Table for one

May 22, 2016 -

John Heald

Good morning everyone from the beautiful old town of Rhodes, Greece. I was here multiple times on the Carnival Splendor or was it Carnival Freedom, buggered if I can remember but regardless I have been here many times and it is a beautiful, wondrous port and I am sure it will be a huge hot with the guests here.

Right now I am sitting here in the Ocean Plaza and I am one of only 188 guests out of the almost 4000 who are still on board. Included in that number is a guest also sitting here ireading his Kindle. I just took him his morning Latte from the coffee ship because Daniel and I have become mates. Daniel is from Washington, he has cruised 3 times with Carnival, he is 44 years old, he is single and works at a nuclear engineer at a power plant in Connecticut . He has no interest in taking excursions and will as he has done in every one of the European ports head out at lunchtime, have some local food and come back to the ship. That aside he likes to read, and enjoy the solitude that his job never allows him.

Yep, he has no family to ask “ what shall we do today”? Nobody to have to schedule times with, it’s just him , he does what he wants when he weants.

Being single certainly has some superb benefits. You always get control of the remote control, you can eat what you want and not worry about what anyone else wants and if you’re Daniel, you can leave the toilet seat in a permanently down position. But I have always marveled at the solo cruiser, sitting alone on the Promenade deck, surrounded by couples. But Daniel and the many other solo cruises I meet always seem to be happy, content and I do marvel at them and wonder if I could cruise solo, especially the eating alone bit.

I experienced the eating alone bit last night as you will have seen from the video below from your Carnival Vista’s Bonsai Sushi restaurant. I had spent time doing more interviews with the press and then by the time I had finished with them and by the time I had checked in on the show it was too late for me to eat in the dining room and so with Ji Ji ( my first choice and my most favourite food on the ship) was as always sold out so it was off to for some teriyaki and rice less sushi.

Solo dining to me has always been a lonely pursuit. But like many solo activities, once you get the technique right it has its own quiet rewards.

As you enter the restaurant your body language is vitally important. Gentlemen may choose to adopt a superior sideways tilt of the head that says, “I am a fascinating man of the world. On other parts of the Carnival Vista there are many, ladies who want rumpy pumpy with me but I have told them to bugger off and that I am not interested in them or their pendulous breasts.

Time plays tricks on the solo diner. The gap between ordering and getting your food stretches into centuries. So I turned to my eye phone and looked very serious so that other guests and staff would imagine the brand ambassador was sending an e mail to Christine Duffy, Arnold Donald and Micky Arison about my thoughts on Vista’s Sister and what changes we should make there when actually I was deciding whether or not to accept the 20% discount I have been offered if I decide to buy a larger penis.

While the wait for the food always seems an eternity to the solo diner as soon as the food arrives you realise how pitifully few minutes it takes to actually eat a meal, without the distraction of conversation or laughter.

Luckily enough people know me here on the ship that my table for one was not really that as I had photos taken and people stopped by to tell me how much they loved this new ship and one to tell me the coffee machine in her Grand Suite was “ too complicated and nobody had shown her how to use it.”

The rest of the time though I have to say, I didn’t like it very much. I sat ……..alone reminding myself how lucky I was not to be married to the lady on the table next to me who had ordered a drink that comes with a straw. Why is it that she thinks anyone wants to hear you consume those last few sips.

Let them go. Or, order a new drink for FFS.

Dining alone then was once seen as a sure sign of a broken relationship, that you had n friends or you were such a bastard that nobody wanted to have dinner with you. These days it seems more and more people are content and happy to dine alone.  I discussed this with Daniel and he brought up a great point when he said “I am never alone, I alwys have my cell phone and my Kindle for company and as long as there is Wi FI I am happy.” So I think Daniel has taught me (and maybe some of you possibly ) that t’s pretty judgmental of me and in fact, inaccurate that people are eating alone for any other reason than that is exactly what they want to do.

Cheers, have a brilliant day and wywh


Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.