BOOK………………ENDS.

September 27, 2013 -

John Heald

So here we are, three days into the trans-Atlantic crossing, and we will be talking a lot about this over the next few days here and on Facebook, I am sure. And today I want to start by talking about books. Now I have done ummmm……….ummmmm……..bugger me………..I have no idea how many TA’s I have done but it’s a heck of a lot. Some, I don’t remember, some I do.  There was one on Carnival Freedom where I was tormented by one guest who looked like Rodney Dangerfield, one on Carnival Liberty with a huge GI outbreak that certainly wasn’t fun, and one on the Carnival Splendor that was amazing because we had 16 days of glass-like water as we crossed the pond, it literally was…….. a pond. (more…)

The Hangover………before the TA

September 23, 2013 -

John Heald

 

“We should ban anyone over 40 from drinking alcohol on board.” Good morning. It’s 8:35 am here as I begin to write this part of today’s blog. My morning started with a visit to the coffee shop before I hosted the Morning Show and that’s when I met a guest who, through half-closed eyes and the complexion of a bullfrog, said these words, “We should ban anyone over 40 from drinking alcohol on board.” (more…)

MICHELLE – COULD YOU DO WHAT SHE DOES?

September 17, 2013 -

John Heald

 I started to give up caring what clothes I wore and about fashion as I gradually got fatter during my late twenties, in the same way I gave up on nightclubs, ever seeing my gentleman’s sausage again without the help of a mirror, or downing tequila shots at Carlos and Charlie’s with Calvyn in Cozumel. Even as a kid, I didn’t care and the only time I did care about clothes was during my single and thin twenties when I thought clothes could get me some rumpy pumpy. This proved to be bollocks because you can’t polish a turd……..if you get my meaning. As a cruise director, though, I have to look smart…..ish. My usual attire is a blue blazer, open-neck shirts and nicely pressed trousers and mostly clean underpants. Comfortable shoes are also a must for me. (more…)

The Bloggers Cruise will be on Carnival Sunshine on February 16th 2014 from New Orleans and registering will entitle you to be part of the private events, shows, activities and a few gifts from me to you………..no, not fruit.

I am planning a lot of surprises for this cruise and I will also be bringing some of the entertainment I have been highlighting here in Europe so I have no doubt that this will be the best bloggers cruise ever. I truly hope to see you there.

 

Cheers

John

 

Here is the link

 http://channel.buddymedia.com/fanpage/canvas_preview.php?canvas=506b15ba37a53&preview=true

BILL IN A BAR…………….JOHN, YOU IDIOT!

September 12, 2013 -

John Heald

Sometimes we make mistakes………….embarrassing ones……………like this:

From: LEGEND GUEST SERVICES
Sent: Tuesday, September 10, 2013 7:09 PM
To: LEGEND CRUISE DIRECTOR
Cc: LEGEND ASSISTANT CRUISE DIRECTOR; LEGEND MEDIA COORDINATOR; LEGEND GUEST SERVICES; LEGEND GUEST SERVICES SUPERVISOR; LEGEND GUEST SERVICES MANAGER
Subject: Schedule Friends of Bill W

 

Good evening John,

Mr_________from cabin _____ called about the Friends of Bill W meeting which in the Fun Times says it will be at 5 pm at the Atlantis Bar. Mr._______feels that it is not appropriate to have this meeting at a bar and would like to discuss this with you.

Thank you & kind regards,

Guest Services Associate, Carnival Legend
Carnival Cruise Lines

(more…)

My morning started with tears, lots of tears. Not mine but one of my staff’s. A dancer, in fact, who was unceremoniously dumped by her Italian boyfriend who is home on vacation and told her by email that their two-year romance was over and, when he returned to Carnival Legend in New York, that he would be doing so as a single man. And that was me putting my big brother hat on. Actually, that’s bollocks. The dancer is 25 so I put my dad hat on……oh, FFS, I am seriously old. I felt very sorry for her and my offer of a shoulder to cry on accompanied by a box of tissues, seemed to help a little, but not much. I had seen her looking very sad backstage the night before and sensing something wasn’t right, I said if she needed to talk that she could call me. She did. And the water works began. (more…)

From: LEGEND GUEST SERVICES SUPERVISOR
Sent:  Wednesday, September 04, 2013 11:32 AM
To: LEGEND CRUISE DIRECTOR
Cc:  LEGEND GUEST SERVICES; LEGEND GUEST SERVICES MANAGER

Subject: **** – Mr. ———— – comments on internet for Cruise Director

 

Hello John,

Mr. ______- wishes to speak to you regarding the following Internet speed – guest is very unhappy with this as he states he has a very important business deal to complete which now he cannot. He has asked for higher speed and free use of the internet because he says we may have lost his business deal for him. Guest also states he has other things that he is not happy with and wants to discuss today with you. Please can you contact him when you can? Thank you and kind regards.

Guest Services Supervisor

Carnival Legend

 

(more…)

GAME OF MOANS

September 3, 2013 -

John Heald

These days, most TV game shows like Who Wants to be a Millionaire or Jeopardy tend to have celebrity versions where Z-list celebrities are people who came 28th on American Idol or have been in a soap opera or a reality show with Mr. Trump or who starred in a rumpy pumpy tape that their boyfriend filmed without their knowledge. Instead of us watching regular members of the public on a TV game show, sweating nervously as they try to win enough money for a Carnival cruise or a new car or to buy a bigger thingy, we have a celebrity who most of us have never heard of trying to win lots of money for the charities that often involve donkeys or the protection of a rare bird that has been sighted off the coast of Michigan. (more…)

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.