John Is A Sexist Pig……….. Part 2

August 19, 2014 -

John Heald

For those who stumbled across my blog by accident while surfing Uncle Google for “I Love Big Fat British Guys Who Blog in a Pair of XXXL Underpants”………..I had better explain the title of today’s musings.

The blog title of “John Is a Sexist Pig” refers to a lady who called me this because I moved my head six inches to the right when a stunningly jaw-droopingly gorgeous Amazonian lady walked past me during the Captain’s Celebration. Another lady, who I shall refer to simply as Ms. X, saw me glance at this lady and hopped of her bar stool to tell me how unprofessional and what a disgusting human being I was. This went on all cruise and, by the time it was over, I am sure if Ms. X had been given the chance she would have gladly cut off my gentleman’s sausage, put it in a shot glass and taken it home her with her to display to her friends at their weekly “Men Are Bastards” meeting.

To be honest what with green graduation caps, fog horns, smoking, scooters, national anthems and the silly life of being a cruise director/brand ambassador, I had sort of forgotten about my label as a Sexist Pig until two days ago when I got an e-mail from a senior beard. Attached to this was a letter Ms. X had written to Carnival that basically fabricated to the nth degree what I had done. Honestly, I had turned my head six inches and maybe, just maybe, I had smiled, that was all. But in her letter, Ms. X basically suggested that I made “lurid facial expressions” and laughingly said that I “licked my lips in a sexual way.”  Oh FFS!

More on her letter to Carnival at the end of today’s blog because she was not content with just me being sexist……………oh, no, she had much more to say.

Let’s take a break and answer some more questions. Off we go.

Nick Webster asks:
John: On my last two cruises (Carnival Magic – Dec 15, Carnival Conquest – July 6) there has not been a volleyball competition! I am a competitive volleyball player, and I played at the collegiate level when I was in college. This has always been one of my most favorite things about cruising. I enjoy meeting others who play volleyball and winning a gold medal!  I have booked another cruise for November 16 on Carnival Magic, and I was wondering if there was any way that you could put in a request for a volleyball tournament/competition.  It would be greatly appreciated! Thanks.


John says:
Hello Nick Webster

Congratulations on all your success, it sounds like you are a superb player. Normally we do not have tournaments but like to keep it fun with groups playing as they wish. But I see nothing wrong with asking the ship to organise a tournament when you sail. Please would you remind me two days before you sail with your cabin number on my page and I will see what we can do. Have a brilliant time. Best wishes.


Bob Evans asks:
All this crap you are writing about cruise directors. What’s a cruise director to me? That annoying voice in the air about $10 watches and beauty seaweed wraps? You ALL recite the same script – if you cruise different ships, you will hear the same exact announcements, just with different accents and phrasing. After a few cruises, one can anticipate what they will say, and how they will try to get you to the next “can’t miss” hoodah. It’s all an approved selling schpiel, that’s all folks! Go on other cruise lines, and most have their CD’s working in the background, without the annoying announcements every two hours. In fact, on some lines, you may hear just one announcement daily, and it isn’t about getting to that oh so important, if you miss this your cruise is ruined, inch of gold sale. You all suck. Learn from NCL and Royal.

John says:
Hello Bob Evans

Thanks for taking the time to express your opinions here. I admit that part of the cruise directors’ job is to let our guests know about what’s going on during the cruise and that does include shopping to a certain degree. Using the public address system is not easy and there are some who are better at this than others, for sure. But there is far more to what the cruise directors do then telling guests about what is happening and, for many, a great cruise director can make a great cruise even better. I realise you are not one of those and so I hope you enjoy all the other aspects of Carnival cruising and that one day I get a chance to shake your hand and entertain you on one of our ships. Best wishes.


Anne Camden asks:
Hi John: I just became aware that early in July, Carnival started serving Cigar City Brewing beers on some cruises out of Florida. I hope this new addition to the beer menu is well received and that the beards will consider doing something similar for cruises departing out of Galveston. I understand that there are several points to take into consideration when taking on a new supplier, not the least of which is can they produce enough of their outstanding products to sate thirsty cruisers (I would hate for a Carnival bartender to get yelled at because they ran out of Karbach’s excellent Love Street Summer Seasonal Kolsch-style Ale).  But Texas is blessed with more than a few excellent craft breweries (St. Arnolds, Real Ale, Karbach) that I think might be able to meet the demand.   If this is the case, then maybe you can use a couple of your FB quick-fire questions to ask: Would you like to see more “craft” beer options (yes or no)? If you regularly cruise out of Galveston, please reply with ONE suggested craft brewery whose beer you’d like to see on board (first response only will be counted). For the record there are also several Texas wineries (Bending Branch, Becker, Grape Creek) and even distilleries (Garrison Brothers, Titos, Balcones) that might also be considered as “suppliers.” Thanks for your consideration!



John says:
Hello Anne Camden

Yes indeed, these beers have been an instant hit on the ships that are now serving them and our Vice President of Beverage Operations Eddie Allen is very proactive and I am sure he will appreciate this suggestion when I send it to him. We have come a long way with the beverage selection we serve across the fleet and have been introducing craft beers in certain markets like Abita in New Orleans and Alaska Ale on our Alaska sailings. Let’s see what happens next. I will, of course, keep you informed. Best wishes.


Frank and Justine Carey ask:
DH and I are considering the Carnival Triumph and Panama Canal cruise. We are both VIP platinum card holders. When the ship goes through the Canal is there a reserved viewing area for VIPs like me and DH. We are nearly at diamond. Just sayin’.

John says:
Hello Frank and Justine Carey

Thanks so very much for your loyalty and I hope you get to book this brilliant voyage. I am afraid we don’t have a viewing section just for diamond and platinum VIFPs but I am sure you will be able to find a place on the ship to view this amazing transit. Please let me know if you have any questions and I hope you do get to enjoy this brilliant voyage. Best wishes.


Steve Krafthefer asks:
Hello John! My wife and I are Platinum guests and love cruising with Carnival. The drawback we have is that to do this, we must fly from Portland, Oregon, to either Miami or Ft.

Lauderdale. The excitement of flying, for me, is LONG gone. It’s the worst part of a cruise vacation. Ah, I hear you saying it now….”Why not try a Mexican cruise?” Well, we did. And brought a number of friends with us. We stopped in Acapulco, Zheuwanteneno (sp), Mazatlan

and Puerto Vallarta (I think). Anyway, because of all the trouble in Mexico, the only stops now seem to be Puerto Vallarta and Cabo San Lucas. I love both, but that’s not enough to get me on a Mexican cruise. Enough blah, blah, blah on my part. Question: Is there any discussion higher up in the Carnival food chain of re-adding more ports soon or is it still considered unsafe?  This won’t stop us from coming back to Florida for a great cruise, just not nearly as often. Since we’re now simply at the mercy of the airlines to offer fares we can afford. As always, John, thank you and your staff for all your hard work in making our cruise so great!

John says:
Hello Steve Krafthefer

I appreciate those kind words very much and appreciate your loyalty, too, especially with the distances you have to fly. I hate flying too so I know exactly what you mean. We did just announce that the ship I am writing to you from, the Carnival Miracle, is returning to Long Beach next spring after her upgrades to sail on a weekly basis to Cabo, Puerto Vallarta and Mazatlán, a port we have missed going to, for sure. I hope we do see you soon and if there is anything I can do for you, please do let me know. Best wishes.


Ruth Gould asks:
Hello John: We will be sailing the week of my son’s 15th birthday. I am wondering if the teen club allows birthday celebrations. I think he would enjoy a celebration with his peers more than a cake delivered to our table during dinner. Please let me know if I might be allowed to surprise him.

John says:
Hello Ruth Gould

Thank you for sailing with us during this special time. We don’t have birthday parties in Club O2, I am afraid, so it would be better to think about arranging a cake at dinner, have the waiters sing happy birthday, etc. Please let me know if I can help any other way and I will be here for you. I wish you all a brilliant time. Best wishes.


Eddie Kirkpatrick Jr asks:
Thanks to you, John, my entire family now calls me farmer Eddie after my Old MacDonald Had a Farm singing at your marriage show on the Carnival Miracle. What a blast we had with you and all the hype we had read was right on because you are the funniest person we have ever seen. John, please would you tell Suki, our waiter, that we miss him. He was perfect in every way and me, my wife and both sets of parents all agree that Suki deserves a raise, so please let him and the people in charge know this. We all had such fun and what a way to start our married lives together. Thank you, John, Suki and all the crew people on Miracle

Farmer Freddie LOL

John says:
Hello Eddie Kirkpatrick Jr

I remember your performance well and as I said on stage, that will forever be your love song, your special song. It was so much fun to share the stage with you and I will also make sure that Suki and his managers get to see your kind words about him. I wish you and your wife oth a brilliant and happy life together and hope to see you all soon. Best wishes to all.


Kristy Klaus asks:
We recently cruised on Carnival Sunshine. Besides some hiccups in the dining room, it was a great cruise. We were surprised to find our cabins did not have refrigerators. Is Carnival planning to remove the fridges from other ships’ cabins and/or eliminate them on the new ships?

John says:
Hello Kristy Klaus

I hope you had a great time and I am sorry to read you had some challenges in the dining room, I do hope they were quickly resolved. The refrigerators were not added during Carnival Sunshine’s conversation from Carnival Destiny and are only available on the new cabins that were added to the ship. We are not removing any and many of the ships have mini-bars in all the cabins. Let me know if you have any more questions or if you need anything. Best wishes.


Samuel Cerezo asks:
I bought a Bella Perina bracelet from the shop on the Carnival Elation and the clasp broke. I called my travel agent who told me to write on this page to get you to fix it. How do I get you to do this and where do I send you the bracelet? Here is the photo. Maybe best you send me a new one but make sure it is the same as the photo is. Get back to me at __________

John says:
Hello Samuel Cerezo

Thanks for writing to me and I am sorry to learn that your bracelet is broken. I am not able to fix this myself but please do not worry. Here is the address;

Starboard Cruise Services, Inc.
Attn:  Customer Service Dept.
9290 NW 112 Avenue, Suite 1
Miami, Fl. 33178

Customer Service Center hours of operation:  Monday – Friday 9 am – 12 pm/1 pm – 4 pm
Toll Free Phone: 1-800-540-4785 or Outside U.S. Non-Toll Free: 1-305-728-4520

Please let me know if I can help further.
Best wishes

Kathryn Chase asks:
Twenty-one percent of Americans have celiac disease but on my last cruise, Carnival seemed oblivious to that fact. Your choices were sparse. I am on my eighth Carnival trip on the Carnival Magic July 10 so I need to ask you for something important. I would like the chef to make me these recipes for dinner meals. I am a paying customer one I feel I have the right to ask for. Celiac disease is a disease — not a lifestyle choice like obesity, John. Americans are learning the dangers of excess food processing, excess sugar and refined carbohydrates, and we’re trying to find a way to get back to healthy eating. Please let the chef have these recipes so I can eat well!

John says:
Hello Kathryn Chase

I did not realise so many people were suffering from this and, certainly, we realise that many do and have really stepped up our selections and offerings. While I won’t be able to ask the chef to cook the four recipes you attached to this post, I will tell you that I think you will find a great selection and, most importantly, if there is something that you would like, please do ask your waiter and he or she will chat with the chef and help you all they can. Given that there are upwards of 4,000 other people on board, we cannot, of course, start accepting individual recipe requests from guests, I am sure you understand. I wish you a wonderful cruise and let me know if you have any other questions or requests. Best wishes.


And on that gluten-free note, we end today’s Q&A.

OK, time to meet another bright young cruise director talent and his name is Kevin Donahue, here he is.

Kevin Donohue

What’s your name and where are you from? Kevin Donohue from Long Island, New York

Tell us about your work experience and your journey with Carnival Cruise Lines so far?
I’ve enjoyed a career at sea for five years. I found my home with Carnival Cruise Lines in 2013 and it has been the most rewarding decision I have ever made.  I started in the entertainment department and my journey has taken me to the cruise director you see now.  Over the past one and a half years, I definitely feel like I am home and I love my new Carnival family.

How do you feel you, as cruise director, can influence the guest experience in a positive way? I think just making guests smile and taking the time to get to know them is the most positive thing anyone can do. I want every guest to step on a ship and feel as though they are being welcomed into our home, not our place of employment. Just doing little things like that can make a guest’s experience 100 times more memorable.

What’s your favourite part of your job? I meet people from all over the world.  I would’ve never had the chance to experience all the different cultures out there living in my little bubble on Long Island. I love my life at sea.

What do you find the biggest challenge? If I am being honest, my announcements over the PA.  You put me on the stage with 2,000+ guests in front of me and I am going to have the time of my life. However, the second I hear that “bing bong” and have to start talking over the PA it’s almost like I am in kindergarten all over again.  It’s quite funny because I make a joke out of it and make everyone laugh, including me

If there is one event, show or activity that you host that our guests must not miss, what is it? Hands down — THE CARNIVAL QUEST.  I love that it gives all the adults a chance to let loose.

Please share with us your favourite story from your time on our ships? I had the pleasure of working a K-LOVE charter.  I wasn’t really familiar with any of the music beforehand. After the first show of the cruise, I was hooked and could not get enough of all the different artists performing. That cruise could’ve gone on for weeks and I would’ve never gotten tired of it.

And now – about you

Favourite Movie? Pretty Woman – only because I’m a momma’s boy and it’s the movie we will watch together every time it is on no matter what.

Favourite bar or lounge on one of our ships? I love watching our production cast work their magic on the main stage. So I would have to say the main show lounge.

How do you relax? I love to curl up in a nice big blanket and watch some Big Bang Theory

And if you could meet any famous person in the world, who would it be? Ellen DeGeneres all the way.  I don’t think I would be able to stop laughing

Thanks mate. Kevin is a newcomer to Carnival but this New York lad is making a big splash judging by the comments I am hearing so start spreading the news, Kevin is here and ready to give you loads of fun

OK, back to Ms. X. In her four-page letter, of which three pages suggested various reasons I should be tarred and feathered before being sent to a Turkish prison, the other page was basically saying that Carnival were a sexist company because, “We have no female captains” and that she did not see any female officers on the Carnival Miracle and therefore “Carnival is a sexist company.”

Well, much has changed at Carnival in my 27 years at sea and there are now many more women in positions of authority than when I started by in 1987 that’s for sure.  Granted there are no female captains but we have female hotel directors, bridge officers, housekeeping managers, maitre d’s, bar managers, a chief security officer, and guest services managers, just to name a few.

Now, off the ships over at Carnival HQ there are many women in leadership positions, as well. The sales department is run by a highly experienced sales professional, Executive Vice President Lynn Torrent. Then you have assorted vice presidents including those in charge of guest care, public relations and other important areas. And one of our top executives is a man Monday to Friday but on weekends, he puts on a dress and make up and calls himself Lilly……so that counts as well, doesn’t it?

I know many of the other cruise lines have top female executives. And this is good news because women have and continue to contribute much to the industry we all love. Plus it doesn’t hurt that one or two are really hot! ……… sorry ….. that was sexist.  I understand that another cruise line does have a female captain and that’s great to hear and I wonder if she will break the obvious male-dominated role and we will see more captains in skirts. Maybe one day we will have a female captain here at Carnival… maybe on the M/S Carnival Vista. It may take her a while longer to dock the ship, the bridge may have some scented candles on it and definitely once a month the boson is going to have to paint a “P” in front of MS.

That wasn’t sexist……………was it?

Your friend

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44 Responses to John Is A Sexist Pig……….. Part 2

  1. Bob says:

    PLEASE post the email from Ms. X. I think we all would enjoy a good laugh.

  2. Cynthia Ravenscraft says:

    OH John, if I had a dollar for every time I saw a man (including my own husband) look at another woman, say something sexist or heard a woman complain about how few women there are in certain jobs I would be able to live on a Carnival ship 365 days a year.

    I once worked for a company that allowed several family members to also work there (something that does not happen often these days) and the wife had just come back from maternity leave. She was trying to have a sales manager fired because he said “you look really good from just having a baby” (okay maybe not the best compliment but she honestly did not looked like she just had a baby). She was so mad she made it very clear that she was going to get him fired for sexual harassment.

    I told her “if you try to have him fired then I will go to HR to have your husband fired for sexual harassment too”. For what she asked? Well I responded “today your husband told me my hair looked really nice and told another lady her perfume smelled nice”

    Sales Rep not fired. Feminist put in her place.

    You were just being a man. Women need to get over themselves sometimes.

    I think she was just jealous that you didn’t take a second look at her.

  3. nick palermo says:

    Really? 21% have celiac. Where do you people get your “facts” from. Everybody has some disease or allergy, deal with it. Every time the media comes up with some new ” disease” they expect everyone to cater to them. Then she has throw in a comment about being overweight the last thing you can be in this country and still be made fun of. Get a clue.

  4. Lucretia Robertson says:

    Cruising on the Victory Sept. 1, 2014. This will be our 1st time on this particular ship. Looking forward to a relaxing fun vacation.
    I will miss reading your blog and catching up on all of the Facebook comments however I know I will have a blast. Thanks John or all that you do….

  5. Lana carr says:

    John, you crack me up. You just can’t help it can you? Now you can add that all of transexuals hate you too. Keep up the great work you do. I am counting the days until my Carnival Reoositioning cruise in February.

  6. Ruby Stine says:

    John, I read the comment from the lady talking about a gluten free menu, my son requires a gluten free diet and he has no problem getting food on the ship, other then bread in the dining room, he says it’s terrible, but other then that no problems at all, even gluten free pizza.

  7. Ken says:

    John, according to the Celiac Disease Foundation, 1% of people have celiac disease.

  8. sharon hewitt says:

    John, I read your blogs because they afford me some time to learn about the cruise line,the on board activities, and the wonderful staff and crew. Most of all I enjoy reading them because of your unique approach to people and life in general. Thank you for always providing entertainment, education, and many laughs…Sexist Pig part 2 was brilliant!

  9. rudechuck says:

    To set the record straight:

    Directly from the National Foundation for Celiac Awareness website: “An estimated 1 in 133 Americans, or about 1% of the population, has celiac disease.”

  10. Marian Eure says:

    On the gluten free post. That lady is incorrect. Only 1% of the US population suffers from celiac disease and they do need to eat a gluten free diet. Gluten-free is a fad for the rest of the population – this too shall pass.

    • Marian Eure says:

      Forgot to mention – I am allergic to tree nuts and shellfish(have had allergy testing by a doctor not self-diagnosed) I just stay away from those foods and if in doubt order something else.

    • Roseanne Jung says:

      You don’t have to be Celiac to have adverse effects from gluten. There are plenty of people whose health improved going gluten free, myself included. Unfortunately, it does appear to be a fad these days but the up aside of this is the production of superior gluten free breads and baked products that taste very good – a far cry from the old dry cardboard days. I drool at all the delicious baked goods served on cruises, miss them terribly…and don’t even get me started on going to Paris and Italy and inhaling the aroma of breads and pastries, but not a bite.

  11. Martha says:

    “Celiac disease is an autoimmune digestive disease that damages the villi of the small intestine and interferes with absorption of nutrients from food. An estimated 1 in 133 Americans, or about 1% of the population, has celiac disease.” From the National Foundation for Celiac Awareness website. Never try inflating numbers that can be easily verifiable..

  12. Fred says:

    No where near 21% of Americans have cealiac disease. It does effect 3 million Anericans, but that is less that 1%. Many more do claim gluten intolerance, but without a bowel biopsy, all their evidence is the placebo effect. And even that number is likely way below 21%.

    And what’s with all the platinums demanding so much? I wonder if next week they will be demanding their stateroom steward wipe their rear ends for them.

  13. Bruce says:

    Oh to be so lucky flying only from the west coast to the east coast to join a cruise. Try flying from Brisbane Australia to Fort Lauderdale. You need at least a 14 day cruise to get over it. Then you have the wonderful pleasure of the return flight of the same 20 hour duration. It was even worse flying to join the Carnival Magic in 2011 in Barcelona Spain, at least 24 hours each way. It was worth it though, John Heald was the Cruise Director and the ship was only 3 weeks old.

  14. I’m sorry to hear that Carnival had to waste valuable time reading junk from a very sick and crazy woman who couldn’t find any good thing about her cruise. How sorry to see that that lady has no enjoyment in her life. I feel so very sorry for a woman like her.
    As far as looking at a beautiful woman John, if you hadn’t looked at her I would have thought that you were different then a regular man like me. Continue being a man my friend and I bet that stunningly jaw-droopingly gorgeous Amazonian lady is smiling and happy that someone looked at her because she probably got dolled up for that reason, that someone would look at her. I know, I would have if I had been there.

    Paul F. Pietrangelo

  15. Ron Strzykalski says:

    John. You are too funny. Carnival use to have one of the hottest and sexiest VP’s I’ve seen! Vickie Freed! Unfortunately her beauty now graces the halls of RCL now.

  16. John:
    The Celiac person really irritated me. I do have Celiac disease. Officially diagnosed with biopsies and blood tests and not that I “think” I have it.

    The actual percentage of Americans that have the disease is actually 1%. Not the RIDICULOUS 21% that was quoted. What irritates me (and that’s putting it mildly) are the people who go gluten free because they think they are “allergic”. There is no such thing as a gluten allergy. Sensitivity yes, allergy no. It are these people who make a big to do about being gluten free and have the waiters on cruise ships and restaurants run back and forth to the galley/kitchen to make sure that absolutely no gluten has come near their food. The sad part is that at the end of the meal they have to order the Red Velvet Cake, Chocolate Brownie Delight or other gluten filled food as their “treat” for going without gluten. I have witnessed this four times in the last four years and each time I have walked over to the person and said: “Get off my side.” You are making it impossible for true Celiac people to be taken seriously. While you may have no effect from your Red Velvet Cake or may get a little gassy, those of us with Celiac can have such a strong reaction that we are sick for days or even require a trip to the ER.

    I have been on five Carnival cruises since being diagnosed with Celiac and I have to say that on EVERY ONE the staff did a phenomenal job of making sure I was served gluten free meals and even went as far as to prepare some entrees and desserts gluten free in order to accommodate me. Yes, the gluten free bread sucks but all of the other things are delicious. Tell the uniformed “Celiac?” that her percentages are about 20 times too high and that you will accommodate her needs like every other Celiac cruiser you have. And that accommodation is very good.

    I had to get that off my chest because it is people like that who cause waiters and waitresses to roll their eyes in restaurants, provide inaccurate information and screw things up for those who truly have a serious condition.

    Thank you,
    Mike Mastellar

  17. Marylou Hansen says:

    Steve Krafthefer ~ I agree with you and feel your pain 🙁 but I’ll double it since I live in Bend Oregon and have to fly out of Redmond (regional airport) so have the added expense and TIME! I too luv cruising out of Miami, San Juan and/or Galveston because of the incredibly fun Caribbean itineraries. I’ve cruised the Mexican Riviera SO many times I rarely leave the ship when it is in Cabo or PV.. I read about 2-3 wks ago that CCL was returning to Mazatlan after several years ~ YEAH!! keep on cruisin!!

  18. Norma Bays says:

    Some people are just so weird. I think it’s very good (and healthy) that you have a blog and facebook page and can “let off steam” about some of the incredibly awful, hurtful people you deal with. Writing a journal/blog is supposed to be a very emotionally healthy thing to do. I always enjoy whatever you write. You’re our favourite cruise director.

  19. Joan says:

    Just want to correct the person who wrote in to say that 21 per cent of Americans have celiac disease. According to the National Foundation for Celiac Awarenss (and a few other sources) it’s ONE per cent.

  20. Daniel West says:

    John, when people want to make outrageous claims about medical conditions, such as the prevalence of celiac disease, they should do a quick google search to get their facts straight. According to the National Digestive Diseases Information Clearinghouse, 1 in 133 Americans have Celiac Disease, hardly the 21% your complainer would have you believe.

  21. Carol Hoefs says:

    Hi John, I read the note from Katherine Chase and how she deals with celiac disease. I deal with a chronic intestinal disorder myself and have a list of foods I am unable to eat. I have discovered in cruising with Carnival that they are extremely helpful with accommodating and working with me to make sure I have enjoyable meals on my cruises. I make sure I bring a list(several copies, in fact) with me on each cruise of what foods I am not able to eat. On Embarkation Day I go to the dining room and talk with the hostess and let them know about my situation. I leave the hostess a copy of the list and she also takes one for the chef. They work with me with me for each dinner providing me with food that stays within what I can eat. In fact, on a couple occasions the chefs have actually made me special desserts since those on the ship’s menu I cannot eat.
    I do know that when it comes to people who are gluten-free the food is prepared in a different area of the galley than the rest of the food so there is no chance of getting food mixed in that should not be. One of our hostesses explained this to me on one of the cruises. Carnival has been super about my eating situation. Plus, I also bring some of my own snacks onboard. Also, I am so glad Carnival is now having gluten-free pizza dough in the pizzeria. I truly pleased with how Carnival works with me and my health issue.

  22. Robert Ulrich says:

    John, just an FYI about celiac disease. It is estimated that 1 in 133 Americans suffer from this disease,so it is really less than 1% not 21% who are affected. I thought you would like the true information.

  23. John Steers says:

    I Have to disagree with poster Kathryn Chase. Only 1% of the population suffers from celiac disease.

  24. Dom Cangelosi says:


    My hat’s off to you. How do you remain so calm when these crazies think that their life’s work is criticizing you and Carnival? Why do these people even bother to go on cruises if all they want to do is complain? It would be much cheaper to stay home and kick their dog or something. Frances and I LOVE Carnival and are planning our next trip soon. Keep up the good work and, if you know Latin; illigitimi non carborundum.



  25. Jenny says:

    JOhn, Thanks for the great blog. Just to show you that your celiacs desease woman from Tuesday’s blog is full of crap. Less than 1% of the US population has Celiacs disease per their own information. 21% is a stat about testing. I appreciate that these people have a rough time finding foods to eat but if they avoid carbs they should be fine. THanks!

  26. Lea Hawkins says:

    I just wanted to make a comment on the women who ask for more options for those with Celiac Disease. My partner was diagnosed with this disease 5 years ago. When we went on our first cruise after her diagnosis the hostess in the restaurant came to our table to discuss her menu options. We were able to pre-order her food for the next day. This was available for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. They were able to accommodate her. They even did a gluten free chocolate melting cake (her favorite) every evening. I think Carnival is doing great in dealing with Celiac Disease. You just have to ask and work with them.

  27. Bob Elliott says:

    Don’t know what it is with that Bob Evans guy but he obviously has not had a cruise with John Heald. John really makes the cruise great.

  28. Cruzin2some says:

    Dear Sexist Pig and Bloggers,
    All men by definition are sexist pigs. Even the gay ones because they refer to those of us that prefer women as breaders. Sexist! To look at a beautiful woman and not have a reaction means call 911 cause I am dead! The real reason that she was so upset was you looked at her and did not have a reaction. Call the pound there is a loose one on the ship running around. Sexist sorry! As long as you didn’t drool down her chest you were just being a man and not a pervert. Keep smiling my friend there are a lot of us Sexist Pigs that need a good laugh and you do that so well.
    James & Nancy
    The Cruzin2some

  29. jim guy says:


    Did Mrs. X also tell the Beards that all others in the reception line turned their heads more than yours and that their jaws dropped. I’ve seen this happen at time on other ships–including the Captains. John, some women do it, and know; and some do it, and haven’t got a clue.

    By the way, my next cruise is Dec. 21 on the Valor.

    jim Guy

  30. Your so funny John…..good bloggy woggy, Mate.

  31. Vickie Hickman says:

    Love Kevin. Cruised with him on the victory last year. His whole team was the best and most fun I’ve ever had on a ship. Hope to see him again soon.

  32. Tracey Humphries says:

    Met Kevin on the Sensation a week ago, very nice and full of energy, keep up the good work Kevin.

  33. Marty says:

    A sexist comment only if Miss ‘X’ is revealed to be one of your Latvian pole polishers.

  34. dave j says:

    Absolutely brilliant, the end of your Blog that is! Once again your exceptional sense of humour(spelt correctly), has made me smile. Grew up on Benny Hill, Monty Python and Fawlty Towers. You sir are absolutely “spot on” once again. You are a true gem. You take hostility and turn it around! We need more people like you!

  35. Kristen says:

    I just wanted to get on here and attest to how amazing Kevin Donahue is! I had the pleasure of having him as a part of the entertainment staff while I took a cruise in 2013 on board the Carnival Pride. His name tag at the time read “Sassy”. You could tell from the start that he really loved his job and loved making people feel welcome. He definietly enhanced the entire trip with his outgoing character. Hopefully I will get the chance to have him be the cruise director of another future cruise. Really enjoyable!!!!

  36. Maria Murry says:

    I’ve worked in the psych field for over 35 years. You need to read up on Borderline Personality Disorder. We often refer to them as Drama Queens or Kings. Most are never happy and can find something negative about anything. I had one guy go all the way up to the CEO of the hospital ready to sue the company because the crayons I had were worn down and no longer had a nice points. You have great skill in dealing with such difficult individuals.

  37. Dale Fowler says:

    John your still the BEST don’t let Mrs. X get you

  38. richard albert says:

    We are docked in skagway as i write this and i just wanted to say this has been a great cruise. our cabin steward siswadi…excellent…in the dining room…beata…joel…and marlena have been superb… we have not met , but you were kind enough to send a bottle of champange to our niece who was engaged on board. thank you so much.

  39. Debra Kirby says:

    Stop being sexist, John, and offer me the position of secret cruise ambassador. We both know I will be an asset to Carnival. Email me so we can work out the details. Wink, wink…oops, was that sexist?

  40. Emily Inzerillo-Magaw says:

    Not sure where Kathryn Chase got her info on Celiac Disease but according to this website: only 1% of the population has celiac disease, not 21%. Now it says that between 5-22% of people with a relative who has celiac disease will develop it in their lifetime but that’s if they have a relative, not just a general person. Carnival serves thousands of people a day and can only cater to so many people. If you can’t accept it, maybe don’t cruise.

  41. Tom Coombs says:

    Celiac Disease? not 21%, but the Celiac foundation do say upto 1%…

  42. udin says:


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