The Fizz

May 3, 2017 -

John Heald

Someone once described the moment they drove onto the port to start their cruise vacation on a Carnival ship as “the fizz.” He told me the sheer joy of realising the fun is about to begin manifests itself as a fizzing sensation through his entire body.

Hello everyone. For those who are reading me for the very first time let me introduce myself. My name is John Heald and for 30 years I have been working for Carnival Cruise Line. I started as a bar waiter and coming from the UK that meant I knew nothing about exotic drinks. Having bluffed my way through the interview it was a shock for me and the guests when, tray in hand, I stood on the decks of the good ship Holiday (a now retired Carnival ship) knowing bugger all. In fact when a lady asked me for Sex On The Beach on my second day as a bar waiter I honestly thought I had the best job in the world.

And here I am, almost 30 years later, fatter, uglier and astonishingly the Brand Ambassador of Carnival Cruise Line and now I truly do have the best job in the world.

I should mention to Mr. and Mrs. new reader, I am not your average corporate blogist. That’s because the wonderful people at Carnival Cruise Line allow me to be me and, well, I am a man with thighs that could hold up an oil rig and a, ummmm, cheeky sense of humour. And yes Mr. Dell computer, there is a “u” in humour so stop underlining it in red before I buy a Mac and send you to be a laptop at a school in France where they teach great French war victories……meaning you will never be used. It’s English and there is a sodding “U” in humour.

Right, now that my introduction is out of the way, let’s get back to the Carnival Fizz. So why should people who have never cruised on Carnival Cruise Line do so? Why should people who on past vacations have chosen to go to an all-inclusive resort in Mexico or a naturist beach in Cleveland consider a Carnival cruise? Well, people much smarter than me and who have a beard will tell you that we are the most affordable cruise line in the world and that we carry more seniors, more children, more families and more people called Susan than any other cruise line. However, if I may, let me tell those who have never cruised with us, never experienced the fizz before, why, in this chubby chap’s opinion, you should cruise.

Cruising with Carnival Cruise Line allows you to get away from something the world we live in is suffocating us with. And that is worrying about what others think of us, worrying about what we do, what we wear and how we look. Cruising, particularly on Carnival, is an escape from all of that and in the weeks ahead I will be using this blog to try and show people who have never cruised with us why they should give it some consideration.

On our ships people dance. Yes they may look like windmills at warp speed or like they have a nest of wasps in their underwear but they don’t care, they have the Carnival Fizz.

On our ships guests sing at karaoke. Yes, they may sound like two cats having an intimate encounter on an electric fence but they don’t care, they have the Carnival Fizz. If you are a 52 year old man who wants to sing a Justin Beaver song at karaoke then Carnival Cruise Line is the place to do jt because the guests will applaud and cheer and you will be a star. Then once the applause dies down, please consider therapy.

Hi, I’m John, and this is my blog. So please don’t mistake my opinions — or those of my dear friends, fans or commenters — for those of Carnival Cruise Line or Carnival Corporation. My apologies in advance for anything I may say that upsets you, but this disclaimer covers Carnival and puts the blame directly on me………….. bugger.

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