Sent: Friday, April 26, 2013 9:41 PM
Subject: Comment about the big band dance from ____ Mr_______

Good Evening John

Guest came to the desk to state that during the big band dance in Satchmo’s at 7:30pm a small child was running around the dance floor bumping into Mr_____ and his wife. Guest states that the staff did nothing to stop this and the parents were encouraging the child to do this. Mr____is wanting the Fun Times to state that these dances are adults only. Guest has asked to speak to you John, and please know that guest was very loud and shouting at me

Thanks and regards,

Guest Services Associate



April 26, 2013 -

John Heald

Is it just me or are the words “please” and/or “thank you” being used less and less these days? I have sat here in my underpants and invited my blog readers to ask me questions and to tell me if they need my help and therefore I have to accept how those questions and how those requests are made. But they are such small words to say after all and it’s not like I am asking you to type the Gettysburg Address after asking me for a sodding table for two. Saying “thank you” is easy and I wonder why so many seem not to be able to say it? I was taught by my Mum and Dad that politeness costs nothing and, from an early age, it was drummed into my head that I should say “thank you.” This was OK and I accepted it but I didn’t always like it, especially when it was my birthday as a child when I had to write a thank you letter to everyone who had sent me a present. (more…)


April 24, 2013 -

John Heald

 Let’s start today with one of our most popular excursions in the Mediterranean, in April ………. snorkeling! (more…)

I am in a foul mood and not just because of Minnie who, as you will see later, has continued where she left off. No, my foul mood is based on the fact that I have lost my credit card. Somewhere between the hotel in Tampa where I stayed before joining Carnival Legend and the guest cabin I stayed in for the cruise before I took over as cruise director, I have lost the sodding thing. I haven’t used it at all but this morning went to reach for it to pay for my wife and daughter’s cabin when they join me in 12 days……………and it has gone. Bugger! (more…)


April 19, 2013 -

John Heald

Did you know that Carnival provides every crew member a TV with a DVD player in their cabins? It’s a nice touch, isn’t it?  And one I know the crew appreciate, along with the refrigerator every cabin is also given. In the old days, crew members, like myself, would go ashore in ports like St. Maarten where TVs and VCR players etc., were ridiculously cheap. Then along came Best Buy and the like so crew these days, buy their electronics in the American homeports which are now far cheaper than the Caribbean ports. And back in those days every ship would have an enterprising crew member who would buy video films from someone with a wooden leg and a patch over his eye and make dozens of copies and then open their cabin up at night for movie rentals……..and they would make a fortune.  These days, that kind of thing is not allowed, of course, and in fact all the ships have a free DVD library for the crew with hundreds of movies and TV box set thingies to choose from. I was about to say that we have our very own Blockbuster on board but then I realised that it’s April 2013 and Blockbuster is, I think, gone or if not gone, almost gone. I actually will miss Blockbuster. OK, I will admit that becoming a Blockbuster member was a long sodding process. You had to show the 16-year-old kid in the shop your driving license and your birth certificate and then you had to drive to the shop and back again as soon as the movie was over, otherwise you would pay which would cost almost as much as it cost to make the movie. (more…)


April 16, 2013 -

John Heald

There are things on this 15 day trans-Atlantic cruise that are not popular. The night club, for instance, which despite playing only a mix of 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s music and some country, have by midnight, been as empty as a book entitled Great French War Victories. Then there are things that have been a massive hit such as the matinee movies. These have been shown in either the Firebird Lounge which is where we have the Punchliner Comedy Club or the main theatre which here on the Carnival Legend, is called the Follies Lounge. Yep – Argo, Life of Pi, Lawless, Bridesmaids, Parental Guidance, and Taken 2, etc., have been very, very popular indeed. (more…)


April 12, 2013 -

John Heald

So Zoe is staying. This was the news that greeted me when we met last night and I must say that I was both happy and surprised. Happy that she had decided not to take the long flight home from Bermuda to Florida but, instead, would be staying with us here on the Carnival Legend. (more…)

A Tale of Two Ladies

April 10, 2013 -

John Heald

Being single certainly has some superb benefits. You always get control of the remote control, you can eat what you want and not worry about what anyone else wants and if you’re male, you can leave the toilet seat in a permanently down position. But I have always marveled at the single cruiser, sitting alone on the Promenade deck, surrounded by couples. There are single cruise groups as well and they are an excellent way of meeting people. But for some guests, being part of a “single but looking for love” group cruise is not what they want. Yep, cruising single is not always easy. All of this came to mind yesterday when I was walking along the Deck 2 Promenade here on Carnival Legend and I saw a middle-aged lady sitting on her own by the Atlantis Bar. It was 9:30am or so, the ship was in Nassau and many guests were ashore. She wasn’t reading or doing anything really, she was just…….well……..sitting. I gave her a cheery good morning and she gave me what can only be a half-hearted smile in return. Now, I was actually in a bit of a rush as I was heading to meet with another guest who I will speak more of later in the blog. (more…)

The past two weeks I have flown from the UK to Italy (one hour forward) and back again (one hour back). Then it was off to Russia (four hours forward) and then back from Russia (four hours back.) Then this week I flew from the UK to the U.S. (five hours back) plus my time at U.S. Immigration (two days back — or so it felt like). Then this previous week during my handover week on Carnival Legend, I was living out of a suitcase in a guest cabin unable to unpack properly and with no office to Facebook and blog from plus organise (YES, YOU SODDING BASTARD OF A COMPUTER, ORGANISE IS SPELT WITH AN “S”) a 15-day trans-Atlantic where I had to use my cabin as an office. Yep, it’s been a hectic month for sure. (more…)


April 1, 2013 -

John Heald

So the Miami Heat were on a massive winning streak and then I arrive in town and they get their arses kicked by a heard of bulls. Yep, basketball, I love it and so do millions of people around the world. I fell in love with basketball the first time I went to see a Miami Heat game. The American Airlines Stadium was packed and while I had not very good seats I could see the main attraction, the Miami Heat dancers. I love them all and expect they have names like Crystal and Summer. I watched them dressed in very short cheerleader-type skirts and tight T-shirts with the Heat emblem festooned across their ample breasts. I dreamt that on hearing my British accent I would have my Hugh Grant moment with in the changing room. (more…)

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.