Good morning everyone and we start today with an English lesson………..for me.

Curtis Skrine

John, a note about your consistent use of what you term as “spelt properly.” You should know America was colonized at a very interesting time for the written and spoken word. Spelling was hardly standardized, and even the spoken word wasn’t uniform across Britain. As a result, American English has preserved some forms and words we would no longer use, and as both languages are evolving languages, they’ve innovated in a different way to (or from, or than, I’m never sure) us. Globalization has mixed it all up again, but it’s all part of the ongoing process of language evolution.

I myself love regionalisms of all kinds, and strongly dislike locutions that strike me as crass or vulgar. Many of these are British, many American. Careful, though, John, about claims of linguistic purity. American English is closer to the ancient roots of the language than the more progressive London standard and as your populous readers are North American, then I suggest that you revert to what the majority of your customers would consider to be “spelt correctly.” Until then you will continue to come across as anti-American!


Hello Curtis Skrine

Thank you for that wonderfully written post. I have been on Carnival ships for 26 years now and even though I have been surrounded and cocooned by North Americans I still consider myself very British and continue to write as I was taught at school. I will say that it is tough, though, to keep doing this as we are surrounded by Americanisms and it’s not just me either. It’s my daughter, as well. Kye was here with me the last few days and as we left the cabin to go to dinner, my three-year-old daughter said that she wanted to press the elevator button. “I will not have language like that,” I said. “It’s called a lift, not elevator and if you say elevator again then I will put your Wonder Pets in the blender.” That’s her new favourite show by the way, Wonder Pets, which is about an animal trio singing and dancing their way to saving the day.

I am sure its TV that has my daughter and millions of others using American words and I know I probably should not do this, but I find myself correcting any British person that does Americanisms. Every time I hear “garbage,” not “rubbish,” and a “cookie,” not a “biscuit,” I get all hot and bothered. Maybe I need professional help. Oh, and one more thing that Kye says that drives me mad…’s chips, not fries. Chips, Kye, they come in newspaper nestled next to a piece of fish.

But I already know this is a waste of sodding time. Kye wears sneakers, not trainers; she eats cupcakes, not fairy cakes and will have Chinese takeout not takeaway. These British words of old are slipping away and, just like the French word for “deodorant,” will soon be lost forever.

I promise you Curtis that I am anything but anti-American but I have to ask. Why do guests ask me where the “bathroom” is all the time? Why don’t they ask where the toilet is? They want to do a pee or a poo and unless they intend doing this in a bathtub why do you call it a bathroom?

There is another side to this. German’s cannot say the word “squirrel.” Americans should never ever say the word “mate” and British people sound equally as ridiculous saying American words which is why I have never shaken a guest’s hand and said “Hey, Dude” or ” How are y’all.”

As for my spelling words the British way Curtis, well, for that I cannot apologise and can’t change in much the same way I can’t wear anything without many “Xs” on the label. In fact I scream and swear many times a day when this bastard Dell computer I am writing to you on now uses black magic to turn humour into “humor” and colour into “color.” Can’t it recognize…… oh FFS………recognise………that I am British and spell the words properly?

If I accept all Americanisms then Mr. Skrine I will lose all sense of my own heritage. Just one footnote to this. Some years ago I was dating an American dancer who when I told her that I would be very happy if she would wear “suspenders” decided I was a pervert…..and dumped me.

Oh by the way, I was so proud to be British yesterday as I watched the Queen on the news yesterday standing in typical British weather to greet her loyal subjects and to witness that spectacular event on the River Thames. She is 86 years old and has the stamina of someone much, much younger and if you will allow me I will use this for a rare personal opinion. This Diamond Jubilee is a wonderful opportunity for us to honour (spelt properly) our wonderful Queen and the Royal family. It also sends out a very clear message to all those miserable sods and anti-Royalist buggers that the Royal Family is here to stay.

Time for today’s Q and A……………here we go.


Jermaine asked:
Hi John

Having had a wonderful stay on the Carnival Magic last year, we immediately booked the Carnival Breeze for July 2012. A particular highlight of the Magic was the sail by of the island of Stromboli, are you aware of whether the Carnival Breeze will be doing the same this summer?

John says:
Hello Jermaine

I will be seeing you soon here on this fantastic new ship, Carnival Breeze. The sad news is that due to restrictions imposed by the Italian coast guard we are not allowed to sail past Stromboli anymore. There is a two-mile restriction zone and this means we won’t see anything, of course. I am sure though that you will have a fantastic cruise and see you here next month. Best wishes.


Kevin Cadeskis asked:
One of the reasons you are not popular on Cruise Critic is that you use the word brilliant so often it becomes annoying and that RCCL has no problem spending a few bucks and holding a ship sponsored meet and greet for us Cruise Critic members. It’s a great way to meet your fellow cruisers that you have been communicating with and we appreciate the way RCCL feels about Cruise Critic people. This is cheap. Hey Carnival, give us Cruise Critic members a break and make us happy.

John says:
Hello Kevin Cadeskis.

I have to admit I am a little bored with this question which I am sure I answered recently. In case I am mistaken I will say that while I can’t comment on what other cruise lines do Carnival is happy to arrange a room to meet and for that to be placed in the Fun Times but that aside, we’re not able to offer any amenities for the meet and greets. I have and will continue to assist with these arrangements. Thanks and I hope we see you soon on another brilliant cruise and it will be brilliant if you let me know if I can arrange a meet and greet for your brilliant Cruise Critic group. Have a brilliant day. Brilliant wishes.


Paige Tanenbauma asked:
Hello John,

As it turns out, our cruise may end up being a working vacation for both my husband and me. Internet security is the utmost importance to us. Can you explain how secure Carnival’s satellite network is or what your knowledge is regarding the ship’s internet security?

John says:
Hello Paige Tanenbaum

I spoke with the internet manager here on the ship who told me that the system has all the usual internet security systems that you would expect but was not able to tell me anymore than that. Now remember we do go off a satellite and that may mean something to your husband but that aside I am sure all will be well for him to use the internet. Please let me know if you have further questions. Best wishes.


Tonya McKinley asked:
Hi John, Nov 3-8, myself and 28 of my relatives are heading on a five-day cruise on the Carnival Paradise. My question is, where is a good place for all of us to meet up on the ship, since we are all arriving at different times, I thought if I mentioned a place we can all meet up after 4 pm would be ideal. But since I don’t know the ship, I have no idea what would be an ideal spot. Any suggestions? This is my first Carnival cruise and very much looking forward to the “Fun Ship”

Thanks bunches!!!

John says:
Hello Tonya McKinley

Thanks for booking your family to sail on the beautiful Carnival Paradise. I would recommend that you all meet by the main pool bar on Lido deck at 4 pm and that should be the perfect time and place for you all to get together. Please let me know if I can help you or your family further and I wish you all a brilliant time. Best wishes.


Delores Tait asked:
I had paid in full to go on the Carnival Fascination ship but my husband fell off a ladder while fixing the roof and broke his leg and arm and Carnival said no refund. This is bad business I think for Carnival and I am telling all my friends if you don’t help me.

John says:
Hello Delores Tait

I am so sorry to read about your husband’s injuries and I hope he is making a full recovery. I take it that you did not have travel insurance which is a shame, of course, and something I really do suggest everyone takes. I cannot promise there is anything I can do but I will refer this to a colleague for you. I hope we see you both soon and my best wishes to you both, until then.


Bob (AKA Kokomo_man) Dennard asked:
Hi John,

I suspect you’ve heard this before, but I wanted to add my voice because I know the beards hear this too. The dates for the BC6 sailing are poor. But I will book it just the same… just as soon as Ron Pass is booked in the piano bar.

John says:
Hello Bob

Actually your first to mention this and I wonder if you could explain why you feel this way as I am concerned. I did ask the bloggers on BC5 and the mostly unanimous decision was yes, so I went with that. Ron will be there and I truly hope you will be too. Best wishes.


Doug Semple asked:
John, when will we be able to see what shore excursions are available for the Carnival Spirit sailing Honolulu to Sydney on the September 30, 2012? I would like to book some but no information is available on the sites. I am sure many others would like to do the same.

John says:
Hello Doug Semple

I asked someone in shore excursions and they tell me by mid August 2012 we will have all the excursions ready to put online. I will keep you informed and I am looking forward to seeing them myself. Please let me know if there are any questions once you have read them. Best wishes.


Chris Elze asked:
Hi John, I have sailed exclusively with Carnival during my married years but now that I am no longer married I have felt the need to sail another line on a trial basis because of the studio cabins that they offer. Please don’t get me wrong as I have absolutely loved all of my Carnival cruises except the last one. I would love nothing more than to return to Carnival for a fifth cruise with you guys. Is there anything in the works with Carnival as far as solo cabins or anything else to help accommodate the solo/single cruiser? I look forward to your response.

John says:
Hello Chris Elze

I have indeed heard this before and I am so sorry that you have had to leave us and head to the studio cabins of another cruise line. We don’t have any plans I am afraid to introduce single rates or indeed to make single cabins but if that changes I will let you know. I hope we will see you again, truly I do but understand the complexities that single cruising brings.  Best wishes.


Tina Pottage asked:
Fantasy 7/30 cruise

We want to be sitting together in the main dining hall. We are in cabins R55, R67 and R73 and are a total of seven. We want early sitting as one of the family is diabetic, so not late sitting!

John says:
Hello Tina Pottage

Thanks for the note and I have sent a kind request to the maitre d to please ask him to kindly seat you all together and I am sure he will be pleased to do so. Have a wonderful cruise and please let me know if I can help further. Best wishes.


Alex Cook asked:
John I love reading the blog and all your FB updates and I am an American from New Hampshire but my grandparents are English like you. I have a question about you. What is your favorite movie and what makes you laugh. Cheers, John.

John says:
Hello Alex Cook

Please pass my best wishes to you grandparents and what a good question. Well my favourite movies are The Hunt for Red October, The Godfather 1 and 2 and anything with explosions and Megan Fox in it. What makes me laugh? Fawlty Towers, Monty Python, The Inspector Clousseau movies and Calvyn, my hilarious assistant. What about you, who makes you laugh and what movie do you like? Let me know and I hope we meet one day soon. Best wishes.



And that is all for today.

So a very good morning from Dubrovnik, Croatia, where at noon local time this glorious new ship arrived at this very special port of call. Before I tell you more about our first cruise, I can’t help thinking what a transformation has occurred here in Croatia. Carnival Breeze guests are disembarking today, ready to explore this fairy tale town that less than 25 years ago was being pounded by artillery and tanks from the hills above. Thousands lost their lives and thousands more lost their homes.

UNESCO found that of the 824 buildings in the Old Town, 563 had been hit by projectiles in 1991 and 1992. In 1993, the Institute for the Rehabilitation of Dubrovnik, in conjunction with UNESCO, estimated the total cost for restoring public and private buildings; religious buildings, streets, squares, and fountains, and ramparts, gates, and bridges at $9,657,578 USD. By the end of 1999, over $14 million USD had been spent on restoration.

It is, however, the people that makes this place so brilliant. They are, for obvious reasons, so happy to see the big ships arrive into their port and also they are proud to show all of us their stunning coastline and old town and the Croatian Tourist Board’s slogan, “The Mediterranean As It Used To Be” becomes reality. And what a glorious day it is as the sun shines down on our new flagship and of course Mr. Radu is ashore taking photos of the ship and this fantastic town.

We have 1,978 guests on tour with the Best of Dubrovnik, the most popular excursion. Some of the guests are using the somewhat slow shuttle service which is provided by the local authorities and costs eight Euros return or round trip as we say in the UK. Europe is so different from Caribbean cruising in the sense that towns, attractions and archeological sites are not as accessible as on small Caribbean islands and more transportation is needed and the distances to be traveled are much further. Traveling in Europe does require some patience with regard to independent transportation which is why we do always recommend that you take an organised shipboard tour. Anyway, let’s see who is sailing with us on this the inaugural cruise of the Carnival Breeze.

GUEST COUNT                          4,002

FRENCH                                            67

DUTCH                                              21

RUSSIAN                                          346

ITALIAN                                           7

PORTUGUESE                                  21

JAPANESE                                        19

GERMAN                                          91

SPANISH                                           58

Children (under 18) – 445

And here is where we are going and who is entertaining the guests

Sun, Jun, 03                Venice –                                               7am-6pm

Mon, Jun, 04               Dubrovnik, Croatia                             12noon-7pm

Tue, Jun, 05                 At Sea and Elegant Night

Wed, Jun, 06               Athens                                                 7am-7pm

Thu, Jun, 07                Izmir                                                    7am – 5pm

Fri, Jun, 08                  At sea

Sat, Jun, 09                 Messina                                               7am-4pm

Sun, Jun, 10                Olbia, Sardinia                                    10am-7pm

Mon, Jun, 11               Rome                                                   7am-9pm

Tue, Jun, 12                 Livorno                                               7am-8pm

Wed, Jun, 13               Monaco                                               7am-8pm

Thu, Jun, 14                Marseilles                                            7am-4pm


Wish you were here.

Yesterday was embarkation day and not without its challenges. Embarking through deck 0 was challenging and when the embarkation computer system crashed quicker than Stevie Wonder driving a Ferrari… night……we knew the challenge just got a whole lot bigger. But the team here all did a marvelous job as crew from every department stood at the gangway and welcomed the guests on board their new home. I wanted to describe how the first night went but instead, let me show you the words of one of the most senior Carnival beards who are sailing here with us with his lovely family. This is an email he sent to the shipboard senior staff and Gerry Cahill and the beards back in Miami.

“Wow – Breeze was hopping tonight….

Team –

I don’t think I’ve seen a Carnival ship so lively into the late night in my five years here.  Despite the late hour and the guests’ jet lag, John’s Welcome Aboard Show and the Motor City show were packed in the Ovation Theatre. Most of those guests then danced and partied in the atrium – with the party spilling from the theatre to the atrium… the live band playing the same song in the atrium, “Dancing in the Street” … brilliant! The casino was also full of people and energy. Then the nightclub started humming. Again, I have not seen a Carnival dance club so packed. The DJ was fantastic. Now I get why we have the dance floor in one level with the rest of the club – people were dancing everywhere. My wife and I left the nightclub a short while ago and it was humming. The crowd was actually growing at 2 am, not shrinking. Our friends are still there….

Even Bonsai Sushi was well attended into the late night. Over 40 covers tonight and people are raving about the food. I’ve talked to several guests (not just our friends traveling with us). Guests are having a great time, and they love the ship. Most people talk about how there are so many things to do, so many fun options… The crew is so proud and always smiling.  They show absolutely no fatigue despite the very hard work of the last few weeks. 

Congratulations.  Absolutely fabulous start. 


And that brilliant email…………says it all!

Yesterday each guest received a special Carnival Breeze inaugural cruise pin and each stateroom received a special inaugural mug and the inaugural book which the captain and I will hold a signing session for later in the cruise. We are finding little things we need to work on that only come to the surface when the ship has 4,000 guests onboard but as the senior beard concurred, we are off to a brilliant start.

My first Welcome Aboard show went well. Not because of me because not having done a show for five months meant I had the comedic timing of a dead hamster. No, it went well because of the guests I had on stage including a man who was on the cruise with his cousin who admitted he didn’t really like. That in itself was funny but after he admitted his girlfriend was at home in Philadelphia and that he would be looking for female company this cruise…..well, that in itself was comedy gold. So I asked the audience if there were any single ladies who would be interested in this chap who was in his early thirties. At first there was silence in the Ovation Theatre until suddenly this older lady jumped out of her seat shouting “I’m a cougar, I’m a cougar” running toward the stage as she screamed this. Now for those who don’t know what a cougar is, I should explain. I guess though it is much more acceptable today than in past years, I mean…look at this cougar thing. When I was 20 and a 40-year-old lady had rumpy pumpy with me I would have had to either leave $50 on the night stand or ….she would have been blind or drunk or probably both. Regardless, she would have been a laughing stock and labeled as desperate or worse. But today….in these modern times, that desperate woman has become a cougar and having rumpy pumpy with someone many years younger than you is as fashionable as a Chanel bag. Anyway, she ran on stage and gave a growl over the microphone. I asked the man whose long dreadlocks made him look like one of those monsters from the Predator movies if he was interested and he said “Mmmmm, maybe,” and smiled. I reminded him that he had a girlfriend at home and if he had rumpy pumpy with a cougar that would make him a cheetah. Anyway, despite that rather poor joke the show went well and the icing on the cake was the Motor City show which was a huge hit.

OK, time to go and head over to Facebook. I should get off the ship today and enjoy Dubrovnik but me getting off the ship is a rare as a French tank moving forward. It’s not just that I have loads of things to do but also because……well……..what will I do if I do go ashore. Table for one? Nope, very depressing. “Go for a walk,” I hear some cry. Well I don’t get the whole walking thing, I really don’t. Walking is just plain silly. It is boring, difficult, tiring and fraught with many dangers. You could have a heart attack, you could be struck by lightning, you could be knocked down by a car or if you are taking a stroll in Italy where the drivers use road signs as mere suggestions and where the pedestrian is just bait. Why walk around the deck of the Carnival Breeze….doing it for a charitable cause is OK but just for “fun”……….that’s insane.

I understand, of course, that we need the ability to walk, so that we can get to the refrigerator to get a Diet Coke and a huge lump of cheese. I know that Heidi has an image of me and my three-year-old daughter going for “long walks in the countryside or in these European ports to get some fresh air.” But the idea of “going for a walk” seems completely ridiculous. Because one you just end up back at the ship again afterwards and what’s the point of going out in the first place if that’s your goal? I am sure that some of the tofu-loving readers of this blog will be saying, “Walking is good for you, you get to see nature and things and enjoy the fresh air” ……. or you could stay in ……….. order some Chinese food and while eating your General Tso’s chicken and spare ribs enjoy watching a pride of lions eat a Bambi on your 60-inch plasma …… that’s seeing nature …….. same thing then.

The most ridiculous aspect of walking though will be seen in a few weeks’ time at the London Olympics. Surely the Olympic Walking event is the single most ridiculous event there is and that’s up against some great competition like syncronised swimming and a bunch of snotty kids driving their BMX bikes off ramps. Nope, competitive walking is the winner. Why do they walk like that by the way? Do they know how ridiculous they look? I admit that I once walked like that but that was only because I had eaten a chicken vindaloo and was touching cloth. And on that note, I will say goodnight and wish you were here on this brilliant ship.


Your friend,

Comment Policy

Look, friends — there are a few things you should remember before you comment. The space below is for you to post your comments about the post I've just written above. Now, while I may not be able to reply to your comment below, I do sit in my underpants almost every morning and read everything that is here. So feel free to comment on the comments and then if someone wants to comment on the comment to the comment then go ahead as well. Please be courteous, unless the poster is French...........then you can say whatever you want.

76 Responses to God Save The Queen’s……………….English

  1. robin jones says:

    Hello John

    Thank you for another awesome blog. I have a question?

    I work in travel and client asked me today “do you consider carnival to be more of a casual line with regards to dress code in the dining room and on the ship?” I was wondering what your thoughts were on this, we were discussing the Breeze sailing in Europe.

    Now on a separate note, with regard to the English language, its a lot older than American hence is the proper way of spelling and speaking!

    Cheers Mate


  2. Isabel says:

    Hmm, one question aren’t plimsolls sneakers/trainers??? LOL

  3. Linda (Mom of DJ) says:

    Delores Tait:

    I have to ask…

    if you bought a Mustang and wrecked it…would you contact Ford Motor Company and demand a refund?

    Of course not.

    If you can’t afford to lose it, insure it or don’t buy it!!

    • Rick Williamson says:

      Linda, he was most likely thinking the insurance cost was to much. I wonder what he thinks now after losing ALL that money he put down for the cruise? Unles it’s a last minute and I mean 10 days or less I always get insurance

  4. Karla Sellers says:


    Just got off the Carnival Dream, cruised 5/26-6/2. We had a group from the Roll Call on Cruise Critic, and had a private meet and greet on the first sail day. It was Wonderful! The CD Steve Knisley, and assistant Korey came by to say Hello! Most of use are huge John Heald fans as well, so we had your picture with us! Peppa was there too! I would also like to comment on the wonderful staff on board the Dream. Elivo and I-Made, room Stewart and the great service we had in the Scarlet Dinning room by Tatjana, Roeul and Parytanto (Please pardon any name spelling errors) When I read others saying there is substandard service, I want to stomp my foot and say, Rubbish! The service of every crew member we encountered was ‘Brilliant’! (Wish I was There…)

    • Phil Hale says:

      So glad you got and recognized Imade. He was our cabin steward on Dream in Dec. and was indeed WONDERFUL! He should be a trainer and pass along his gifts of friendliness, professionalism and efficiency.

  5. Linda (Mom of DJ) says:

    Tina Pottage:

    Obviously you have not been taught two words…


    how sad….

  6. Linda (Mom of DJ) says:


    All I can say is “brilliant”.

    Oops….apparently we are not suppose to use that word. LOL

    Linda (Mom of your friend~who was completely spoiled rotten last week on the Elation~ DJ)

  7. debbie says:

    Brilliant blog John…just Brilliant! Hmmmm…I think I may qualify as a ummmm cougar LOL!

  8. JohNN says:

    Another great blog 🙂 or should i say brilliant. Would love to know thoug if when you break down the guest numbers if you could include all. 4000 guest, but curious to know the rest of the breakdown, your figuress dont add up

    • Linda Mattie says:

      I believe the implication is that the rest of the passengers are from the US.

  9. Barb says:

    Another great blog, John! Just wondering how Mr. Radu gets onshore ahead of the ship to take all of those awesome pictures of the ship coming into port. Does he have his own private boat or airplane?

  10. Julie F says:

    John – Your response to Kevin was BRILLIANT indeed. Ha ha ha ha

  11. Hi John,

    I just wrote to you the other day on an unrelated question, so let me start by saying that I apologize for another request so soon…. but here it is;

    You mentioned the Breeze Inaugural book in your latest blog today, and it made me a little jealous. I have the inaugural book for the Triumph, Victory, Paradise, and Spirit. I have looked all over the internet and cannot for the life of me find a place to buy the Carnival Breeze inaugural book. When you have time, can you please point me in the right direction?

    Thanks so much… and just to aggravate another writer that wrote to you… have a BRILLIANT time on the inaugural voyage of the Carnival Breeze!


  12. Dutchman says:

    Jh, you must be travel insurance for people that don’t think they need it till they need it. Don’t leave home with out travel insurance.

  13. Rita Presnell says:

    TINA POTTAGE…..when making a special request a “please” and “thank you” goes a long way!!!! How rude and absolutely no manners!

    John, NEVER change what you say or do or the way you say it……you are you and there is no need to change. We love you just the way you are.

  14. Mike Watkins says:

    Hi John,
    Mr. Dell (or more exactly) Mr. Gates and Windows has language functions you can set to UK English and though I’ve never used it, I would think it would not constantly try to correct your use of your familiar British spellings.

  15. Don Kraeft says:

    Tina Pottage why don’t you learn how to ask for a favor. I bet you’ve been given everything you’ve ever demanded.

  16. Julie Mendenhall says:

    Brillant blog! Tell Mr. and Mrs. Carnival that their sister and Bro-in-law wish they were there!

    • Lisa Eckhardt says:

      I remember when our new neighbors from England invited my then 4 year old to their daughter’s birthday party in their “garden” (versus backyard). The invitation said to please bring “your costume” so i dressed my little darling in her Cinderella dress. When we arrived we discovered that costume meant bathing suit and the plan was for the children to run through the sprinklers! Lol.

  17. Lisa Skier says:

    Oops his a nerve with the race walking…I learned about this sport from a two time olympian who is a good friend. At one time he walked faster then most people run! When I am good walking form I can walk a 10 minute mile – look it up racewalkers move right along 🙂

    • Susan M / Please reply says:

      Racewalking is a much tougher sport than most think. My son was a USA Track & Field Jr. Olympic Racewalker for 8 years.

  18. Teddy Gautsch says:

    Why do people keep asking for freebies and discounts just because they think they deserve them, Kevin just pay your way like everyone else or find a cheaper cruise and Tina you should try using those famous words everyone is talking about.

  19. Sue in Nebraska says:

    It’s brilliant having you “back as CD”. I love your blogs, but I think they are even more brilliant when you are CDing. You have a brilliant way with words….don’t EVER change!!

  20. To all the people who claim that other cruise lines give refreshmehts at their Meet and Greets, yes, they do, but, for the few hundred dollars more that they will charge for your cruise, do you really need more to eat? We have on several Carnival cruises enoyed an hour long cocktal party for $11.44 which included anything you care to drink. At these parties the CD and his assistant showed up for a fun time. If you ask ahead of time and they are not busy, they will be happy to join in your fun.

  21. Jacki says:

    John –
    Please do not change the way to “talk”. My father was born in Wales, grew up in London, and came to the United States in 1962. He never lost his accent and used the English words, not American. I still have chips with my fish and ride in a lift. Sadly I lost my father 8 years ago. When I read your blog and facebook – it makes me think of him.
    Have a brilliant day – so wish I was there.
    Jacki Hardy

  22. Luis R says:

    Very entertaining blog today! Missing the ship stories for a while.

    Embarkation through deck 0 must be a real let down for repeat cruisers. You miss the very very very first impression of the ship’s interior when you step into the lobby on deck 3 for the first time, look up and find yourself saying…. oooohhhh aaaaaaahhhh at that magnificent atrium.

    I can empathize 100% with Mrs. Delores Tait situation but that whole “help me or I will tell” thing is soooo childish!!

    To Mrs. Paige Tanenbauma, VPN is your friend, just like in land-based Internet connections.

  23. Paige Tanenbauma:

    The ship WiFi isn’t encrypted so there isn’t any security at that level.

    Some VPN software works and many do not, so if you depend on that you may be out of luck. If your VPN doesn’t work and you can adjust the ports it uses, you might be able to use it.

  24. Linda Mattie says:

    I have a little story that relates to what you mentioned in the blog above. On our first trip to England in 1981 we stopped at a B&B in Stradford on Avon for lunch. Before we ate George went to the desk and asked where the bathroom was and he was directed up the stairs to a room which held – a bathtub. He came back downstairs and asked where the toilet was and was directed to a different area. That’s how we learned that in England, and in Europe, if we want the toilet we ask for the toilet. On a side note, I think half of England is in Disney World today since most of the people we talk to are Brits. It seems pretty common most of the time anymore but not surprising given the valuation of the dollar to the pound.

  25. CanuckKaren says:

    You’re in fine form today – your blog had me laughing out loud and reading choice bits to my niece (she may be 30 years younger than I, but has been on 3 times as many cruises – most with Carnival!) Thanks for the giggles.
    Mr.Skrine, I just wanted to point out that Canada comprises a rather large chunk of North America, and we use the British style of spelling. We are somewhat split, however, on words like “lift vs elevator”, “flat vs apartment”, etc. And, of course, we have uniquely Canadian words that set us apart from both the Americans and the Brits (like “poutine” and “toque”). Mind you, unlike John, my fear isn’t the spread of Americanisms in my country, it’s the fear of “text talk” becoming the norm everywhere. KWIM? U watch- it will happen, sooner or L8R. LOL! BB4N.
    Sorry – couldn’t resist. 🙂

    Smooth sailing.

  26. Linda Park says:

    Hello John. Once again I will sent this and just maybe you will respond, this time. I am part of a Cruise Critic group, we are planning to meet at the Tides bar area, deck 10 aft; directly after the drill on board the evening of Aug 2. I hope you can find your way by to say hello. My question is, will the Tides bar be open for service?

    Also I checked out your nationallity tally on the inaugural journey and there is no way you have accounted for 4,000+ passengers. Would the rest be Americans per chance?

  27. Hi John,

    this note is somewhat in response to Paige Tanenbaum’s question about internet security but also contains a question I have.

    For Paige, the ships internet is as secure as you need it to be. Like any other public network you should take caution, but Carnival’s ship-board internet service does allow VPN’s. So if the customer is using a VPN to connect to their office network, it’ll be fully secured by that method. As my wife gets several more weeks of vacation then I do, and she’s quite addicted to Carnival cruises, I spend a lot of time using the ship board internet to work. 🙂

    My question for Carnival is here.

    I was recently on the Liberty and must say that the internet was blazing fast. I’ve been on 8 prior cruises (2 previously on the Liberty) and the satellite internet was always fairly sluggish. To the point where I brought my own satellite internet to use on the ships. But When I used it in November on the Liberty not only was I very surprised by the price reduction, but very surprised in how much faster it was.

    So, the question I guess is, what other ships have had their internet upgraded? 🙂 With the new internet pricing I can now actually take an extra cruise or two per year and ‘work from home’ several days each cruise aboard the ship.


  28. Jeanette says:

    John, an easy way to fix the problem with the Dell not using the Queen’s English is to set the language. It can be done under Options in Pre Office 2007 or Word Options and from there you can set it to the correct English *BG*

  29. Mark Levine says:


    What a great letter on the evolution of language! Fascinating! On the other hand, don’t change of thing: Your use of language is part of your charm, and it doesn’t really matter whether it’s really “proper” or not. It’s you!

    Great to hear about Croatia. I am so sorry for the strife over there, and so glad to hear that area is coming back. Bravo to Carnival for being a part of it!


  30. Bonida Kimbrough says:

    BRILLIANT BLOG! Have a suggestion. Why doesn’t everyone who is a member of ‘any’ club or organization wear name tags or special visors or signs letting others know they are fellow members? That way anywhere they go on the ship they could meet and get to see more of those members rather than try to connect with everyone in one evening. Oh, no, wait. That would be too easy. Why doesn’t CCL have a meeting room on each ship designed for nothing but special group gatherings. Clubs, church services, FOD, FOB, AA, etcetera. Each group could stop by and sign-up for the different time slots (1st come basis) with set time periods so no running over into someone elses meeting. Each group responsible for their own refreshments. CCL could provide a wait person to keep things tidy and each group would be expected to tip that person for their services. They are adults,they can do this John. If they can’t, charge a fee. I know things wouldn’t go as smoothly as my dream but it is something maybe the beards could play with. Just an idea! Loved the blog John!

  31. beverly ann says:

    Hubby and I will be on 12/8 sailing. We will be on the ship the entire holiday of Chanukah. Will there be a place to light CHanukah candles aboard the ship?

  32. Tracey says:

    Dear John,
    I love your stinkin’ guts.
    That is all.
    Tracey 🙂

    PS. Do you know who will be the CD on the Breeze Jan 5, 2013?

  33. Don says:

    Sit back, John. Here’s what we know you’d like to say.

    Kevin: Quit whining! You get a meeting room and mentioned in Fun Times. As we discussed the other day, that’s more than some veteran’s groups are getting. And which one has done more to deserve it? You get the meeting area you say is what’s important, so your real complaint is free food and drinks. Go complain and tell people to spend more on another cruise line or go to a more distant port because you didn’t get a free beer. Carnival has 50% of the cruise market, they’re doing fine without your attempt at blackmail.

    Delores: So you didn’t buy insurance, had an accident, and now expect Carnival to cover you as if you HAD the insurance or esle “I’m telling…” (what is this, kindergarten?) So I can skip my car insurance and then whenever I get into a car accident, then tell Ford the next day that if they don’t give me a new car, I’m telling all of my friends not to buy Fords? Sounds brilliant.

    Enjoy the breeze, John. Have a brilliant day!

  34. Chris Benson says:

    Mr Curtis Skrine. Doh.
    With a better education you would have known that not only the British speak the English language and by doing so we are not anti-American. There are millions of us in Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, Malaysia, Hong Kong, the entire southern half of Africa who spell things correctly and do not have a problem with that. Go to Dubai or Doha and see if they speak and spell American or English. May be an “eye opener” for you. We have not yet succumbed to adding the “ization” to any word to make it into something else. We like the letter “s” but phonic spelling is easier. The inventing of new verbs on USA TV by celebrities is entertainment in itself.
    If you want to dumb down your language do not belittle the people who want to at least maintain a standard.
    Hope all the above is spelt correctly.

  35. June Bowen Jones says:

    Great blog, John! You have the patience of a saint (well, almost!). I can’t believe the cheek of some of these people! Anyway, we love you – and Calvin, of course – we still break out into laughter when we reminisce about some of your early morning shows.Yes – they were brilliant!

  36. Marsha Breen says:

    Oh John…how I’ve missed your blogs lately and the ridiculous comments and questions you put up with every day. It never ceases to amaze me how ridiculous people can be!

  37. Kristil Sahlin says:

    Thanks for all the laughs, John. You never disappoint. 🙂

  38. Erin says:

    Hey John, have you ever seen the preschool show “Kipper”, about this British dog and his friends? That is my Kai’s FAVORITE show — ugh, I think I’ve seen each episode 50+ times now. Anyway, it’s cute because she calls cookies, biscuits sometimes, and flashlights are torches, and when she’s happy, she says, “Waaaay!” Can’t wait to take her on ‘holidays’ with us. 😉

  39. Erin says:

    God — Cruise Critic people can be soooo rude and self-entitled!? I admit I go on there to learn about things and whatnot, but people act like just because they meet some people on a forum that they’re entitled to anything they ask for. And, I’m sorry, but who would be eager to grant anyone’s request after they criticize them over their speech? Manners, people. We learned them in kindergarten.

  40. Erin says:

    AND THE BC6 DATE IS PERFECT! Don’t even think about changing it, LOL! We booked that date before it was even announced as BC6, so I’d say it’s perfect. 😉

  41. Gale & Mirth Westburg says:

    John – very inresting posts today – some folks are just very unhappy and find comfort in whinning about anything and everything – keep on doing just what you are doing – works great for me – my wife and I will see you on the Breeze for back to back trips in Jan 2013 – thanks for what you do – Gale & Mirth Westburg

  42. Marion says:

    We will be on the Breeze October 1st. Does Carnival have shuttle service from the ship into Dubrovnik? Will we be lucky enough to have you on the ship with us in October?

    I haven’t been on a Carnival ship in 14 years. Cruise friends have told me I am “Missing the Boat” and I am looking forward to cruising on the Breeze.

  43. Joleen says:

    Bravo John…oops…I mean BRILLANT John
    You were in great form today & I loved it
    And Poo, Poo to the cruise critic whinners, maybe we should all chip in a penny (or is that too much? hahaha) to collect enough for them to call someone who cares
    And by the way, I LOVE your English words
    Thanks for bringing us this blog, John

  44. Judy says:

    Like Chris i too am forced to chose a studio cabin on a different line. I am now solo and can’t afford paying over 400 bucks more for a cabin on Carnival. Yes i love Carnival in fact changed from the other line to Carnival and only reason back to it is the solo cabins.

  45. Hi John,

    I’m glad you’re back to regular “blogging” and yes… I wish I was there too. Fortunately I get my “cruise fix” with my family (23 of us) on the Valor in less than 2 weeks.

    Since you asked me to elaborate about why I think the time for BC6 is bad… I’ll answer. Simply put, it is too close to Christmas.

    Many people will have just taken time off work for the holidays and will not be able to take off from work again mid January. It’s just too soon. Also, we will probably have spent way too much money on Christmas and will not have enough left for expenses during the cruise. I think there are a lot of us who think early March like BC5 would have been much better.

    I do however recognize that you simply can’t please everyone no matter what dates are picked. But I also think that the beards see setting BC6 for January 19 as a way to increase bookings for an otherwise under prescribed cruise.

    All that said… now that its official that Ron Pass will be there through BC6, as soon as I get this posted I’ll be on the phone to my PVP. I’ll figure out a way to make it.

    Memories of Naked Fanny

  46. Nan G says:

    Thank you , John for the very informative blog. I am really looking forward to boarding the Breeze on 27 June 2012 with my husband & daughter.

    Nan G

  47. Jerry Dittrich says:

    Hey John.
    I am a cruise critic member and could care less if you supply us a place to meet and greet. And I love your BRILLIANT Blog!!

  48. Brenda Blackard says:

    OMG you post was wonderful today–i had a flash Mom is from the British West Indies and only spoke “the Queen’s English”…also a wonderful lady I worked with, who was my mentor, is from England–at her first job in the States she asked her boss if he had a rubber she could borrow—and was mortified when he explained that here an eraser is not considered a rubber–keep up the wonderful work–getting ready for cruise 19…5 days away!!

  49. Diane says:

    John, I thought what Curtis wrote was nicely put, and I for one, learned something. I also think your response was handled nicely. It is hard to see parts of us slip silently by the wayside. The further away they get, the more important they become. So… I will no longer roll my eyes at your Englishisms (spelt all wrong).

  50. Ralph says:

    Kevin Cadeskis,
    Enough of the “I’m special cuz I’m a member of Cruise Critic”. No one cares…and no one should!

  51. The Cruzin2some says:

    Dear John,
    Touching cloth in the states is called “Prairie-dogging it” (spelled correctly)
    The Cruzin2some

  52. The Cruzin2some says:

    Dear John and Beards,
    Its seems to me that alot of different groups seems to ask (Demand) a room to meet in and have lots of free food and drinks. I think Carnival should place these folks in the chapel where they can pray for free food and drinks and if their prayers are answered then they are a important as they think they are.
    Iam just saying!
    The Cruzin2some

  53. Bob says:

    Just got back from eighteen days in the UK. I kept expecting to see Henry Higgins pop out and say “Why can’t the English speak English?”

  54. Erin says:

    And it’s time for you to learn English. 😉

  55. Tim Kriebel, MCPO, USN Retired says:

    OMG, the wackos are out…..hell fire and brimstone… healed all you Carnival sinners!

  56. Terry Sattler says:

    God Bless The Queen and The Royal Family…I have several best mates in England who I frequently chat with. I have loaded the UK English dictionary so things are spelled properly. Guess that makes me Anti-American. I personally love the way Britians’ speak. Cheers John!

  57. Aaron says:

    The new loyalty program is a pile of your majesty’s dung

    • gene says:

      the ones getting the bigest royal scr are the milestones i have been milestone for the last 6 cruises now i go back to platinum wow.

  58. Kippie says:

    I have tried to see who the Godmother is for the Breeze? Can you please tell me. Thanks! Look forward to cruising with you at the end of this month.

  59. Marjorie "Bonnie" Jones says:


    I enjoyed your mention of true English! I went to a private Episcopal girl’s boarding and day high school. (I was a boarder.) In our 12th grade English class we had to learn and be able to recite the Lord’s prayer in OLD ENGLISH! So the way we speak our languages does change! That was 51 years ago and I don’t really much of it but it was beautiful to hear it. Maybe I’ll pull it up on google and see how much I can repeat.
    Crew members from England have become Americanized and unfortunately say things in American English. I am going to ask Risa Barnes’ asstantant cruise director, Robin, if he spoke his and your English when we was home last month. We JUST got off our 4th Fantasy cruise THIS year but don’t plan to go back on the Fantasy until September. (Haven’t decided which ship we’ll go on for our B2B in the fall.)
    Yes, we are cruise-a-holics and have been on 37 Carnival cruises! We have been on ships of 5 cruise companies that no longer exsist!And we’ve been on all others except HAL _ too many old people. But Canival has become our favorite cruise line!

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