Q: WHAT IS A SHITZU? A: ZOO WITH NO ANIMALS

September 26, 2012 -

John Heald

As I sit wading through the questions and the reviews here on the blog, I often wonder as I reply what’s real and what is as fake as half the breasts in California. You see, that’s the problem, isn’t it, with review sites or any social media page that allows people to post what they want. In the beginning, way before I had even started my blog, there were cruise ship sites that were full of great information and honest reviews but all of them, this blog included, have now the a magnet for bastards and revenge seekers who will punish cruise lines because simply, they can. Most of what’s written in the comments section on this blog and on my Facebook page and on Cruise Critic is still rational and useful but if you took half the moaners seriously, the closest you would come to taking a cruise would be watching re-runs of the Love Boat.

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Last week Eric the Beard launched a contest on my blog to for you to submit a slogan for the T-shirt for Bloggers Cruise 6. Now, I know that the prize was a fantastic cruise for two on BC6 right here on the Carnival Breeze, but I was shocked that 260 of you entered. And while that is wonderful and somewhat humbling to see, I am bemused even more by something and that something is why would anyone truly want a T-shirt with my name or picture on it? Obviously, putting your face or name on a T-shirt is OK if you are a superstar like LeBron James, Justin Beaver or Captain James T. Kirk …….but me …….. I am confused.

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Fighting Talk

September 19, 2012 -

John Heald

Now and then I get some posts that are very personal and attack me with such venom that it leaves me quite shaken up. There was one particular post I won’t grace with publishing but let me say it was so personal and full of such hate that it pushed my thick-skinned soul to the limit. You know, I spent all of my school years without ever getting into a fight, and even when the school bully Shane Ibrahim used to beat me with a wet towel in the changing rooms I remained calm and polite and tried to brush it off with humour. And that’s a practice that I continue to this day. (more…)

Bloggers Cruise 6 Slogan Contest

September 19, 2012 -

Eric the Beard

Hello Bloggy People,

Eric the Beard here with some fun and exciting news. If you were on Facebook yesterday, you may have heard that John crossed the 15 million view mark right here on his blog thingy! This is an exciting milestone for him — as well as for us tofu-loving beards — and it’s a testament to how amazing this wonderful community of bloggers and cruise lovers really is.

So… it would be un-beardly of us if we didn’t do something to celebrate, right? That’s why I’m excited to announce the official Bloggers Cruise 6 Slogan Contest!

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HALLOWEEN FRIGHT 2012

September 17, 2012 -

John Heald

Much of the news last week was dominated by a pair of royal breasts. Yep, poor Duchess Kate bared her bosoms in the garden of her and Prince William’s honeymoon villa only to discover that while she had her knockers out, a sleazy French photographer had disguised himself as a squirrel and taken photos of her nakedness. This should be no surprise as he was ….well, French, and this means I can talk about them. What can I tell you about the French? Well, there is a tunnel connecting France to Britain beneath the English Channel which has to make it easier for the French government to run away to London during future invasions. France has a large and diversified economy which is surprising because the French hardly work at all. If they are not spending four hours dawdling over lunch, they are on strike and blocking the roads with their trucks and tractors.

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WE WON…YOU DIDN’T….NAR NAR NA NAR NAR

September 14, 2012 -

John Heald

I think the time has come to introduce a solid gold plastic ship on a stick which is presented to those guests who have won an award for being ……well…………..being a bit dense!

After what has happened here with two guests, I think it is something we have to do. (more…)

Pour Some Sugar On Me

September 11, 2012 -

John Heald

Now and then, I get comments that include the words “nickel and dime” and go on to tell me how everything on a Carnival ship should be free and we shouldn’t charge for anything on board. Obviously, we do have some areas where we charge extra and yet you can still take a Carnival cruise and eat, drink and be entertained without spending anything extra short of the recommended gratuities you kindly leave the staff. One thing we definitely do not do is try and get you to buy something other than what you have ordered. I think the correct street term for this is up-selling. (more…)

THIS BLOG IS GOING DOWN UNDER

September 7, 2012 -

John Heald

So here I am back in the cruise director chair again which up until this morning was brilliantly occupied by Butch Begovitch who will return to be the permanent CD here after the crossing. He has left the ship in good order and really has left me with no major headaches…… except one. You see we have a new staff member who is going to require some “counseling,” as tofu eaters would call it.

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Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.