BRUCE, STELLA AND RYAN

October 10, 2012 -

John Heald

I don’t get up to the Sports Deck here on Carnival Breeze much, mostly because I simply don’t have time and because it has the word “sports” in the title. However, I did get up there yesterday to check out the new foosball and pool tables we have had installed and to look at some work that the Fincantieri workers were doing while we were in Venice yesterday.

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Fat people like me never really think about how fat they are unless they are presented with an economy-class seat or have to buy clothes from a store that doesn’t have the words Big or Mighty in its name. With small people, things are different. They think about their height all the time. This gives them what doctors call SMS…….small man syndrome. At parties, they feel excluded from conversations as they wander around banging their heads on coffee tables. On busy subway trains they feel bullied. And when shopping for clothes, they quickly become fed up with being directed to Baby Gap. This is why a vertically challenged psychic/”professional medium” guest is so upset, that and the fact that I refused him permission to set up in a lounge and hold “readings and contact” sessions. I listened to him, spoke respectfully to him and yet there was no way I was ever going to let him sit in the Ocean Plaza and try and contact the dead. Can you imagine the Fun Times:

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When people become really famous, I am sure there must be times when all they want is anonymity. I bet that with all their fame, money, houses, yachts, Aston Martins and all the Latvian bottoms they can lay their eyes on, people like Kate Middleton, Justin Beaver and Lebron James wish that they could walk into a restaurant or pop out to McDonald’s without being pointed at as well as having the comfort of being able to make a phone call safe in the knowledge that a sweaty reporter from one of Rupert Murdoch’s newspapers isn’t listening.

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LAP TOPS AND LAP DANCERS

October 1, 2012 -

John Heald

Oh, FFS! I am sorry to start today’s blog with that now well-known phrase but I just got my tickets for my trip starting October 16th. And with flights to London, Miami, New Orleans, Miami, London and Venice, it means I will be flying six times in 10 days and that’s why I started with a huge oh, FFS!

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Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.