THE LIDO DECK DIET

August 29, 2013 -

John Heald

 If you are Johnny Depp or Russell Crowe or some moody famous person and someone disturbs your meal by saying, “I don’t mean to bother you,” you can tell them to bugger off. The most that will happen is that the person will never watch one of their movies again. Now, I can’t do that. If someone disturbs my meal with the usual, “Don’t mean to bother you,” then, despite the fact that there are times that I want to say, “Can you come back after I have finished shoving a huge fork full of beef in black bean sauce down my throat?,” I can’t. That’s because the guest will write to Gerry Cahill and request I be tied down onto the deck, naked, and a box of hungry escargot’s emptied over my dangly bits. (more…)

MADE IN INDONESIA

August 26, 2013 -

John Heald

 We serve of them on average of 600 portions each cruise here on the Carnival Legend and their popularity keeps on rising. There was a public outcry when due to droughts in Indonesia, we could not source them. Yep, we are of course talking about snails or to give them their posh name…….escargots. If there is such a thing as reincarnation, please, Mrs. God, don’t let me come back as a snail – what a miserable life they lead. You spend your life trying to avoid being swallowed by a bird, crushed underfoot into a shell/slime soufflé or boiled alive, smothered with garlic butter and devoured by Mr. and Mrs. Seaugo in the dining room of a Carnival ship. Regardless, it seems you love them and here is a photo of Sid the Snail and his mates as taken by Mr. Radu. (more…)

So this is our last Baltic cruise and, goodness me, it has gone quickly. Next cruise, we will be in the Norwegian fjords and I will be talking about this in more detail on the next blog posting. Has the Baltic season been a success? Well as far as I can see based on the guest comments, the answer is a huge yes. There have been some challenges for sure but overall it has been a wonderful two months and I hope that airline fees settle down and that this and other operational reasons allow us to return here soon. (more…)

My wife Heidi runs a very tight domestic ship. With me traveling and being away as much as I am, she runs the household completely. Heidi pays the all the bills and makes sure my subscription to “Latvians In Stockings Weekly” is paid, takes care of all things around the house and garden and any DIY.

 She also has the traditional duties of cook, cleaner and occasional nurse. Indeed, the title of housewife no longer describes what she does. Yep, Heidi is our domestic chief executive officer. Now, like other CEOs, Heidi has to deal with hostile takeover bids as in attempts by others who have a fetish for fat ugly British cruise directors who try to seduce her husband. Like CEOs Heidi has to deal with, demands of long-term board members, or in this case, our parents. (more…)

 

“It’s too loud — are you trying to kill people in there?”……..and with that a very upset elderly British lady waved her hand in my face as I tried to talk to her and stomped out of the lounge. Hello, everyone, from a beautiful morning here in St. Petersburg, Russia. Yep, that lady I just told you about was not happy and I did my best to appease her and followed her down Promenade Deck away from the show room trying to apologise, trying to get her to talk to me. But her British lip was stiff and defiantly in the upright position and she waved me away again like she was swatting a mosquito with a rolled up newspaper. (more…)

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.