To start today I want to make a bit of a statement. You see, this week someone wrote to Carnival suggesting I was a dinosaur non-politically correct waste of blood and organs who had no right to be working for an organisation like Carnival Cruise Lines. So with your kind permission, I would like to say something to that regard. To me, political correctness started as a pretty good concept, a great idea that fat blokes like me should not be allowed to talk about or have fun with……..well………anything. But then it took over the world so that when something non-PC was said committees and organisations could hold emergency meetings and decide if a joke or word or a suggestion is worthy of having the author fired and then sued. And here comes the self-serving massive pat on the back for me bit. You see, I have to ask the question — if I am so offensive as was suggested by someone this week, why haven’t I been fired?

 Well, obviously I like to think that I am providing a service and that aside from jokes about the French and other nationalities and, indeed, constant self-deprecating humour, I provide a service of information and assistance. Why do I get by far and away the biggest audience in the cruise blog world and why do I have 54,000 readers on Facebook? I like to think that it is because my writing is virtually the only unedited blog written from the heart and not from the corporate playbook there is in the cruise industry. I am a middle-aged, overweight chap and I can’t write in a metrosexual touchy feely way, I just can’t. I am the same on stage as well as anyone who has seen me will tell you. I start each week making fun of myself and, by doing that, show that it’s OK to laugh at yourself and with others. I do cross the line but what scares me is that line is getting narrower every day and soon it will become a non-existent line and, quite frankly, that scares me. So maybe I am a dinosaur but, to the person or persons who think I am bad person, a cruel one even, I really am not. I like to think I have a heart as big as our ships but in this politically correct world we all live in…………. I wonder if that is enough?

 Time to move on and get into some questions – away we go;

 Linda Navarro asks:
Hi John,
Not a question, just a comment about the Texan who didn’t think the Indian food should be continued. We LOVE the tandoori food bar and are disappointed when they don’t have it on a ship, like the Conquest. We are heading to the Carnival Breeze tomorrow and will be eating tandoor every day! Keep it going!

 John says:

 Hello Linda Navarro

There are many who agree with you and I think a lot of people though are nervous to try it but once they do, they are smitten. The butter chicken is fantastic. So enjoy all that wonderful food and I wish you the very best of times. Best wishes.


 Melanie Ottinger asks:

 Having read many times your glowing recommendations for Carnival’s pay extra steak house, I decided on my cruise on Carnival Dream to give it a try. Imagine then how disappointed and, honestly, John, how quite angry I was at the total lack of choices for vegetarians. You’re going to tell me that it is a steakhouse so what do I expect? I expect Carnival, like every other steakhouse I have been to in New Jersey, to have more than one choice for the main dish which was some sort of mushroom pie which was tasteless. Maybe when you recommend the steakhouse, you should have the common decency to add that Carnival does not cater to vegetarians because it was the worst $35 I have ever spent!!!!!!!!!!!!

 John says:

 Hello Melanie Ottinger

I am very sorry to read about your disappointment with our much applauded steakhouse on the Carnival Dream. I do realise that, outside of the many side dishes, there is only one main course choice and maybe we should look at adding at least one more. I will bring this to the chef and see what we can do. Please also make sure next time you cruise that you let the steakhouse hostess know the day before that you are going to be eating there so they have time to prepare something that hopefully you will really enjoy. I hope despite this that you had a great cruise and that we see you again soon. Best wishes.


Raimondo Quijada asks:
John, can you tell me why the most popular type of music in the whole world is so poorly represented on your boats – LATIN MUSIC, my friend. My family and I were expecting lots of bands playing this on our cruise on Carnival Victory from MIAMI but there was none. Why, when most of your customers from Miami are Latino? The service was very good but no Latin music meant we were bored after dinner.

 John says:

 Hello Raimondo Quijada

Thanks so much for writing and let me start, if I may, by respectfully stating that, while some of the guests on the ship were from Miami, hundreds of others were not and we do try and cater to all of North America and beyond when it comes to music on the ships. There were, of course, shows and comedy shows each night which I hope you saw because it would be a shame if you missed them. I also see that we have a band playing now on the ship called Mambo Magic. I am not sure if they were there when you were but we have them there now as part of the varied music selection. I do hope you had a great cruise and that we will see you again soon. Best wishes.


Stacie Waters asks:

I am so thankful for the wonderful news you post and your blog. Just wanted to tell you to hold your head high and not worry about the haters, they’re just jealous. Love you and Carnival. Can’t wait to sail again.

 John says:

Hello Stacie Waters

That is so very kind of you and, as you see from the start of the blog, sometimes I…. well ………… never mind, just a huge thank you to you for your support and if there is ever anything I can do please let me know. Best wishes.


 Floyd Conklin asks:

 Hi John, we love the Punchliner comedy shows but also love the drink of the same name. Any chance of getting me the recipe? Thanks, John.

 John says:

 Hello Floyd Conklin

I am very glad to read you enjoy laughing out loud at the comedy shows and here is the drink that probably helps just a little. Hope you get to enjoy it one again with us soon. Cheers.


 .5 0z. Sky Vodka
.5 OZ Flor de Cana
.5 OZ Bombay Gin
.5 OZ Blue Curaco
1.00 OZ Lemonade
0.75 OZ Monin Lychee Syrup
Splash of club soda
Put everything in a mixing cup – shake well while wearing only underpants and pour in a large glass over ice, garnish with lemon

 Mary Szo asks:

John, Our itinerary was changed once due to the fact that the Carnival Miracle was having mechanical problems and could not get up to speed. That was OK with us–but I am angry that I spent $450 for passports for my elderly in-laws and myself, so we could see Canada. Then Carnival cancelled yet another port –so casually– I am sure I am not the only person who purchased passports for this port. Why couldn’t another ship have been substituted? HUGE disappointment at the end of an otherwise wonderful cruise.

 John says:

 Hello Mary

I am very sorry this happened but the current and weather did not allow us to call there. Let me ask that you send me this again to so that my colleagues can take a look at it. We can’t just replace a ship as obviously this disrupts many more people but as I said, please send this to the address above. Thanks so much. Best wishes to all.


 Christopher Geurin asks:

 While on our cruise on the beautiful Carnival Breeze, we were panicked to hear the Alpha Code on the sea day at 3pm and knowing what this meant, I rushed from tea time to my cabin where my wife was taking a nap. It was only after my wife made me call guest services emergency line that they told me it was drills and not the real thing. John, may I suggest to you that, in the future, the captain or whoever did the announcement tells the passengers that it’s a drill because I cannot have been the only one who knows that alpha means fire. Thank you for your time.

 John says:

 Hello Christopher Geurin

The simple answer to that is, yes, and it really is something that I think most ships are already doing and they preface the announcement with “for drill purposes only.” I will send a reminder to all concerned because I agree that this is something we should make sure is done. Please allow me to apologise and I hope you had the most wonderful cruise. Best wishes.


 Lori Berenger asks:

 Why can’t I smoke in my cabin? It’s too far to walk to the Lido for coffee, how do I get it in my room? Call room service 🙂 That’s too much work. Re-think this please, Carnival, us smokers have rights, too.

 John says:

 Hello Lori Berenger

I am afraid that we will most likely, if not definitely, never return to smoking being allowed in the cabins. Hopefully we will continue to have areas on the ship where smoking is indeed allowed. Thanks for writing Lori, I do hope you had a great time and we see you soon. Best wishes.


 Jennifer Anthony asks:
Hi John!
My husband and I are VERY excited to be sailing on the Carnival Sunshine on May 30! We actually both sailed on this ship as teenagers way back in 1998 so we are looking forward to seeing all the updates and changes that have been made to it. Anyway, I happened to notice an article yesterday about this virus called Chikungunya that has been spreading rapidly through the
Caribbean. It is spread through mosquito bites so we plan to use plenty of insect repellant while on our cruise! We were wondering if Carnival was aware of this illness and if the infirmary on the ship has any way of treating it if a passenger comes down with it. I was going to ask you on your Facebook page but didn’t want to cause a ruckus or freak anyone out. This will be our sixth Carnival cruise and thankfully we have never had to visit the infirmary so we are a bit clueless as to what services they provide. Any info you could give us would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!

 John says:

 Hello Jennifer Anthony

I am so glad you are excited about your cruise, I am sure you will have the best of times. We are keenly aware of this mosquito concern – although very few cases have been reported in the Caribbean – and to that effect, we have the following safety message on our Fun Times in some of the Caribbean ports. “To minimize your risk of getting any mosquito borne illness, we suggest you wear long sleeve shirts and full length pants, preferably of a light color, as well as applying insect repellent that contains DEET. If using sunscreen, apply sunscreen first and insect repellent second.” This is also mentioned by the cruise directors at their talks. I hope this helps, so please do not worry and just get ready for a brilliant cruise.

Best wishes.


 Pam Darby asks:
Hi John, I responded to the survey that Carnival sends, but I also wanted to let you know that we had the best time on our 14th Carnival cruise aboard the Carnival Elation. I wanted to give a shout out to a few of the fabulous team members. Witaya, our room steward on the Upper Deck, was one of the best we’ve had. Victor and Jennifer at guest services were awesome and remembered my name from day one! Ruther, the Lido bartender, was great. Thanks again for the treats and always appreciate what you and the Carnival staff do!!

 John says:

 Hello Pam Darby

And what a great way to finish today’s Q and A. I will be sending this to the ship’s managers so they can pass on your kind words to all concerned. I do hope we see you soon and I am here if you need anything. Best wishes.


 That’s all for today, many thanks again to all who comment and post questions and to you all for reading.

This year, the cruise director schedule has been very fluid with changes all over the place. Some CDs have left and or retired and we have the new entertainment director position that will be slowly introduced on some of the ships in the weeks ahead. Normally, I can post the whole CD schedule for months at a time but, because of all that is happening, I have been unable to do so. But as many are asking, “Who will my CD be?” I have sat here this morning, in my underpants and without care or consideration to my anguish and pain caused by the return of my car pool tunnel syndrome, typed out the schedule for June to September. There are a few TBAs and I will fill those gaps soon but, for now, here is what we have:


Fantasy                                   June – August: Pete Linderberg

September: Adam Cornes


Ecstasy                                    June – September: Jaques De Lagne

Sensation                                June – Wee Jimmy

                                                July – Wee Jimmy until 7/17 then Josh Waitzman

                                                August – September: Josh Waitzman

Fascination                             June – September: Paul Santley

Imagination                            June – September: Goose Neumann

Inspiration                              June – September: Jeff Bronson

Sunshine                                 June – September: Jaime Dee


Elation                                                June – Steve Knisley until 6/14 then Robin Gardener

                                                July – September Robin Gardener

Paradise                                  June – September: Steve Cassel

Ecstasy                                    June – Jen Baxter

                                                July – Jen Baxter until 7/14 then Kirk Benning

                                                August – September: Kirk Benning

Victory                                    June – September: Marcelo Alvarado

Spirit                                       June – Eli Sharplin until 6/15 then Stu Dunn

                                                July – September: Stu Dunn

Pride                                       June – Josh Waitzman

                                                July – Josh Waitzman until 7/13 then George Roberts

                                                August – September: George Roberts

Legend                                                June – Brad Calabrese

                                                July – Brad Calabrese until 7/13 then Eli Sharplin

                                                August – September: Eli Sharplin

Conquest                                 June – July Gary Brierley

                                                August – Gary Brierly until 8/3 then TBA

                                                September – TBA


Glory                                       June – Eversen Bevelle until 6/21 then Craig Johnson

                                                July – Craig Johnson

                                                August – Craig Johnson until 8/16 then Eversen Bevelle

                                                September – Eversen Bevelle


Miracle                                   June – August: John Heald

                                                September- John Heald until September 18 then Troy Linton


Valor                                       June – Craig Johnson until 6/15 then Felipe Couto

                                                July – September Felipe Couto

Liberty                                               June – September: Cory Rogers

Freedom                                  June – August Skip Lyons

                                                September – Skip Lyons until 9/14 then Jen Baxter


Splendor                                 June – Malcolm Burn until 6/25 then Jason Apps

                                                July – Jason Apps

                                                August – Jason Apps until 8/28 then Malcolm Burn

                                                September – Malcolm Burn


Dream                                     June – August: Troy Linton

                                                September – TBA


Magic                                      June – James Dunn

                                                July – James Dunn

                                                August – James Dunn (TBA date) then Hennie Van Heerden

                                                September – Hennie Van Heerden


Breeze                                     June – September: Matt Mitchum

 So there you have it. More movement than an elephant with explosive diarrhea, but a schedule of sorts. I see a few comments here and there that say a cruise director makes no difference to their cruise. But I see many more that say a good cruise director can make one heck of a massive difference and that is always wonderful to know. Let me know if you have questions about this and I will have the rest of the year for you in the weeks ahead.

 It has been a strange few days in the world of social media. Comments about my mother, a vile attack from someone stating that Carnival Dream’s captain and crew were wrong to rescue Cuban refugees who were adrift at sea for days. Yep, there are times when I wonder why I bother but they are few and far between and I am proud, bloody proud to be Carnival’s brand ambassador and until Gerry Cahill replaces me with a more metrosexual politically correct version…….I will continue to be just that, bloody proud!

 Your friend,





Comment Policy

Look, friends — there are a few things you should remember before you comment. The space below is for you to post your comments about the post I've just written above. Now, while I may not be able to reply to your comment below, I do sit in my underpants almost every morning and read everything that is here. So feel free to comment on the comments and then if someone wants to comment on the comment to the comment then go ahead as well. Please be courteous, unless the poster is French...........then you can say whatever you want.

90 Responses to June to September Cruise Director Schedule – Plus A Rant From Me

  1. Darla says:

    Who will be on the Triumph?

  2. Jim Munkittrick says:

    John, allow me to use some rough numbers….20 ships, 3,000 plus per ship..60,000 folks a week…and one PC Nazi write a note to management? I like the odds for saving the world from the PC Police

  3. Laurie Peterson says:

    John I am sooooooooooooo sorry you have to deal with people like the one in the blog above. However this is still America were we have freedom of speech. So everyone is allowed to say whatever dumb ass thing they want. So as he or she tries to silence you. Remember young boys die everyday so he or she can have his dumb ass opinion. Just as you have a right to say whatever you want. A lot of people seem to forget that.

  4. Karen Louton says:

    I enjoy having a CD on the cruises so do not let a few peoples negative comments get you down. We have cruised on all the different lines (10 cruises to date and scheduled for our 11th) and enjoy Carnival very much so keep up the good work.

  5. Enjoy reading your comments and replying to them as well on FB. You almost always give me a chance to chuckle. Wish you had come to Miracle one cruise earlier and we could have met, but perhaps on another cruise. Take care of yourself and don’t put too much stock in some folks’ negativity. They’re either gone or on their way to the Dark Side!

  6. Ken Martin says:

    What Happened to Cruise Director Kevin Noonan? Where did he go? ( unless you cannot say) ALSO Our Splendor Repo Cruise 11/1/14 Group “The Splendorifics” is on pins and needles hoping you can join us as we are over 200 cabins strong. Thanks again for what you do for Carnival Cheers. PS Our Cocktail hour for our group plans on donating a sizeable amount to The St. Jude Cause. Ken aka iahawkize

  7. Laurie Hutchinson says:

    I have not cruised before and my first cruise is June 23rd on the Elation. I have loved reading your fb page and blog. I would love to hear about Robin Gardiner the CD on the Elation.

    Thanks, Laurie

  8. Rene says:


    My husband, son and I just returned from our very first cruise! I have to say that even though at first I did not care who my cruise director was, however am very pleased to say I was very HAPPY to have Weee Jimmy as our CD! He had me laughing so hard at times my sides hurt! We played the Newly Wed game with him and it was so much fun! I can not wait to cruise again and hope to have you on our Alaskan cruise that we going to try to plan for August of 2016! I also recommend doing the Behind the Fun tour! I enjoyed learning things about ship and meeting the Captain along with the goodies that were sent to the cabin later in the evening! Have a great day and stay who you are!

  9. Linda (Mom of DJ) says:


    You have not been fired because Carnival is smart enough to ignore the idiots that write those kinds of letters.

    Linda (Mom of your friend DJ)

  10. Marvin Sowers says:

    We just returned from a 7 day cruise to Alaska on the Miracle. We absolutely loved it and one of the reasons was you, our Cruise Director. I guess we’re equally non-PC as we certainly enjoy your humor, especially the self-depreciating part (since it’s not aimed at us!)

    True story: One morning last week I asked a lady on the boat if she had seen the comic from last night. She quite empathetically said, “NO! I hate comedy. I hate comics. I hate funny movies. I hate cartoons. I hate anyone who likes to be funny!” Her husband then chimed in and said, “Yep, that’s true. She really hates comedy.” But then she goes on to say, “But I really like that John guy, our cruise director. Every thing he says makes me laugh!” True story.

    So you see John, there are at least four people who like your humor….my wife and I, the lady in the story and of course you.


  11. Kris Wright says:

    Greetings John,
    First off, you are an extremely patient and professional man. You take so much guff from people and always reply with patience and dignity. Way to go!

    Now to my question. My dear husband of 29 years and I are taking our 5th cruise on the Carnival Splendor on January 11, 2015. I want to do something so special for my husband on this cruise. He always goes out of his way to make my dreams come true and he has been putting up with me for 29 years. He also is so very kind and giving to my mother, who lives with us. He takes her to doctor appointments, shopping, to get her hair done and the list goes on and on. He is truly the love of my life. On each of our previous cruises, he has always wanted to take the “Behind the Fun Tour” and by the time he usually decides to do it the tour is sold out. I want to surprise him by pre-booking it if possible. I heard that it can’t be pre-booked and you must wait until you get on the ship. Is this true? Is there any way I can get your help? I have purchased the FTTF so my plan is to send him to the room to drop off our carry-on bags and I will make an excuse not to join him so that I can immediately go to the Shore Excursion Desk to book it secretly. Any help you can provide would be most appreciated. I hope that one day we get to sail with you. Keep up the good work and don’t let the negative people get to you. Your friend Kris Wright

  12. Lea Zeqiri says:

    Hi John,
    We love dinosaurs! And we hate political correctness. You may moan, whine or giggle all you like. Hopefully, our next cruise, not the one starting Sunday, but one soon we will get to have you as our cruise director.
    Honestly, I’ve never noticed the CD but I adored Julie on The Love Boat!

  13. James Bell says:

    I can’t imagine someone saying anything about your mother, people often have no sense of decency. As for anyone being upset that suffering people were rescued, I hope they never need help.

    Your Mom should be as proud of you as I’m sure you are of her. Thanks for your insights, and your humor!

  14. Margie Tracy says:

    I now and forever will continue to read your blog and facebook page. I live for my Carnival cruises and your blog and fb page keep me in a cruise kind of mind. I haven’t had a bad cruise yet. I have a 25% off to use for my next one. Just need to come up with the deposit. Us grocery workers don’t make much but I work to support my cruise addiction……oh and to pay my mortgage too. Keep up the good work and ignore the ignoramuses.

  15. I just wanted you to know that I really enjoy your facebook page and your blog. You give me something to laugh about everyday and I really can’t believe some of the things that people complain about. I have never and probably never will cruise anything but Carnival. I will be going on my 6th cruise on Magic with Autism on the Seas July 19, 2015 and I am really excited about that. My only wish is that they would have more on Carnival because I won’t go on the other cruise ship. I just love Carnival.

  16. Lindsey says:


    You are right as rain, about “political correctness!” People who get offended by everything should just stay home. YOU were an ABSOLUTE HIGHLIGHT of our trip on the Miracle! If those corporate types start giving you any flack, you send them to me. You have my email address and I am armed and prepared to fight for your honor.

  17. Chelsea says:

    John, you have 54,000 followers on Facebook because they all love you for who YOU are. Your sense of humor, your politically incorrectness and your openness. Don’t ever change that for the negative nancys of this world. Unfortunately some people just can’t take a joke or care to enjoy this short life we are all here to live. Continue to hold your head up high and remember for every one person who is negative or disrespectful to you, there are thousands who look up to you and can’t wait to read your blog or Facebook every morning.

  18. Harvey Vanecek says:

    John, I do not see the Triumph in the list of cruise directors.
    You are doing an excellent job!

  19. Dawn Nelson says:

    I wanted to know how to organize a group on the Splendor (if one was warranted) to go to Mass together on Sunday, June 22 in Nassau Bahamas. Is there someone upon boarding I should talk to?
    Thank you!

  20. Mark says:

    Here’s my rant back John . The reason you haven’t been fired yet, is because somewhere in Carnival corporate there’s a beard who’s decided that Carnival customers are the lowest common denominator when it comes to cruises, and that we like hearing crass fart jokes .

    This is nothing against you specifically . I’ve met you a number of times in the past, and in person you’re actually an understated lovely man out in public when greeting guests. And I’m not criticizing your humour , or you as brand ambassador, I quite like that the brand ambassador isn’t some tiny guy who doesn’t look anything like the people who actually take carnival cruises . What this is about is about the beard who encourage you to keep up with the fart poop and sexualizing humour . You’re be 1000 times more classy without it , and I’d be a million times more classy to think about booking a cruise when reading your posts if you didn’t talk about your hemorrhoids.

    However , there’s someone out in the headquarters who I assure you does not when he’s out in the evening taking business partners to lunch, or during corporate meetings , nor probably at home with his own kids, allow or encourage discussions about sexualizing women, explosive diarrhea , skid marks on ones underpants and the suffering of , and treatments available for those of us with hemorrhoids.

    But that same beard has essentially given up on Carnivals past association as a cruise line that was less stuffy, and less formal, but a cruise line none the less , and has decided to treat the brand like the Wal-Mart of vacation providers. That same beard has decided that those of us who travel on Carnival are the lowest common denominator when it comes to travel clientele ( and I include myself in this group, I’m at 16 cruises with Carnival and have reached milestones with HAL and other Carnival owner properties ) and has decided that we have a sense of humour that vacillates somewhere between the level of toddlers and that of 10 year old boys and so sees nothing wring with having the brand associated with those things. I’m sorry to say for me personally , when I think of a cruise vacation, I do not think of explosive diarrhea, hemorrhoids , or the random sexualizing of women and in fact, when I do, it makes me feel like not going in a cruise . I pay money to get away from all that crassness .

    He’s probably the same beard who thinks that Americans aren’t capable of enjoying ourselves on our vacation without having a gigantic television screaming in our ear when we go deck side on the ship. He probably thinks us so stupid that aside from the faeces humour , that we are unable to occupy ourselves and certainly incapable of reading a book or enjoying ourselves in some other way so that even while on vacation and traveling in beautiful crystal waters to amazing tropical ports that the one or two days that we are not actually in port, we cannot handled the lack of television and so that beard has kindly provided and also forced upon us the jumbo-tron so that we do not suffer withdrawal from television even whist peacefully sunning ourselves out on deck.

    Now apparently I’m in the minority here as a shareholder of Carnival all seems to be well, and apparently people find your faecal and farting humour charming and welcoming and the beards who decide such things think you’re a good match for the brand .. But I’ll tell you personally , having nothing to do with you personally , it’s this attitude that Carnival has taken, that’s caused me to stop booking cruises with them for the couple of years .. I go on a cruise to be away , and to feel like I’m away and to be in a place that discourages the type of juvenile crassness that people engage in while living their day-to-day lives . And when people feel like they are doing something that’s so special that there’s a bit of higher expectation of social behaviours so that everyone can enjoy this amazing experience , the people behave in that special way socially . You guys are creating an expectation of people acting like they would act in a Wal-Mart, so they do..

    • robert says:

      yes that was quite a long rant. I hope you feel better now. some of us like the JUMBOtron. I don’t think of carnival as a wall mart of cruising but as a great value for a fun ship cruise and a family cruise line. with out all of the old stuff shirts complaining about being a VIP. happy cruising

  21. Julie says:

    And I know you were joking (?!)when you said ’till the day Gerry Cahill replaces me’ but I think that would be the day I would quit cruising with Carnival. You are truly one of the major reasons I keep cruising with Carnival and if you were gone, I might actually have to abandon ship and find another cruise line. That would be scary, cause I have never cruise with anyone but Carnival!

  22. Sharon Gelvin says:

    John, I am angry about all the vicious comments directed your way this past week. I appreciate all your hard work to keep Carnival cruisers informed, your sense of humor and all the information you share. All your comments about cruising, helps me be more patient until my next cruise and keeps me interested in cruising with Carnival. I do not understand how some people let their own dissatisfaction with life make them feel they should be cruel to others. A big thank you again and please keep doing what you do, how you do it and do not change a thing.

  23. Maureen Ulakovic says:

    I love, love, love your blog. It’s wonderful that you have such a great sense of humor. That’s what keeps me reading you. Too many people have lost or never had any humor. This world would be a dull place if everyone was like that. And I guess you’ve already heard that in order to have a good sense of humor, one has to be very smart. Keep on with your personality, John, because it’s so entertaining.

  24. Dutchman says:

    politically correct is the new way the left tries to get around freedom of speech for people they disagree with

  25. John Nagle says:


    What happened to Risa Barnes?

  26. suzanne stivson says:


  27. Michael Hawkins says:

    Lori Berenger, whereas smokers are allowed to smoke in certain areas of the ships I, as a non-smoker who is terribly allergic to tobacco smoke, can make a choice to avoid those areas where smokers are. Now, on the other hand, if a person is allowed to smoke in a cabin and I happen to be the next person who is assigned to that cabin, I have to suffer through the cruise with my allergies working overtime. I would think that you would be so kind to consider this situation as I am assuming that you have some sort of allergies yourself. So, I agree with Carnival and John on this point.

  28. David Bourque says:

    We love you, John. I enjoy the language you Brits use as well as your sense of humor. Buggers to the critics..

  29. Melinda Miller says:

    Had Skip Lyons on the Freedom in April. He made for an enjoyable cruise. We wore our Cat-in-Hat hats to welcome Dr Suiss, but he wasn’t there yet…

  30. Hi John,I read your blog,and follow you on fb,and I must say,you put up with all kinds of people.while some are just outright stupid most are just regular people on a you handle the dumb ones is just short of brilliant.we are 22cruises with carnival and 30with the brand,we are also stockholders I tell you this so you can see we pretty much know the score.don’t pay attention to the nut cases,your loyal followers have your back

  31. Donna says:

    If I found you offensive I would just stop reading. Easy peasey.

  32. We love you John.
    You were the CD on our first cruise ever, and everyone since has been compared to you. You are still the best! We would love to cruise with you again, so please let us know what ships you will be on next year. Thank you for posting the schedules.

  33. Laura Davies says:

    You do a great job John, don’t let the buggers get you down, we love ya

  34. Elizabeth Tucker says:

    This is in reference to the lady who complained about the ” STEAK HOUSE” not having enough vegetarian fare. My daughter in law is Vegan and she had a WONDERFUL experience on the CCL Sunshine both in the Steakhouse AND “the Captain’s Table” A little warning or request gours a long way! My Son said they would definitely do it again!
    Cheers! And Smooth Sailings
    Belly Dancing Betty

  35. Jackie Enge says:

    John, my husband and I had a wonderful Carnival adventure with you as our Director last year on The Legend in Europe and have fond memories and great laughs with you. Don’t let it get you down, your great and wish you were going to be our director this August when we go on the Legend to Panama Not familiar with Eli Sharplin? Can you share a bit about him. Thank you again for everything you do-make us laugh-make us always want you as our cruise director and just being you. Sincerely, Jackie

  36. Jamie says:

    You rock, John Heald!!!!! We have been on 8 cruises now with Carnival (including our engagement cruise on the Valor and our wedding on the Breeze)! We just hope one of these days we get to sail with you as our CD!!!

    Our next will be on the Freedom on July 5 and can’t wait!

    Thanks for all you do! We love the blogs and FB posts!

  37. Cathy avery says:

    John, thanks for being who you are. We’ve cruised with you twice and had so much fun. I don’t let a cruise director make or break a cruise but a good one keeps things going. We recently traveled with Matt Mitchum as cd. He seems like a lot of fun but so quiet we never could hear what his announcements were. At the deck party he let loose. I’m not a complainer and he may be new at this. Tell him to talk louder like he owns carnival. He really is a nice guy.


  38. Well just keep doing what you do..I was on the miracle the week of may 20 this yr to Alaska and have never heard C D make so much fun of himself ( or dick little) while some stuff is offensive to some most is done with a fun heart and no malice intended..the only real crime was the karaoke Machine that big John and myself wanted to toss overboard…I have been on about 9 ships and you truly have been the best..I would suggest you make the rounds of the lido deck more often…you. Can get some great material..

  39. Sondra hammer says:

    I have to say that a cruise driector does make a big difference. I scan attest that I went on 13 cruises and there were few cruise directors that should not be cruise directors. I can also say the John Heald was the BEST Cruise director I have ever came across besides Big Tex. John is very personable, he listens and participates in activities and he makes you laugh and I can say first hand that I would love to go back on any cruise that John is the cruise director.
    Regards Sondra Hammer

  40. Gail Gerard says:

    Um…I hate to be a pain the butt, John..but didn’t you JUST tell me that Jen Baxter was going to be on the Triumph in June? Did you make a typo when typing out the CD schedule you posted today?

    Just curious!

    Thanks for all the laughs and sail on good buddy. Sail on.

  41. Cruzin2some says:

    Dear John,
    I am tired of the nay sayers who have to complain about every little thing that is wrong in their eyes when the real problem is with themselves. If everyone would quit complaining and just get on with their lives they might actually do some living. If you cant walk on water then you have made mistakes too, and you don’t have the right to complain. Forgive the person who did wrong to you and you will have a lot less stress in your life.
    Take a deep breath relax and have a great cruise!
    The Crtuzin2some James & Nancxy

  42. Aaron says:

    Where’s Triumph on the CD schedule?

  43. Phil Hale says:

    I will always consider myself honored to be your friend and supporter. In my opinion anyone who thinks the world should be PC is a thug and a goon. Freedom is just that, conformity is authoritarian crap. In my humble opinion 🙂

  44. Bryan Dial says:

    Hey John,
    I didn’t see Butch any where. I hope he is still with carnival?

  45. Eileene says:

    John, I’m so happy you’re NOT politically correct – never change!

  46. Mary Dagostino says:

    You are the best!!! Lots of people love dinos…we can relate to dinos…since we are also dinos!!!! Hugs and thanks for making me laugh every day. I am dealing with so much because of a work accident two years ago…lawyers, doctors and more so it’s nice to have something to laugh about every single day.

    Mary Dagostino

  47. Fern says:

    Dear, sweet, John, I want to tell you how much we enjoy both the blog and your FB page!

    We’ve sailed with Carnival many time’s and never had a “major” problem. Yes, there have been “hiccup’s”, but not enough to make us quit sailing Carnival :)!

    Your Arkansas friend,

  48. Robert Cuddy says:

    John. Where do I start? Latin music, smoking in the cabins, vegetarians in the steakhouse. What is wrong with people? You’re on a cruise! Can life get any better? Anyway, I hope dinosaurs like you and I are around for a long, long time. I’m on your side and will wear my underpants proudly!

  49. Stephanie Corrao says:

    What happened to Butch?

  50. Debbie Green says:

    Just keep on doing what you do so well. You have a strong and unique personality therefore people will either love you or hate you. I for one love you and look forward to your blogs and reading your Facebook page. Politically correct is way over rated.

  51. Dale Fraser says:

    I want Julie from the Love Boat as my CD. She was a bit slow but easy on the eye. She probably doesn’t do this anymore as she would have to be an age. I know I know it was only a TV show but we can all dream.

  52. Lisa says:

    Could you tell me if “Super Charge Matre’D Joseph” is still with Carnival and if so what ship?

  53. Tammy Montgomery says:

    I see that Jeff Bronson will be our CD on the Inspiration this summer. Could you possibly tell us more about him? I’m so looking forward to our first ever cruise. Thank you so much!

  54. Vince Gaudet says:

    Hey John,
    Just seen your CD schedule what happened to Butch on Breeze and Brittany on Liberty sorry to see that.

  55. Rod Griffus says:

    Keep up the great work. I love your straight forward responses and lack of political correctness. I enjoy your humor! I am hoping to join you on a cruise sometime. Can you be on the Valor for the 22nd of Feb. 2015? Please?

    Thank you,

  56. Tony Cucchia says:

    Hi John.
    I have been following your blog since meeting you and Calvyn on the Legend last April in Europe.
    I do so because you two MADE the cruise brilliant!! The humor, banter and carry-on between you guys was absolutely hilarious..with the morning show something my wife and I never missed!!
    I say this in reference to your comment about whether CD’s can help make a cruise – and this is why….

    In February this year, we went on a 14 night cruise out of Sydney with another(anchor-brand!)cruise company as part of a large travel group.
    To say the difference between what we experienced with Carnival (we have done 3 cruises with you so far) and them was cavernous is no exaggeration. With Carnival there was always something happening and something to do – with them we felt as though we were in a floating retirement village!!
    Little entertainment,closed bars and almost non-existent live music makes for a boring time!!
    I’m sure the CD was a nice man, but he was completely wooden..his humor forced and the interaction with the assistant CD clearly strained.
    So-the point is that the poor cruise experience could have been improved by a better CD … Even speaking with him directly was met with curt “I’m sorry, but there is nothing I can do” responses.

    And this is where you and people like Calvyn should be DAMM proud of what you do and how you do it..
    Please ignore the PC bull**** – its what sets you aside from the rest – and that’s why people like me and the 58K other bloggers follow your exploits!!
    Tony C

  57. Patrick Taylor says:

    The cruise director does make a difference, however my wife and I have been on 10 Carnival Cruises and their is only one Cruise Director and Deputy Cruise Director we can name – that is you and Calvin who we sailed with to Barcelona and its not because you write this blog! Your humor stands out head and shoulders above mediocre. The only time we ever have watched the morning show more than 1 time on a cruise was your show -it became must watch TV. We will be taking the Legend again to Sydney in August sorry you will not be joining us

  58. Merrie K Sodder says:

    John, I follow your blog with great enjoyment, I’m sorry for the vocal few who have been difficult for you. Politically correct seems to be a way of saying, I’m spoiled and want everything done my way. Always bear in mind that the majority of people enjoy their cruise vacations and have no complaints. I’m in the process of deciding my next cruise ship/destination for February 2015, which is the only time I can get away. I’ve had no complaints on any of my previous 6 cruises, even the one I took alone to the Southern Caribbean and wound up in quarantine due to illness. My first time meeting medical staff, and they couldn’t have been kinder or more efficient. I know complaints about you can affect your job as CD, hopefully the “gray beards” as you call them will look at the overwhelming positive response from passengers and realize you can’t please everyone every time. Some people look for excuses to complain!

  59. Nadine says:

    Wouldn’t have your blog any other way. That’s what makes it worth reading. The nature of your job will attract complainers and haters. Take it as input, fix what needs to be fixed, ignore what needs to be ignored.
    Thanks for keeping us up to date, addressing concerns and generally caring so much for us as passengers and customers.

  60. michelle bobo says:

    what about the triumph for september?

  61. Norm Cole says:

    John, just have to tip my hat to you, if I drank – I would raise a glass to you, but, cheers, mate. And, please do not change!

    My response to the person(s) railing against your non-pc, comedic approach would be to ask them if they have ever been in fact to a proper comedy show? Real comedy arises out of taking tasks, challenging the status quo, and dancing on that PC line. Otherwise, it is not comedy; it’s not funny.

    If they want PC, they should stick to cocktail parties with accountants, tax attorneys, and other similar, really “exciting” folks who think wearing brown shoes with a black belt is taking a risk, people who liked Paul better in Wings than his “other” band, people for whom the bow tie is their mission statement.

    The world is being ruined by this PC concept that no one has the right to offend us, that everyone is fabulous, and we all deserve trophies for…just…being. If the beards have any sense, which I assume they do, they will disregard such comments and allow you the freedom to continue being your awesome self!

    And, to the vegetarian, who complained about the offerings at the steak house. Really?! I lived the veg life for four years before the beckoning call of bacon once again became too much to resist. But, I learned to accept the fact that if my friends and I went to a place called a steak house…I might not find much to eat…which is why I tried to always steer the group to Indian restaurants…much for me to eat. Pick a restrictive lifestyle…expect diminished choices…

    And, to the people complaining about cancelled ports due to bad weather. Again…really!? Would they prefer the ship try to get in and risk serious damage or injury or worse? I was once in Cozumel on my ship during horrid weather…we really should have taken a pass on trying to get in…but we made it. Another ship tried to also make it in and they ended up broadsiding the pier, causing damage to the starboard side of the ship, canceling the remainder of the cruise. The complainers want to rise that?

    Ya know, John, on second thought, maybe you are more PC than we think, because your replies to these folks are gracious and kind…where I would want bring back walking the plank.

    Cheers to you and never change!

  62. Ryan Parker says:

    Lori Berenger has a great point……Smokers do have rights….they have the right to fill their lungs with tar, get throat and lung cancer etc…. However non-smokers have rights too…we have the right to stay in a room that is smoke free and many smokers don’t realize or don’t care that if you smoke in a room that the smell imbeds itself in EVERYTHING. The drapes and curtains, the carpet, the sheets the fabric in the couch and chairs and I am sorry but washing it does not remove the smell!!!!! I am very sensitive to smoke and can tell as soon as I walk into a place if anyone has smoked in there. I hope Carnival NEVER goes back to allowing smoking in the rooms again.

  63. chadman says:

    John you just keep on being who you are I can not speak for others, but i would bet the majority would want you to stay just the way you are.

    Your friend

  64. Pete Heggie says:

    We are currently on the Freedom, disembarking tommorrow after 8 glorius days, I can’t begin to tell you how wonderful this cruise and its director Skip has been. The shows on this cruise are like no others we have seen on Carnival. The new piano show is fabulous i hope this will be added to the other ships in the fleet. We sailed with you previously on the Splendor, and almost booked the Alaskan cruise instead of this one. We truly enjoy your blog, and look forward to being on another cruise with you in the near future.
    Peter Heggie

  65. Lawrence Nalewak says:

    did not see a CD schedule for the Triumph—saw Jen Baxter on the Ecstasy??? is this correct. Heard she would be bringing the Freedom back to Galveston, but did not know whe would be going to the Ecstasy prior to that

  66. Robert says:

    to Lori B
    if its too hard to call for room service for coffee then you should just go without.
    as far a its to far to walk to the lido to smoke (probably because your out of breath) then maybe you should think about quiting. just my opinion happy cruising .

  67. Robert says:

    I think there is way to much political correctness. what happened to freedom of speech. if you say something and someone gets offended they can get over it. I understand certain things not being said like excess foul language but that is it. I like your blog VERY much and I read it every day you do not offend me at all there is too many whiners. they just need to call the waaaambulance. have a great day .

  68. robert says:

    Melanie O
    what did you expect to find in a STEAK house.
    you ain`t in joysey your on a cruise ship. and those are regular chain restaurants there. Not a specialty restaurant on a Cruise ship. of course they only sell Steak. it is clearly advertised as a STEAK only restaurant. so why would a person that does NOT eat meat even go to a STEAK house. oh maybe just for the side dishes.

  69. Terrie Reuvers says:

    Don’t worry about being PC. It is all about how you offend! Just watched a roast for Don Rickles, the master of offensive! He makes fun of everyone. He does not discriminate who he makes fun of and everyone laughs! I personally enjoy your humor and know you are being funny, not hurtful.

  70. mark knight says:

    Hi John, just wanted to say how much my wife and I love CARNIVAL! However I have a suggestion that I think a lot of your followers would enjoy… to judge those amazing photos from Alaska!!!!! No prize needed for us but give the talented Mr.Radu time off…lol.. thanks and hope to hear from you about this idea

  71. Wedrel says:

    Is it possible to order Indian since it’s not on the new menu? I will be sailing 08/22/14 on Liberty.
    Thanks in advance Wedrel

  72. Ray Hanold says:

    John, just disregard the naysayers…you made our 20 May cruise terrific. Dick Little was just an added bonus. I do not see you as a CD after 18 Sep??

  73. Janet Flint says:

    Hi, John,

    Where will you be in November?


  74. Mike says:

    Very happy to read that you will be our cruise director on our July 22 Miracle cruise to Alaska. We are looking forward to the Alaskan sights and adventure.

  75. Tory says:

    Hello John just wanted to say a big hello to my carnival family and miss you all but I am doing well , getting married in sept. This year , and have opened my own salon just thought I would keep you updated . Woo hoo xxxx never forgotten xxx

  76. Tirun says:

    Great article, On a list of things you must-do-in-a-lifetime, we recommend you add a cruise to Alaska. In this Land of the Midnight Sun, you will discover the grandeur of wildlife and nature like nowhere else on earth!

  77. kim says:

    Who will the cd for the Triumph in Oct.14

  78. Michelle Skirvin says:

    Hi john! Just curious if there is any idea to find out who my cruise director will be on my November 15 sailing on the elation

  79. Regina says:

    Hi, John I heard that if you want to buy a liquor card to wait until the second day. It is suppose to be about a hundred dollars cheaper. Sail many times before and that never happened. Always paid full price. Thank you.

  80. Quanda Ellis says:

    I went on Glory hoping Matt Mitchum was the CD but found out Matt went to the Breeze and Everson was Cd for Glory. Dr E is great. I had him and Matt 2 years ago and they were and awesome team next year I’m waiting to see where Matt will be and where Dr E be. I usually cruise in June but start paying on it in August. Keep posting the schedule.

  81. Lance Luther says:

    A little late to this post but just wanted to say that Josh Waitzman is the best CD we have ever had (never experienced you John). On the Pride now and Josh’s enthusiasm adds so much to the cruise experience. I will be disappointed if he is not on my next cruise.

  82. Susie Sardo says:

    Just off Carnival Legend this morning. Aside from having one of the best cruises our family has ever taken, we really enjoyed Adam Cornes as cruise director. I don’t see his name listed above. We ran into him several times during the week. He was always friendly and helpful. I really don’t know when the guy slept!!

    The Sardo Family 🙂

  83. Deanna says:

    Being a platinum member and a smoker, we have always had a balcony room because of us being smokers. We have never smoked in the rooms. We are scheduled for a Hawaiian cruise on Oct. 18, 2014 and now as of Oct.9th, we can no longer smoke on our balcony. I am no Einstein, but it appears t me the solution to this problem is to make all the aft balcony rooms smoking. The ship is moving forward and the smoke would bother no one. It has always been so enjoyable to have our coffee and danish and our cigarettes out on the balcony in our pj’s and watch the ocean go by. The way you are crowding all the smokers in one area, especially the casino, makes that area, indeed, stink. You will now probably see a bunch of old people (me included) in the casino with my bathrobe, fuzzy slippers, and rollers in my hair in the mornings. Like I said, put us in the balcony cabins at the back of the ship. A no brainer for the beards.

  84. Carrie Kirby says:

    John, why isn’t the Magic listed on the CD list?

  85. Tesa says:

    It absolutely does make a difference who the cruise director is on the ship. Cruise Directors should be outgoing, enjoy being around people and helping them to have a great time. You know you have a good cruise director when you can remember them after your cruise. Shout out to Everson Bevelle

  86. Who was the Magic’s CD on August 24-31, 2014? I don’t think it was James Dunn. Looks like some CDs change faster than some people change their underw#$r (but hope not).

  87. Nelda Caldwell says:

    Reading your posts and comments is always amazing to me. why would Melanie Ottinger, a vegaterian, go to a steakhouse and expect the menu to cater to her? Really? I’m counting the days to my ninth cruise, second cruise on the Sunshine and there is nothing I can complain about. I’ve missed ports, I’ve suffered from the virus, I’ve bought jewerly that I’ve had to have replaced. My cabin has been too close to a night club and I’ve been irritated by chair hogs. But you know what? I went home with memories that that nothing or no one could spoil. Thank you, Carnival. And thank you John..Oh and I’m still waiting on my special surprise that you were sending to my cabin a couple cruises ago. You next chance is April 18, 2015. 🙂

Copyright 2017 John Heald. All Rights Reserved