruise on the miracle. It was fantastic with great food and the wonderful cleaning staff. Once again you are amazingly funny and thank you for keeping us all well informed.

    Eva kaminsky

  21. Pat Davidson says:


    First, I love your blogs. They are great – I get a little ticked off though at the “naysayers”, people who have a problem – they should go to the Carnival website and complain, not to you – you are here to enlighten us, entertain us. Some people do not realize, I would imagine, that not only do you have to keep everyone happy, but you are away from your family for extended periods of time – this cannot be an easy thing for you, or any Carnival employee who is out to make us, the customer, have a good time and forget our problems, or work, or whatever we are getting away from. My husband was in the navy for 21 years and was away for extended periods of time. I have talked to a number of Carnival employees, and yes, they are also away from their familys for extended periods of time. However, I have never met one that didn’t have a smile on their face, and was very willing to help or make our cruise the best. John, please keep up the good work that you do. While there are some people who will complain, after reading all of your blogs, I think the majority ‘LOVE’ you blogs, reading about the new Carnival Breeze, your stateroom (you need a chair), and just everything – it takes me to another place. I can’t wait to get on the Dream on October 6th – sit on the Lido deck, have one of those “wacky” drinks and watch all my cares go away. Thank you John, that is all I want to say. God bless.
    Pat Davidson

  22. Linda (Mom of DJ) says:

    Mark Sagan

    You are an uninformed moron. There are no other words that can describe someone who would berate John for not doing a job that IS NOT PART OF HIS JOB DESCRIPTION OR THIS BLOG’S PURPOSE.

    Let me repeat this again as it appears that you have the IQ of a drunk gnat.


    The SOLE purpose of this Blog is to ENTERTAIN.


    Out of the kindness of his heart, John tries to assist cruisers when he can. But NOTHING is GUARANTEED and AGAIN THIS IS NOT THE PURPOSE OF THIS BLOG.

    So how about you stop “sitting on stupid” and educate yourself about a subject before you make a bigger fool of yourself next time!!!

  23. Lance and Ilda says:


    I do have to comment on the “Sleep apnea service dog” request. There really is no such thing. Dogs themselves can develop sleep apnea, but cannot prevent it. A simple CPAP machine is sufficient if the person does indeed suffer from sleep apnea. I would imagine that if this were to really catch on, this neat little scam to bring a pet on board would then result in people bringing on sleep apnea monkeys, or diabetic coma preventing boa constrictors. How about sleep walk preventing parakeets, or narcolepsy interrupting roosters (now wouldn’t THAT be lovely on deck 6!) Enough with this crap already. Get a damn machine if you think you’re going to kick the bucket overnight and leave your dog in a kennel like the rest of us. Sheesh! On a lighter note… LOVED the video of your cabin space, John. Calvin coming out of the closet was just icing on the cake! Hey, while your at it, how about Carnival paying to train Breeze to travel with you and alert you whenever Calvin is within striking distance? Seems only fair to me! A closet service dog… now THERE’S a concept!

    • Monica says:

      It never ceases to amaze me that people think they “know” things they know nothing about. A CPAP machine is not a fail safe against an apnea event that can take your life. It’s a tool and it’s effective, but it’s not 100%. Dogs serve many functions. Some can even sniff out cancer. I have a service dog, I dont take him on cruises for HIS own protection. People STARE and make comments like the ones you all are making. It affects his ability to do the job he is supposed to do. I’m not saying that people dont take advantage of the service dog status to take their animals…but it’s not neccesary to attack service dogs or the people who claim to have and need them. Get a life….

  24. Mark Levine says:


    Thanks for all your great blogs! I am going to start checking all my emails for electronic hugs and kisses…

    You have probably spoken of this before, so forgive me: I am eagerly awaiting my trip on the Carnival Conquest November 4th, and love tracking the ship. Except….There’s no webcam on the Conquest! I think there are three ships with webcams right now. I am sure there are all sorts of technical thingamabobs that are very complicated needed to make it all work in the middle of the ocean…Just asking!

    Also, I loved the port webcams in Galveston, and now the one in New Orleans. My wife and I get up early on Sunday to watch The Conquest, then tune in again to watch her pull out. Very cool! It would be fun to have port cams listed on the Carnival site for us to watch from afar.

    ah well, until the next blog…

    XXX -Mark

  25. Kathy Pumnea says:

    Loved your tours! It is so exciting to be watching The Breeze come to life! Can’t wait to meet you and sail on this new ship! Keep up the good work!

  26. Monica says:

    I’m not sure how many times I’ve cruised carnival but out of the 16 cruises. At least 1/3 or more were on Carnival. We used to get invited to a captians dinner and once every got the chocolate strawberry’s and cookies in our cabin when we embarked. That was very nice. This year we got an invitation to have two free drinks between 4 and 4:45 on a port day. First, we dont drink…although we buy drinks for other people at times. Second, we barely got back on the boat in time to find the invitation and there was no way we could have made it between those times. Those “rewards” for loyalty stink. Tell the beards I find it insulting that they know so little about me that they’d give me something useless at the last minute. Give me back my cookies and chocolate strawberry’s. And don’t make me beg for more than a drop of cream for my one strawberry at tea time. For heavens sake…when somethings not broke, dont fix it.

  27. Luis R says:

    The video was absolutely hillarous….

    My suggestion to the person asking what currency to use for the extra tips. I think that you should make it easy for the room stewards to use that extra cash money you are giving them, so in the Mediterranean that should be euros instead of US dollars. Ultimately it’s your choice but last summer in my Carnival Magic cruise we left a nice crisp 20 euro bill for the room stewardess and another for her assistant.

  28. Chris Benson says:

    John is this for real?
    Mira Brecher,what an insult to people who have service dogs. Get yourself a machine that will look after your sleep problems. Is the dog required in the Main Dining Room in case you fall asleep and drown in your dessert?
    An idea. Leave the dog at home and pay for my cruise (I think I have some Maltese relatives) where I will sit up all night and poke you with a long stick when you stop breathing. But there again I could do the world a favour (spelt correctly).

    • Monica says:

      You can have an apnea event with your eyes open sitting in a dining room. I have MS. ALL my muscles are involved…Including my lungs. Why in the world would you attack someone and something you dont have the full story on. Hypothetically, you all could be idiots….hypothetically, some people have service dogs for stupid things and they are not really trained service animals. But you DONT know.

      • Bill Heck says:

        Hey Monica:

        A service dog is individually trained to do work or perform tasks for the benefit of an individual with a disability. Sleep apnea is not a disability, because it can be mitigated. Can you tell me what a dog would do when a person is sleeping and has an apnea event? By definition, sleep apnea is that which occurs when sleeping. Granted, non-obstructive, or central apneas are not well addressed by a cpap machine. But what would the dog do?

        It is wonderful that you have an MS service dog. I am familiar with their ability to aid in balance, to guide a wheelchair, to hand you things, open the refrigerator, etc.

        I think the theme here is not to degrade the people that rely on service dogs, but to question the concept of a sleep apnea service dog. All the best.

  29. Lee says:

    John,what must I do to be allowed to bring my service dog onboard for our next cruise? It is a rumpy pumpy service dog, as my wife will only have rumpy pumpy with me while the service dog is in the same room with us. Makes as much sense to me as a sleep apnea dog. Come on, you idiots, give John a break. Get a life. Chill out. Something.

  30. Brenda Blackard says:

    Hey John, thanks for answering my post! I’m looking for the Fun Times for the Glory in June from Boston–it might just be my computer-but when I look it just shows dates-I have to open each one to find the one I’m looking for. Am I in the wrong place?–
    Brenda Blackard

  31. Stephanie says:

    Service dog for Sleep Apnea? Ok, I can buy that, but unless she plans on taking a long nap in between courses, there is NO reason her pet, I mean service dog, should need to eat in the dining room. Her disorder is SLEEP related. All this does is trivialize those in need of service dogs for constant assistance (blind, deaf, seizures). If she has sleep issues and is documented by a LEGITIMATE doctor (and verified by the cruise line) yes, her dog should be allowed on board, but there is no reason it should be in the dining room with other passengers. Yes, dogs are cute and such, but at what point does one draw the line?

    • Monica says:

      Services dogs have a job to do an that is to be WITH their person. My service dog does not like to be seperated from me. He is anxious when I am out of his site because I’m his job. He sleeps by the bed, he’s under the table when I eat, he’s at my side unless he’s been released to play. Come on people…dont be so judgemental….most people whimp out on taking their service dogs on cruises because of people like you.

      • Teddy Gautsch says:

        “my service dog does not like to be separated from me”, with your statement you are indicating it is your CHOICE to have the dog at dinner and it is not absolutely necessary, correct?

        • Juanita says:

          My toy poodle Charley does not like to be separated from me either. I am not her job. I am her human and as with all dogs their human is their reason for existence. BUT I do NOT get to take her on a cruise and certainly not into a formal dining room. The only job a service dog could perform for a person with sleep apnea is wake them up if they have an apnic episode but quite frankly a apnea moniter would do the same thing and not require food or potty area. I am a physician and I know what I’m talking about.

          • Monica says:

            Every Patient and Service dog “needs” are different. I just hate it when everyone jumps on the “service dog” bashing. To be honest, I’ve been on 16 cruises and have never seen a service dog on board. However, It would not bother me to have one in the dinig room. Mine goes straight under the table and lays down. Most people dont even know he is there. A correctly trained service dog is not obtrusive and stays out of the way of others.

  32. Tiffany Cole says:

    Hi John,
    I’m not any more special than the other 2000+ people who will be cruising on the Inspiration with me on June 4th but I like free stuff and I want to be able to tell my friends the cruise director sent me a gift for my first cruise 🙂 So, here I am begging…I mean requesting a little giftie please

    • Linda C says:

      There will be a basket of goodies in the bathroom. Take the goodies – leave the basket

      • Monica says:

        There were No Goodies in the basket on the Majic. Not even a complimentary razor, no baby scope…no nothing. The Basket was there though.

  33. jgeraci says:


  34. Frances Vickerstaffe says:

    Answer to Faye Murray over Euro and tipping. I listened to the crew where they would be going after the their stunt on the cruise was finished. Our cain girl was going home to Croatia so I gave her the extra tip in Euros. The others I gave in US as they were going home to countries they could get a better exchange on US dollars. Also I bought Euros to have drinks and small snacks off the ship when we went on excursions. Hope this helps.

  35. Debra says:

    John I saw the X. Kiss me again like that and I’m telling Heidi!!

  36. Jas says:

    Enjoyed today’s blog John. I must say I am a bit disappointed in the replies so far. Not ONE person, despite being giving such a slow pitch down the middle of the plate, never took it putta the park.
    Hope to see you on BC6.

  37. Beth Rehm says:

    Hi John.

    I was reading the Q&A from the blog and noticed the comment from Art Seago about the water depth. My son got a complete kick out of that when we sailed on the Elation from Mobile last July, but it was not on the information channel on the Conquest when we sailed from New Orleans on February 19th. I was hoping that was something Carnival had not done away with. Pretty interesting to see!

    Also Mobile, Alabama completely misses Carnival and hope one day Carnival will come back!!!

  38. starla says:

    Hi John!

    The sleep apnea thing has me a little mystified. In the USA there is VERY little regulations on service dogs, any pet, can get certified as a service dog, whether it is true or not. I guess I would ask for a doctors note saying the service dog is needed AND the certification. (But then being in a wheelchair myself, i also believe that a Doctors note should be required to rent a scooter also) My dad has SEVERE sleep apnea (he can no longer drive) but doesn’t have a service dog and at night He uses a CPAP, so yes is a little strange to need a service dog for Sleep Apnea..psst ONLY 154 more days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    • Monica says:

      There is NO state or national certification for service dogs. It is customary for them to pass the Canine Good Citizen Test and they may have papers from the fascility that trained them. My service dog was trained by several organizations with my assistance. If it quacks like a service dog…it’s a service dog. If it surfs the buffet, barks at people and drags you all over the deck…it’s a dog.

    • Teresa Cooper says:

      I see no reason why a person should need a “doctors note” to rent a scooter. If I need one I will rent one and did just recently when I sailed. I will be having knee surgery soon and did not want my knee pain to ruin my cruise because of all the walking. I cannot fathom why anyone who didn’t need one would want to go to the extra expense and trouble of bringing one on board. It took up room in my cabin and was difficult to get through the cabin door so believe me if I didn’t need it I wouldn’t have bothered.

  39. Christine says:

    LOL John, loved how Calvyn came out of your closet – too funny!

  40. Linda (Mom of DJ) says:


    Although I can not speak for “all people”, “most of the people” or even “many of the people”….

    I believe if I did a poll of reasonable Carnival cruisers, I would be hard pressed to find anyone who truly held you responsible for the Loyalty Program timing debacle.

    As with other issues in the past, you do catch the brunt of the flack (because you are the one who technically “reported” it)…

    however, I believe reasonable people understand that you are simply repeating what you have been told by Corporate.

    And any and all complaints that I have voiced about how this (and other issues) were handled were only directed at Corporate…. not you.

    And I am certain I am not alone.

    Linda (Mom of your friend DJ)

    • Monica says:

      I agree….John. No one should heep angst upon you for the loyalty program. I love your blog.

  41. Hello John, great blog as usual, loved your review of your new cabin, especially Calvin coming out of the closet.
    Mr. Sagan, I think you have been most rude to John regarding his brief time off to spend with his family. Firstly, it was your anniversary, so, why did you not do someting special for your wife? My DH and I have just spent two cruises celebrating our 50th Wedding anniversary, and, not once did we ask for anything from the ships we sailed on, or, their personnel. My DH has filled our cabin with beautiful flowers purchased from the ship. If you were too cheap to buy a nice gift for your wife, do not complain. X
    Marie Wolff, aka Mary Ann

    • Rick Williamson says:

      Amen Mary Ann, My wife has flowers there in our room when we first enter the room. And they come from me and are ordered by me. To many seem too self centered!

  42. Linda C says:

    Thank you Mary Ann. Well said!

  43. Robin says:

    Will you be on the New Kids on the Block cruise on June 7. LOL I think you are hoot and you would have a blast. 😉

  44. Denise R. says:

    I don’t mind the service dog for sleep apnea. But I don’t think it belongs in the dining room…since when do other men have to help husbands with their own anniversaries? John deserved a break, as do we all, that’s why we cruise! Cruising in 11 days…can’t wait!

    • jerry calvert says:

      John: re Loyalty program.
      I don’t blame you, i blame some very poor corporate marketing types who have missed the opportunity to increase market share, by using the power of the 3 major lines(CCL,HAL, Princess) in a unified loyalty program.

      Celebrity has it well in hand–you may be too late!

  45. Jean says:

    Hi John,

    We really enjoyed you on the Dream a couple of years go. We’re booked for the Breeze in March 2013. What are the chances you’ll be the cruise director?



  46. Mike says:

    Did John blow a kiss at me, or did he recommend a Celebrity cruise? Either is disturbing!

  47. Donna says:

    It is good to be home, but I am already missing the Carnival Magic. I was part of the 280-member Low-Carb Cruise group that sailed last week. I know it was a shock for your dining staff when we all showed up asking for four eggs cooked in butter and six strips of bacon for breakfast. The first few meals were a little rough, but they quickly to our diet requests. I am writing to commend our server, Tetyana from the Ukraine, who really went the extra mile. Knowing nothing about low-carb dieting, she went on the Internet to do research, came up with a recipe for a lucious mascarpone dessert, and worked with the chef so that all of our group could splurge without guilt. She reviewed the menu every night and pointed out the low-carb options before we ordered. What a treasure. The cruise and the conference were both spectacular, and i can’t wait to repeat the experience on the Conquest next May.

    • Monica says:

      You guys were all over the places. I eavesdropped on so many Low Carb conversations, I wish I’d had my little recorder with me. Let me ask you though…did you find the seats in the Theator Room and the Spotlight uncomfortble compared to other cruises? This was the most uncomfortable ship I have ever been on. The beds were hard, the couches and chairs had STRAIGHT BACKS and were very small. Just wonder if you had any comments on the comfort?

      • Donna says:

        I thiught the theater seats had an odd angle, but I am on the short side. My bed, on the other hand, was perfect. I miss. Being rocked to sleep by the ocean waves. Next year’s Low Carb cruise is sailing out of New Orleans. Info should be up soon.

        • Monica says:

          I”m glad you had a good bed. My husband is 6’3 and he found the seats pretty uncomfortable. I hope the newests ships do not have those same types of seats…

  48. Jeffrey says:

    I’ve been enjoying your blog. Today, you gave me at least LOL’s. We (my wife and two children and their spouses) will be sailing with you on July 9. This is my first Carnival cruise, so my question may be rather uninformed, but could you please tell me how many “formal” nights for dinner should we expect?

    • Teresa Cooper says:

      If it’s a 7 night cruise you can expect 2 formal or “cruise elegance” evenings.

    • Monica says:

      How many nights on your cruise? A Seven Day cruise usually has two Elegant Nights. I’m not sure if there are more on longer cruises.

  49. Eileene says:

    John, thank you, as always for the laughter and the info. I just wanted to say that I totally agree with you about cell phones – people think that just ’cause you have one, you’re always available. I have mine off at work; I’m there to work, not socialize. At night, it stays in my dining room – not going to be wakened by errant mis-dials or late-night callers. And sometimes, I forget to turn the volume up when I’m home & I totally miss calls! Oh, well… I know how to return messages. 😀

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