Spotted Dick — Get your mind out of the gutter. This is not something you get after visiting Madame Claudette at a Paris brothel…….it’s my favourite desert. Here is the recipe.

Humour — Or any other word where You have dropped the U!

The French — We should invade…………it’s not like they are going to put up a fight, is it?

Barney the Dinosaur — I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family, when a shot rang out and Barney hit the floor…… more sodding purple dinosaur.

Megan Fox — I’m sorry, I just drooled all over my keyboard and can’t finish th…

Blogger — Somebody who actually reads this blog. Can you believe such people exist?

Aston Martin DBS — Yes. Please. A free cruise* to anyone who rents or buys me one.

PA 007 — The man………….or woman………….who tells me whats happening at the world of Carnival so I can tell you. No clues to his or her identity but I can tell you…………he or she likes Hot Dogs and tends to shout “WooHoo” when they are happy.

Latvian Women — Home to some of the best rumpy-pumpiers in the world………… allegedly……………if Heidi is reading this. A free cruise* in a Penthouse to anyone who rents or buys me an Aston Martin DBS with a baked Latvian model in the front seat.

Rumpy-pumpy — Something I used to get every Thursday but now happens as infrequently as a great French military victory.

High-visibility jacket — Something that everyone who works at Carnival HQ in Miami is required to wear, just as surely as I’m now required to wear pants when blogging.

Beard — According to the employee handbook, every male employee at Carnival HQ is required to wear one of these, and a few of the women have even decided to! A beard is someone who eats Tofu, uses terms such as “Blue Sky Thinking” and “Reach Out,” gets sexually excited by any new Apple product, and stands in the way of brilliant ideas *like this one.

Stephanie — A genuinely nice, intelligent girl who works for Carnival. I’ve lost count of how many Stephanies have been produced so far in PA 007’s secret genetics lab at Carnival HQ.

Bollocks — Used in a sentence “what a load of bollocks” means what a load of garbage…………..well…………….maybe a bit stronger than that.

Thingy — Your gentleman’s sausage.

Bugger— Simply the best word to use when something makes you mad, upset or pretty much any emotion. Try using it today.

Miami Heat — The greatest sports team…………………….in the world.

Is there another word I use that you’ve read over 30 times and still have have no clue what I’m talking about? Leave suggestions in the comment section below and I will have at it, in my underpants, of course.

Comment Policy

Look, friends — there are a few things you should remember before you comment. The space below is for you to post your comments about the post I've just written above. Now, while I may not be able to reply to your comment below, I do sit in my underpants almost every morning and read everything that is here. So feel free to comment on the comments and then if someone wants to comment on the comment to the comment then go ahead as well. Please be courteous, unless the poster is French...........then you can say whatever you want.

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282 Responses to John Talk

  1. Tom Elsley says:

    Hi John,
    We have cruised with you twice, once several years ago on either the Triumph or Destiny, cannot remember, in the Caribbean.
    then in 2005 on Liberty just before the cross over.
    We just got off from Dream where Butch is the cruise director. He was just part of the crew back in 05 on Liberty. Anyway, I am going on and on. Just wanted to let you know we just completed our 5th Carnival cruise and must say you were the best cruise director we have had.
    Not taking anything away from Butch, but you had us in stiches.
    Obviously after doing the Med cruise with you, the Caribbean is pale in comparison
    Thanks again,
    Tom and Mary Jo from Grand Rapids, Michigan

  2. lisa wiggs says:

    Please add “Cheeky sod” to John Talk. Thanks.

  3. lisa wiggs says:

    Please add “Manscaping” to John Talk. Thanks.

  4. Pingback: I Am Definitely Not a Dancing Queen « John Heald's Blog

  5. Pingback: The “I Want To Be Italian” Blog « John Heald's Blog

  6. Karen & Bill says:

    I have missed something. I do not like to miss anything John Heald and family!
    What is…. WYWH…?

    p.s. Does Kye need another “Thing One” outfit from Aunt Karen in USA? JK. It took me awhile to find it, cuz she WAS “Thingy”. 🙂
    Love and hugs to y’all.

  7. Pingback: Trailer Trash « John Heald's Blog

  8. Brian Smith says:

    Thanks to John and all the beards for accepting comments about the new ship’s design. One of the best parts of the cruise is the Main Dining Room experience. Please maintain the elegance in both decor and staffing. If others want self-servive, there is already the Lido deck. Thank you for your attention.

  9. Chef Jeff says:

    John. I miss you and Wee Jimmy working together. I hav ebeen on 23 Carnival Cruises and you two were the best Cruise director and assitant ever. I seen Jimmy last year on the Legend (I think)and he was a good as ever. Just returned from the Miracle (3-/19 – 3/27/2011) and I thought the Cruise Director and staff needed great improvement. The cruise director came across as very arogant. He was not fun at all. We will be on the Miracle next year (march 19, 2012).

    Thanks, Jeff

  10. gil from Mellivle says:

    Hi John,
    Can you please tell me what the menus are on the Dream, both the Eastern and Western sailings. I am doing a back to back and would like to plan a celebration that won’t conflict with a special meal. Thanks and keep up the good show!

  11. catherine philhower says:

    Hi I know this isnt the right place to post this but here goes. I’m looking for someone who works for Carnival who is a Matr’D. His name is Hello Frankie. Well this is why I’m looking for him. He went above and beyond the call of duty. My mom is on oxygen and when she was having problems breathing he stop and went to help her. I know you might say that is part of his job. But the rest of the cruise everytime he saw her he would always make sure she was ok. We even bumped into him on our next cruise and he still remembered her. He is a great person and we would love to cruise with him again. Now is there a way to find out who Every cruise ive been on the staff is amasing and for that reason we will only cruise Carnival

  12. SouthwestFreak says:

    could you please add the meaning for Hildegard?

  13. Bill Kohlemeier says:


    As a cigar smoker you may find the following thread on one of the web’s more popular cigar forums of interest. The comment regarding the Splendor is mine. I didn’t link it using HTML so you may have to copy and paste it into the address bar.


  14. David Barrell says:

    keep telling it like it is

  15. Kevin Boerio says:

    Hey, John

    Another grate suggestion to doon Carnivalcruise line. I think it would be a cool Idea to have a muder myster cruise sailing. Where the actors that are in the stage productions that are on the ships all act throughout a cruise a murder mystery. The muder would happen the second night of a of a 7 day or longer sailing. Their would be one cabin or a area of the ship where the murder took place. It would have the actor play out parts as a poilce investagtors. All the crusiers that wanted to join in this would be devided into investagation teams. They would have to solve who done it and how, why and when.Their would be dummies to be used as the bodies.I think that this would be a fun and cool idea to do. While on board a Carnival cruise ship.
    I could help you guys put this speical sailing togethier.Ihave a college degree in theater arts program from cleveland state univeristy. I would love to help you guys put this speical sailign togethier for all carnival cruiser to enjoy and have fun with trying to solve who done it.

  16. ray says:

    you may be amusing but you do need to learn to spell. There is no A in sentence!!!!

  17. barbara dye says:

    I would like to reserve four diners for the Chef’s Table on the Carnival Dream

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  19. Sherry says:

    Hmm.. what’s missing? Well i figured out WYWH is Wish you were here.

    I’d like the origin of “poop” or maybe stop using it? It feels like an inside joke leaving lots of people out. Or a joke that’s been beaten to death.

    Love your blog 🙂

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  21. jack ivie says:

    hello John i’m so excited getting on a carnival ship you make all this ship so addicting

  22. Mary says:


    When you say ‘poop’ in your blog, do you mean what I think you mean? Or is it a term that really means something else?


  23. Jamie says:

    You are adorable, and amusing. Thank you for being you.

  24. Eric Faith says:

    I have never cruised before and will do so July 30th (9155 & 9157) out of Miami on the Carnival Destiny with my wife and kidos (17 & 14). I’m a bit nervous based on the reviews I have read about Destiny but also believe that any vacation experience is as good as the person makes it. I enjoy reading your blog so please keep up the great job of being honest and opinionated!! Love the words of wisdom!

    Eric Faith

  25. John Paschall says:

    Miami Heat – The greatest SECOND PLACE team in the world! GO MAVS!
    See you March 4th on the Magic!

  26. Tony says:


    I am not on facebook or twitter. I do not see an Ask John tab above. The latter maybe because I an older guy. I and my wife will soon be first time Carnival Cruisers. My problem other than what is noted above relates to a question I wish to ask you. I request we use e-mail for the question for privacy sake. I am a military veteran with 24 years service but I am truthfully embarrased asking about this subject/slash problem. I keeping with your stern note above highlighted in blue I think this policy is “Bollocks”. :<)

  27. Will says:

    Sir, I have been reading your blog for a while now, preparing for our 10th Carnival cruise at the end of JULY. What does…WYWH stand for?

    We will see you in a few days. We have never cruised with you before and my family and myself are excited as usual!

    Thank you for all that you and the entire Carnival Staff do. My wife keeps trying to get me to do another cruise line.I am gonna talk about her when we hit 75 cruises with Carnival.

    Williams Family

  28. George says:


    Is this where I post requests for seat at the Chef’s Table on Victory?

    • Donald says:

      George – Go down to the bottom right portion of the block and click on the steak house reservations. You can get your Chef’s Table reservations at that same place. Enjoy!

  29. stan holliday says:

    srarted reading your blog after booking cruise in june. I am sure your great sense of humour is vital in your job it is amazing how upset some people get over trivial things. my wife and i crusing for first time sept 26 on fantasy out of charleston. we grew up together on the same street and when she really started growing up (if you know what i mean) we started going out since she was 15 and me 21 her mother broke us up and we went our separate ways.40 years later after she divorced her husbalnt and my wife past away we got back together and married in 2007. we will be celebrating my wifes 59th birthday on our first day at sea on the 27th of sept.could you please book table for 2 on that date and i understand the state room could also be decorated on that day it would be greatly appreciated.

  30. Ken says:

    Hands down, John Heald is the best cruise director! We had the pleasure of meeting him on the Triumph (2001) and he made our trip so memorable and fun. JOHN ROCKS!

  31. Magic Lady says:

    Dear John,
    your blog is exelent)))))))))))

  32. nicole yearwood says:

    John Heald
    Praises to your company for treating your customers like valued customers!! Royal Caribbean is getting slack for stranding 450 passengers in Puerto Rico. It was also on CBS news in S FL. Bravo! That is why my sister’s, friends & I are Carnival connoisseurs’ (that is what we proclaimed ourselves & one year had shirts printed as such which we wore on board). Thank the beards valuing their customers. Without hesitation. that is why our crew of 19 will be on the Dream on Nov. 26th

  33. Deepak Dave says:

    Hello , my name is Deepak Dave and I work in Ottawa , Ontario , Canada. I have come to carnival cruise on vacation and it is blasphemous . I am dismayed by the location you have taken us to and very disgusted. It shows people in slums and villages. I came here to vacation , not to see poor people in slums and villages . I will never come back to carnival cruise or to these locations ever again.

    • nicole says:

      Mr Deepak, apparently you thought the 70’s tv show Fantasy island was a reality show! poverty is everywhere, this is the reality of life. are you saying there are no poor areas of Ottawa? if that is the case then i suggest you never leave. what makes traveling so interesting is not only seeing the beauty of the area, but also the life of the people. they may be poor but may enjoy life more than you, as well as be more content with life than you. i cant believe you wasted time and energy with this stupid comment!!

      • Carolyn says:

        Nicole, I agree with you 100%….

      • Harry Lewstein says:

        Ottawa is Canada’s capitol you uneducated fool.It is a city there, there are no “poor parts” . Did you even go to school or college ? I am from Boston and currently at Harvard College and I think you really have no sense of what the world is like. Instead of staying on a boat come out and experience things. See what the world is actaully like not from a cruise ship’s point of view.

    • Caroline Arnester says:

      You are correct MR. D. That commentor is an igonorant kid. I have read about carnival cruise and have seen the commercials. They are differnt on t.v than in real life. I cannot belive all these people on the curise are fat and piggish !That commnetor was a fat pig maybe.

    • Keith Wexler says:

      Well , it is sad how the poor people come to see the rich people having a good time. whoever nicole is do you think these people are happy where they are ? they want to come to the states for a better life ! they are not happy or enojoy life better! You are incorrect madame.Please stop bashing people over their personal opinions. I have never been on a cruise personally but I would not waste my money going to these places that are not only sad but also dangerous.

    • Chase Mirsaslow says:

      Deepak Dave , do not listen to what others will say. This was your experince and it was not good. People should not be mocking or insulting your personal experince. I find it very immature and stupid of that moronic imbecile who said you should never leave your home. Very rude I find that.If this is the attiude of the people here they it just goes to show you how immature they are. I was on Princess Cruises and very similar experince to yours. I also did not like seeing the poor unfortunate people just there looking at us while people were strutting around buying so many things.I feel bad for them. They may look happy and be nice but they are not on the inside.

    • JOOEY says:

      Well , I think you are being honest. And I like that. These places are not glam-glam and shine-shine. Never like to see people like that. There is no beauty in seeing people underprivileged , if you like that then I think that is disturbing

    • Cecil Perdu says:

      I don’t go on cruises because of this. I prefer to go to places where people are happy and not in misery.

    • Lenord Park says:

      I agree with you deepak , These cruises are to help the advantaged people and they just flaunt their riches infornt of the lesser advantaged people. That is not nice making fun of your experince , nicole you are being rude.I though people these days would be still cherish and value the respect of others and their thoughts.

  34. Joe says:

    I have been following your blog for the past few weeks. The Family and I willing setting sail on the Miracle in October for a family reunion cruise.

    Just wanted to say thank you, your blog has been very entertaining and informative. You are not just a great CD, but a incredible ambassador to the seas.

    Thank you
    Joe Lomino

  35. Jackie says:

    Well my pet, some of us do not need UK-USA translations, but do understand the need to share the English language with the masses.

    TTFN toodles

    • kimberly marcus says:

      wow its scarry another ship is stranded…i love carnival …had a wonderful experice …bet therer some questions before i take another cruise

  36. Cindy Arnold says:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for the two Chef’s Table reservations! Maybe one day we’ll have the opportunity to thank you in person. 44 days until we sail!

    Cindy Arnold

    • Cheryl Case says:

      did you receive confirmation of your chef table reservation before ou left for your cruise? I’ve sent in a request for my birthday and would love to know before we leave.

  37. Brenda says:

    You use poop alot. Like pooping downstairs ect. What does that mean?


  38. Denise Williamson says:

    Why isn’t there more country and western music played on the cruise ships leaving out of Galveston?

  39. Allison says:

    What does FFS mean?

  40. Steve Worden says:

    John – I think I found how you can take care of your raspberry problems..

  41. Steve Worden says:


    By now you are either tired of my inputs, have not read my inputs, or don’t have an idea of who I am. So taking those things into account … here is my, once before submitted to someone at carnival cruise suggestion.

    This has to do with “WHEN STUFF HAPPENS” on cruises. I have taken 3 cruises on Carnival Cruise Ships, and Oct 22 on the Dream will be #4. On each cruise “STUFF” has happened. On the Destiny in Aug 2010 == Apparently some one missed the “get back on board” time and after setting out to leave Cozumel, after we were away from the pier, and an announcement began requesting that “so and so” and another “so and so” call a certain phone number and/or contact “Guest Services”. All of which were unintelligible on the LIDO Deck. And in Nov 2010 on the Pride there was, after leaving one of the ports, there was a constant announcement made that was something to the effect of ” will the parents of So and so call this number or contact Guest Services” and later followed by an announcement some what to the effect of “if anyone notices a lost child or there is a child in you cabin that should not be there please call a number or contact guest services”, and again on the Pride upon return from Freeport there was an announcement calling the traveling companions of so and so to to call a number or contact guest services, which in this case resulted in a medivac off the coast of Jacksonville. I knew something was up when I noticed that we took a “ZIG” off our course towards Jacksonville but later returned back what appeared to be the normal planned course.

    Problem is (and I understand the problems associated with what I am about to say from a crew standpoint of 2000 plus people on board and what STUFF HAPPENING can create)I was only able to hear these continuous announcements from my cabin when I walked to my cabin door and opened it so I could understand what was going on.


    You have a couple of cabins (in the hundreds) that might have a couple of people (in the potential thousands) in them. And the request announced throughout the ship are NOT BROADCAST IN THE CABINS.

    In some cases panic could be caused by some announcements .. But in others .. Problems and lives could be saved if they were announced in the Cabins. And I found no option in On Board Documentation for a choice of whether I wanted to get awakened at night or not for EMERGENCIES of ANY KIND.

    My emails to Carnival may or may not have fallen on deaf ears… But I did write someone about this before our last cruise on the Pride in April … and thought (very little but I did think) that perhaps my pleas about not being able to here general announcements on the lido deck did not fall on deaf ears when the following occurred: (Check this video out — it is humorous)

    Bottom line – I understand the implications of some announcements being made that could cause problems. But in some cases … ANNOUNCEMENTS that DEAL with HUMAN LIFE should be (guest like it or not) in some way be made so that ALL are in the KNOW and so ALL can help.

    My recommendation “as a start” is ask when booking or during embarkation if the person or persons (guest) choose to have these announcements made over the PA system in their cabin and would volunteer to aid the crew in a search or in any way needed. In some cases, perhaps a background check for some situations would be required for volunteers. But if and how you do it .. that’s up to the beards.

    Second Bottom Line.. If a child where to get lost, somehow wander into my cabin, announcements made regarding the child and I did not hear them .. and the next morning I found that child sleeping my my suite bath tub (this scenario the child was alive and well) I not only would be devastated … but really really angry with Carnival. (Note: Stewards do leave the room door open while cleaning a room).

    So… I’ve said what I said while sitting here in my … boxers!


  42. Claudio says:

    Hola John, estoy a bordo del Carnival fascination como turista y me gustó mucho el buque y su funcionamiento a la hora de brindar servicio a los pasajeros.
    Me gustó tanto que tengo deseos de trabajar en este buque , agradezco tener una entrevista con usted para saber de los requisitos para un empleo.

  43. John McIlhenny says:

    Hi John:
    A few weeks ago, I requested Chef’s Table reservations for two on the Sensation on the Dec. 15th sailing. Booking no. is 823MG4. Anything you can do to help would be appreciated. BTW, long time CCL nurse Terry Kramer said to say hello. She said something about home made Khalua and the bottles you found phallic???
    John M.

  44. Steve Worden says:

    Carnival Dream .. 10 24 2011 — Your Submarine Friend here! I made a major comment on you blog about the Language Thingy! And being a US NAVY Vet I TRULY TRULY understand the purpose of the Crew having Drills.

    Having said that the language thingy did cause a bit of humorous moment today as the crew was doing drills…

    The crew, consisting of many nationalities could cause some confusion and misinterpretation…

    Announcement I thought I heard —
    “Attention .. “stretch your thing” report to …..”

    After we laughed in our Cabin I realized it meant … “Stretcher Team” report to …

    Hope it all worked out …. Gota Love it!


  45. jodi says:

    I was wondering why is it that Carnival calls and offers upgrades to some and not to other’s

    any rime or reason

  46. Steve Worden says:

    Carnival Dream –

    Video from you Submarine Friend!


  47. please address the constant abuse of people saving deck chairs with towels. I have been on 4 cruises and it seems to be getting worse.

  48. Steve Worden says:

    Dear John

    Looking forward to our next cruise, but have not yet decided on just which one will be next.

    This time last week on the Dream, we had just finished an amazing excursion. It’s called the CHEF’S Table.

    We were catered to, given much champagne, wine, and wine; a tour of the galley, and and well you name it … we experienced it.

    Why do I bring this up? First I don’t have enough space to write all that I think about the experience. I highly recommend it for anyone who loves great food and great service. Especially if one loves art. But I do not recommend it for anyone who has a problem eating fine art.

    Presentation, Presentation, Presentation! I am not sure I get it but, I, with a touch of guilt ate it anyway.

    But as the Chef take this seriously, I understand and commend him and his staff for their intense serious attention to their profession.

    So for a moment I will lay aside the food and service comments on go on to the fun side. That side has to do with the people we dined with.

    I will say that the 11 people we dined with, which includes my wife and I, had such divers personalities and backgrounds we could have starred in a remake of “GILLIGAN’S Island”.

    One couple we were seated next to us caused me to immediately think that “JOHN HEALD” was tired of my comments and set me up.

    They were British. They stated they had just been to Disney World, this was their first time in the USA, and this was their first Cruise on Carnival.

    My immediate thought was .. “YEA RIGHT”. These people are British .. they MUST KNOW JOHN. And I thought to myself, in a champagne, white wine, red wine haze ..”I’LL ASK HIM if he knows them. And then in a sudden burst of reality I remember being seen in my Naval Uniform and everyone and anyone thought I knew every single solitary soul that was in the Navy! So I won’t ask if you know them cuz I don’t remember their names.

    Sitting beside them during the CHEF’S Table would be what I think it would be like sitting next to you and your wife during a series Dinner that was not all that serious.

    I have no Idea if they appreciated my sense of humor, but listening to their stories and comments was like reading your blog post. He, his wife, my wife and I laughed our asses (arses?) off. I do not recall the number of times I got that LOOK from my wife that we all get that signals .. “SHUT UP!”

    So what’s my purpose for this reply?

    Just wanted to say this:

    !. Love the Carnival Dream
    2. Every one should try the Chef’s Table
    3. Love British Humor


    4. EVEN Though I do not remember the Brit’s name, and you may have access to the Crew List …


    (I Know I said I wouldn’t ask .. But my wife gave me that LOOK)

    Steve (HIM)
    The Submarine Guy

  49. mary holt says:


    I will send you an e-mail, regarding this trip

  50. Rahnalidhio says:

    I am from Barcelona , Spain and I came on this Cruise and did not find it enjoyable. Alot of the people here are overweight and I am disguted by how they just keep on eating and eating. It is not a good thing to keep eating non-stop.The cabin rooms are a bit too small for my family and me. It is very expensive the excursions. I thought it would be covered.

  51. nana says:

    umm you should improve the cabins here , not that great

  52. laura cho says:

    Well , this was my first time on a cruise and I don’t think I would like to come back here. This or Carribien . I am not really a cruiser it seems.

  53. tess dimagio says:

    the vegatarien meals should be more on the menu . please take that inot consideration for all the non-meat eaters on the ship.

  54. Steven Keller says:

    I wish to tell you about a cruise I just completed with one of your cruise lines. Princess Cruise Lines. I took a 14 day cruise to Hawaii on the Princess Sapphire from Los Angles and returning to Los Angles. I will never book another cruise with Princess after the way we were treated. The service was nothing like we have received from Carnival and this is the only time I have ever been talked to by staff members of any cruise lines where my wife and myself were insulted and asked to leave and come back when someone else was on working by cruise personnel. Your cruise lines have always been great but if all of Carnival Cruise Lines are like this I will find another lines to book with. I thought you would like to know how people are being treated on this lines that you now own.

  55. Cecil Perdu says:

    I think there should be a carnival cruises for all the obese people , because alot of them are onboard and they really need to lose some punds. It will help them alot and do them good .

  56. Milo Decarlo says:

    uhhh???that is funny most of the people here are fat and they show all skinny people in ther ads

  57. Milo Decarlo says:

    fat people need some help in lsoing weight , ever heard of jenny graig ?

  58. Apirl Shorman says:

    Well I won’t be going to cruises anymore. Makes me sea sick

  59. Donna says:

    I don’t usually write on blogs but I wanted to say how much my husband and I enjoy Carnival cruise line. We have had fantastic experiences on board all the ships we have been on and only one experience that rubbed me the wrong way. For our 25th anniversary cruise Mike had bought us both Carnival robes. He forgot his on board and we did not realize until we got home. I called and wrote and asked if they would send it but was told “no”. Those things are not cheap but more importantly it was for our 25th. But the experience did not taint us against Carnival. It was a lesson for both of us. He needs to pack better and I need to check his packing. We have celebrated our 25th and 26th anniversaries on your line and hope to spend more.
    My husband, Mike, has become such a big Carnival cruise ‘addict’ I jokingly tell him when he retires he will have to work for Carnival. Recently, he found out about your blog via cruise critic and has now added you to his nightly reading list along with the Carnival website and cruise critic. He sits in his corner of the couch laughing at your comments to the point I have had to reassure the grandbabies, G-pa is not crazy. He comments on a regular bases the he would love to be on the same cruise as you one day. We are booked for our 9th cruise on the Imagination out of Miami, Fl Nov. 28. Then our 10th cruise on the Inspiration out of Tampa, Fl on Dec. 3rd (or as Mike likes to say “Our Platinum cruise baby”). That free laundry service seems to mean a lot to him. I was wondering reading your postings are you ever the CD on any cruise out of the U.S?
    FYI: cruise number 11 is already book.
    Thank you

  60. Trueman Sanford says:

    Thought you might like this John:

    Great Answers

    In France, at a fairly large conference, Prime Minister Steven Harper was asked by a French cabinet minister if Canadian involvement in Afghanistan was just an example of “empire building”.
    Mr Harper answered by saying, ‘Over the years, Canada has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return.’
    You could have heard a pin drop.

    A Canadian Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the Canadian, US, English, Australian and French Navies.
    At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French Admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, North Americans generally learn only English. He then asked, ‘Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?’
    Without hesitating, the Canadian Admiral replied ‘Maybe it’s because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn’t have to speak German.’
    You could have heard a pin drop.

    When Robert Whiting, an elderly Canadian gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on at French Customs.
    ‘You have been to France before, monsieur?’ the customs officer asked sarcastically.
    Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
    The official replied, ‘Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.’
    The Canadian said, ‘The last time I was here, I didn’t have to show it.’
    ‘Impossible, Monseur. Canadians always have to show passports on arrival in France!’
    The Canadian senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, ‘Well, when I came ashore on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn’t find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to.’
    You could have heard a pin drop.

    • Chris C says:

      Sorry, you’ve attributed all three to Canadians. The first was actually said, albeit, out of context, by Colin Powell, an American. Check

      The second and third I found by searching but depending on who was quoting it, was changed to THEIR country.

  61. Robert Crane says:

    The (2) words ” Male Prostitute ” you once used in one of your jokes about a lost woman in the hallway looking for her room . If I didn’t have a clue of the meaning of the term “Male Prostitute ” the joke would not have been as funny . I am not naive but your definition is always more humorous. Bob

  62. Judy Harrison says:

    HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to you and your bride–When ya’ll have been married 42 yrs ( like Hubby and I ) I”ll ask you then how it’s going. CONGRADULATIONS.

  63. Heidi Lawson says:

    I heard a rumor that Carnival is redoing it’s Platnium past guest policy. If so, when? Will they include free drinks like RCCL?

  64. David Predeger says:

    So is Carnival still freaking out about taking travel bikes on a cruise. We did a cruise to Mexico last year and set up our bikes to bike around Key West. The ship security went balistic, whats the deal, it’s only bikes…We travel with our bikes everywhere we go and think it’s a great thing for a cruise.
    David Predeger

  65. Lisa Pentz says:


    I have sailed with Carnival quite a few times and it was during the first Carnival cruise that I was hooked. I love the ships, the people working for carnival are amazing as is the food and the activities are always lots of fun. There is as much or as little to do as you want. That being said, I just returned from my first cruise on a Celebrity ship. I was invited to join a friend and her family for a trip and, being that I love cruising, decided to go for it. How much could it differ from my favorite cruise line? Boy did I find out. First of all, the average age of the passengers on my most recent cruise was around 70 – I kid you not, I felt like I should be in one of the kids camps on this trip. Celebrity appears to cater to a much more mature crowd and they like it that way. They had no midnight buffets as the majority of the passengers aren’t up past 8:00 p.m. The food was very good but I noted that (1) they did not have chocolate lava cake at all during any meal; and (2) lobster was never offered during the cruise. To make up for the lack of the midnight buffet, they have a brunch buffet on the last full day at sea. It was nice but truly not the beauty that is a Carnival Midnight Buffet.

    A few other things I noted, and they are things I never thought mattered much to me, are the lack of any towel animals. One night I came back to my cabin to find a towel animal on my bed but was not able to identify its species. Our cabin steward rivaled any I have had on Carnival and was outstanding as were the waiters who took good care of us.

    Needless to say, I will be returning to Carnival for my next cruise and have made a promise to myself to stay with Carnival. Why mess with perfection? Thank you to you and all the wonderful people at Carnival who made me realize how spoiled I really was.

  66. John Hornyak says:

    First, I hope you Heidi and the kids had a wonderful Christmas and are ready for a Happy New Year.
    I recently heard that Ken Burns was assaulted by a crew member on a ship. Is this true? If it is I cannot believe of all the people someone could or would harm him. Please wish him well and a speedy recovery.
    I am hoping to sail with you in the coming year. Things are tough right now, since losing my job of 16 years. I know things will get brighter soon though. Looking forward to hearing your witty banter live in person, as well as on your Blog. Keep up the excellent work…Carnival is so fortunate to have you as their Premier Ambassador!
    JCH p.s. you don’t need to post this
    if possible

  67. shawn benetz says:

    i emailed a while back about reserving the chefs table for my mother and myself on our cruise we are taking 1/21 on dream and did not now how long it takes or how soon before the cruise that i will receive a email if reservations have been made

    thank you

  68. CYNTHIA says:

    Is the Spirit in drydock now? I cant find any information on this.

  69. Cheryl Paraschos says:

    Happy Birthday John!!! You were my first Cruise Director way back in 2006 on the Liberty and I am now a hooked repeat cruiser….going on my first back to back this Saturday on the Dream and so looking forward to it the only thing that would have made it perfect is if you were the Director on it…oh well Cheers 🙂

  70. Virginia Caputo says:

    Sending best wishes for a very Happy Birthday and many many more!! Hope you had a wonderful day..

  71. Janine Zornes says:

    Dear John,

    By any chance were you the cruise director on the Carnival Pride, 10/2/05 sailing? You seem so familar to me and I’m wondering if that’s why. I love your blog, by the way. Your words, advice and comments are always spot on!



  72. Berta Allen says:

    Hi John, Just wanted to say Thank You very very much for my birthday surprises, (the strawberries, champagne, and Victory ship on a stick). This will definitely be a birthday that I will never forget! Currently touring on the Carnival Victory, and my friend Julie is so jealous of my ship on a stick, I am lording it over her every chance I get. See you on the Magic for the bloggers cruise. Your friend, Bertie

  73. Phyllis says:

    Can’t find the current CD schedule for March 2012, so I’ll just ask:

    Will you be on the Magic for the Mar. 11th sailing too?

  74. Donna says:

    Good Morning John, I just got off the Liberty with the Troublemakers and I just wanted to thank you for all that you do. I am a Platinum cruiser and although things seem to be changing, the staff still went out of their way to accommodate everyone. We had one of the best times ever with Karl. I would love to know where he will be next Jan/Feb. It may make our decision what ship we go on. Ecstasy in Sept, I assume he wont be there.. Thanks again

  75. Stanley Krol says:

    John I will be on the Liberty February 25…my fiance and I are cruising the second time on the Liberty in three years, we are excited to board and enjoy the new venues!I am a Big fan of Guy Fieri, and Captain Morgan. I enjoy reading your blogs and like you on facebook.

  76. David says:

    I will be cruising on the dream on april 21 and I would like to surprise my wife with the Cheif’s Table. My booking is 485pv8.

  77. Deborah Dunn says:

    John, sorry it has taken so long to get this letter to you. Hope you have the time to read it…….sorry it is long. Thank you, Deborah Dunn

    P.S. From now on when people are rude to you, tell them to get the hell off you whale tail……..I’m just thinking out loud.

    February 27, 2012


    Sorry, but I do think James looks better in the purple dress. However, no one can tell the “Bedtime Story” like you…… rock it!!!!!!!! John, again, I’m the one that told you my husband and I cheated on Carnival. What a joy it was to meet you on the Conquest. Sadly, we missed you on the Magic. However, James did you proud. I would like to comment on something I never realized or truly never thought of before. While on the Magic (Nov 27th 2011) we met the greatest assistants to James, Lonnie from Australia, Christian from England, Eli from New Zealand (my husband wouldn’t let me bring him home), Nathan and Andrew from PA, USA, Stephanie from Canada ,and please forgive me a very nice girl (that left the ship) that told everyone she was Asian in their play, and last but of my God not least Calvin from Canada the assistant cruise director. While on the cruise we are always so focused on how much fun these individuals are creating for us and having with us. We talk to them about their families and what ships they will be on next. Not until the Magic did I realize just what a family they are. While waiting for platinum guests to leave the ship, On of the crew (from James’ staff was leaving) there were tears and hugs and you could tell how hard it was for them; I cried myself. I guess what I’m trying to say is that those of us that see ourselves as part of the Carnival family should just think about how hard they truly do work for us and take the time to recognize them for it; in person and in pen. Oh yes, there wasn’t a day on the trip that we didn’t see at least 3 or 4 of the above individuals, they made the cruise great. I do have a question……….did you know Calvin is CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    My husband and I always have dinner in the supper club, and the supper club on the Magic was UNBELIVEABLE! To our delight we were waited on by Victoria and you would be hard-pressed to find anyone to do a finer job. Another surprise was the MD Drago. We always check the dining room to see where our table is and sure enough we were in a booth. When Drago asked me how he could help me, I just pointed to my husband (close to your size) and told me that will not fit in a booth. Needless to say Drago not only took care of it, we got the first table ever by the window. Every single night Drago stopped by our table. One night my soup was a little cool, the head waiter Troy from Costa Rica ( which by the way was the best we have ever had) told Drago and he told me he would have me a new one the next night (only because I didn’t want then) and he is a man of his word…………..the soup was there and it was hot. Sadly for us, we found that Victoria and Drago are married and will be going to the Liberty so we will not see them in Aug 2012. The two assistant waiters we had were very good, Imade from Indonesia and Dragaa from Serbia. I must tell you that I have never seen anyone work as hard as Dragaa; this man is all over the place. As I told Drago………we hope to soon see Dragaa move up in position. We appreciated his hard work.

    On this trip we celebrated my husband retiring after 40 years in one industry. I ordered a cake from the “Candy Shop” for dinner and it didn’t arrive: no big deal. The next day I spoke with Eva and Dirna at the “Candy Shop – Cherry on Top” and found the cake had been delivered to the steakhouse; again, not a problem. Eva and Dirna took care of the problem and had another cake delivered. However, when it came it was much larger than what I had paid for. We had cake, the waiters had cake, the people at the next table had cake and the room steward had cake…………that wouldn’t happen at the Holiday Inn.

    Augstina from Indonesia was our room steward and Tomas was his assistant. Augstina was great. No matter how many times I asked him not to make my bed after I took a nap, he would make it. Augstina knew every name on the first day. Everyday his smile started your day. Augstina was the most outstanding steward we have ever had. My husband and I have already book the same room for August 2012, and hope that Augstina will still be on the Magic.

    John, there is one last person I would like to tell you about, his name is Szabolcs, from Hungary, and he worked in the dining areas on the Lido deck. Szabolcs is one of those people that you might not notice if you weren’t looking. Szabolcs was always doing his job, he always said something to us everyday as he picked up the dishes from our meal. When I ask him for his name I think he thought I was upset about something until I told him how much it had meant to us that he had taken time out of his day to speak to us. After all, I hope as guests on their ship we never forget how hard they work for us to enjoy ourselves.

    Have a wonderful day on the beautiful MAGIC, and thank you and your Carnival family for all they do for us. See you in Aug 2012 on the MAGIC. Oh yes we have the best PVP, Marianna Ward, she takes the best care of us on each trip…..she rocks.

    Deborah and James Dunn
    Carrollton, Texas

  78. Deborah Dunn says:

    John, I am sad to say that it has been so long since I have booked a cruise by myself that I didn’t know the website has changed. My PVP Maranne Ward has taken such great care of us. When I called her yesterday to get quotes on Hawaii all I had to say was “hello Marianne, this is the crazy people from Texas” and she said, “hello Deborah how is Jimmy doing”. No I want someone to tell me that isn’t service. She is truly great and I hope you will pass this on to Eric The (Great) Beard for me.

    I’m still thinking about my suggestion for the first class trip, let me know.

    Thanks, Deborah

  79. John Tsouris says:

    Hello! I’m a 40 time cruiser on CCL. I called guest services today about an issue, and they suggested I contact you. They said “everyone” at Carnival reads this site and I should type my request here. Let’s see…. Ms. Rein? Are you here?

    I see they have slated the Destiny for a name change. No. Please, no.

    I understand that Carnival is going all-out to fit my favorite ship with a bunch of new amenities, and they want guests to know that the ship will be all new. This is very exciting, and trust me, we will know the ship is new. We do not need a name change to know this.

    If one takes a moment to think about the matter, Carnival has said all the new amenities and shops that are going to be fitted on her will be the “future” of Carnival, or the DESTINY of Carnival, if you will. The ship is already aptly named! If she had already been called the “Sunshine”, they likely would be renaming her the Destiny!

    See what you can do, will you?


    John Tsouris

  80. Linda Working says:

    HI John,
    To remind you, we have booked our very first CCL cruise on the Liberty leaving 3/24. I am now VERY nervous about the decision with the latest news that the ship has problems. I want to be on your ship now!!!!
    Can you please continue to keep us updated on facebook.
    Celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary and my soon to be 15yr old daughters spring break on this trip that we have waited to take since I broke my leg in July 2011.
    Looking forward to your updates on my trip and as always the antics on your cruises. LOVE that I have found you and your blog. Thanks for being my facebook friend!
    Safe travels to you~Linda from Oregon
    Soon to be in Cabin 7362 on Liberty 3/24

  81. lawrence says:

    saw you exit the Magic today via the elavator to customs—please be forthcoming and tell me your likes/dislikes of your cruise—I am booked for a cruise on this ship soon and would like to have your ideas as what to do or not do, what venues you enjoyed, which to avoid and on and on

    filll me in!!!!


  82. Adam Mehn, Jr. says:

    This is for someone in customer relations and needs attention. I, and my partner recently cruised (fourth Carnival Cruise) on the Conquest out of New Orleans (sailed on 19 February 2012 to the Caribbean)and when we returned home and finally caught up at work were informed yesterday (the 13th)that we were too late to complete ourcomment card.
    This is a situation that I have several comments that would be important to Carnival to hear – but obviously the comment card is “not for real” – only there for Carnival to appease your clients. I will sail again on Carnival – however the next cruise that I am on – the Captain, Cruise Director and anyone else that I can talk to will hear my problems – which start with a published Carnival Policy of “formal night” not allowing shorts, tank tops, torn off blue jeans, etc into the dining room and the policy is not enforced!! How do you think that makes me feel – I am sitting there in a full tuxedo and my guest is in a formal gown – and Carnival does not police its own policy. Not that everyone should be in tux and evening gown – but at least a dress shirt and tie or a fancy dress for the ladies. This is only one of my “problems” and there are others – but the day is done and I have a meeting to go to.

    Maybe you will e-mail me something in return??

  83. david rozek says:

    dear john; is there anyway to provide chairs or speed up registation in miami as my wife has ms. and cannot stand for more than 5 minutes. we enjoy traveling with carnival as this cruise; feb.2,2013 on the liberty will be her second and this is the only complaint she has. everyone one one the boat could not have been any nicer to her or more courteous to her as her days of traveling are getting shorter because of this terrible disease. any help would be greatly appreciated. again thank you.

  84. Takesha Chappell says:

    Please add me to John’s Talk. I am up here on your blog reading everyday and enjoy it. I would like to one day cruise with you, your cruises seem so much fun. Me and my family will be on the Carnival Sensation on Thursday 4/12/2012 for the third time. We love cruising.

  85. Linda Park says:

    The passengers on the upcoming Breeze, 8/02/12 are keeping in touch on the cruise critic thread. We are wanting to meet on board and I thought you may have a suggestion as to what would be good place to mingle? Cocktail, yes! Maybe somewhere teen-tween friendly? Thank you!
    PS I thought the wheezing crack was golden!!!


    i did travel lastly from 8 al 15 abril 2012 on magc..beatiful….but, i was deceived for mr. Damian at spa 9…
    he sale me tre things for 280 dls…i don needed , he told me algas algoe for modifiy my PH …dont gave me information clear…
    he told im professional but is not true…
    cober me 35 dolars for consltant…315 totaL..

  87. Linda S.Weitzel says:

    Hi John,had a marvelous time with my family on the LEGEND last week.Kirk and his crew were amazing;KUDOS to Head Waiter JOEY and his helpers at our table#157,they made my family feel extra special,our granddaughters enjoyed a special treat from them(banana split) and they had the older granddaughter Tiffany dancing,such a wonderful crew.My only little complaint was the evening entertainment,the dancers were o.k.,best nite was the big easy theme,the comedian was o.k., and the singer who was there to do one show only performed for 40 minutes–I could have listened to him for 3 hrs. so please give KIRK,jOEY,and PETER a big THANK YOU from the WEITZEL family!

  88. Tom says:

    I am trying to find out something about a Chefs Table? I am crusing on the Dream 11/3/12. We met a couple in Feb that had signed up for this and recommended. Cananyone help?

  89. Melissa says:

    John, I have probably missed it somewhere, either here or on FB but what does FFS stand for?

  90. Laszlo Toth says:

    Please post my comment from our last fantastic cruise on the Carnival Valor. We had such a great time because of Matt the cruise director that everyone needs to know how fantastic this guy is. Here is my comment:

    I would like to inform Carnival about our last fantastic cruise experience on the Carnival Valor, booking #535QZ9. We always have a great time when we cruise with Carnival but this was more memorable that the ones in the past (9 other Carnival cruises). The main reason we had such a great time on this cruise is because of your cruise director Matt. We’ve sailed with Matt back in 2009 on the Valor and back then he was just an activity coordinator and we had a blast with him, he was so very entertaining, funny and he made sure everything we did with him was FUN. When we boarded the Valor this time and heard his voice we had to seek him out to make sure that it was him. And that is when the fun started for us. He just so energetic, funny just a great time being around him what ever he does. Unlike some of our other cruises on Carnival we hardly seen the cruise directors. Not Matt he seemed to be everywhere making sure everyone on board had a good time and most of all he wanted all of us to have FUN. We have another booking on the Valor on Oct 27th and just hoping we will get to be with Matt because we will know we will have an enjoyable cruise and have plenty of FUN. Lastly, I see Matt as a great asset to Carnival and I hope he has many, many years on Carnival ships.
    Thank you,
    Laszlo Toth

  91. carol says:

    John..complaints/ a lady from carnival called me to book another cruise. In short, I told her about an experience we (20) had on the Magic in Nov. 2011. We did not like how the cruise director set the games, etc in several locations around the ship. We did not like the ship in general. You could not walk across the floor on the Lido deck without falling. They cut the movies off before they were over. They did not ture the music off announcments.I could go on and on , however you do nothave the space. It was one of the worst cruises I have been on. All of my other cruises were fantastic.The lady suggested I email you as you were the director. Thanks for your time.

    • John says:

      I felt the two Carnival Ships that run out of Galveston are over priced to begin with. We have a cruise booked at the end of July leaving out of New Orleans (7 days) and its cheaper than 5 day out of Texas.

  92. Garris Graham says:

    “sodding” you seem to use this as an adjective. In Illinois sodding is a verb that means laying down slabs of grass on the dirt & hoping they will take root.

  93. Thanks , John just for being yourself. Being from good English/Irish stock I love to read your blog’s . I also enjoy Carnival. My wife and I are sailing on the Magic in March and can’t wait. We have sailed many other lines but after we sailed Carnival it is the best. Keep up the good work. Retired but not down!

  94. John says:

    Hi John,
    I’ve been in the IT software business for 30 years. The Carnival web site used to explore different cruises and book cruises is rather poorly designed. For example all activities, rooms, look so generic between boat. I sometime find more information about dates, times, and price on other site that sell cruise. I’ve also compared your web site to your competitions and I’m afraid ya’ll you come out at the bottom. I would say your software technology is after 4 to 5 years old. Please past this note on to your IT Planning department. Regards, John Maruscak

  95. aviram cohen says:

    Who was dick little? Breeze june 15 2012

  96. Laszlo Toth says:

    Hello John,
    We’ve been cruising with Carnival the past 8 times. We have two cruises booked, Oct. on the Valor and Jan. on the Breeze. We are taking our daughter this time with us on the Breeze. She loves Sushi. The Sushi was at no charge on all the ships we’ve been on in the past, but I am told that Sushi on the Breeze is not free. Is this so? What is the cost?
    Are you going to be on the Breeze Jan. 5th 2013?
    Thanks very much,
    Laszlo Toth

  97. vicki says:

    Hi John,
    Can you check into 2012 Cruise Director’s Schedule. We sail on Spirit to Alaska July 31, 2012 but online schedule only goes to June. Would like to see who is going to be CD on this particular cruise.
    Thank you.

  98. Stan and Linda Hogan says:

    Dear John,
    My wife and I are in our mid 50’s and have been on 9 cruises so far, all with Carnival and we loved them all, we have another booked in October when we go Platinum, it is on Carnival Liberty which is the Ship we took our first Cruise on in 2006 when you were the Cruise Director, and 2 more back to back booked in January all on Carnival Elation and we can’t wait for them. Recently we decided to try a different type of vacation so we took an All Inclusive to Cancun Mexico, Was that ever a mistake, the Worse vacation of our life, I must say we are a little spoiled since we started cruising with Carnival but let me tell you a little about this experience, The first day there we saw a drowning on the beach, the first 2 days we were constantly harassed to join timeshares or join vacation clubs, this started in the airport and we were even approached on the beach by a man trying to get us to come to another resort. The resort had 14 restaurants (4 were gourmet) and 18 bars, we tries most of them and none came close to Carnival, in fact the best food we had all week was spaghetti, and I can make better spaghetti than what we had there, most of the restaurants were open air restaurants and were very hot, we even watched a large blackbird eating off the desert bar in one restaurant and the staff didn’t seem concerned about it, the bar service was terrible, in 7 days around the pool only once did someone ask if I needed a drink! I didn’t have a cold beer all week, in the morning the beer was cool and by mid afternoon it was almost warm, and it was watered down. All areas in the Resort were very hot except the rooms which were very cold even on the highest setting on the thermostat. The pool was nice early in the morning but by mid afternoon the water was too warn to enjoy. It was so hot with very little breeze around the pool and on the beach that you couldn’t enjoy yourself. The restaurants were only open part time so if you were hungry when they were closed you just had to wait. The resort only had 2 shows they performed, and they alternated them nightly so after the first 2 nights there was nothing left to do except go to a bar and drink warm watered down beer or try to sleep which was impossible since the shows were performed in the garden lobby area of the resort which was right outside your room and they were very loud. The public restrooms on the resort were NASTY!!
    Only 1 time in the entire week was I referred to by name, they had no hand sanitizer anywhere, we paid extra for Ocean Front room and got Garden View with no refund, they even charged $5 a day to use the safe in the room! In comparison on a Carnival Cruise the Food is Wonderful, The service is Great, There is always someone offering to bring you a drink, everyone is very friendly and by the second day you are referred to by name, there is always so much to do on a Carnival Cruise Ship that I am never able to do everything in 7 or 8 days, so to sum it up we had no good experiences on the All Inclusive, and on Carnival Cruises Everything is Wonderful so from now on when we take a vacation it will be on a Carnival Cruise Ship.

    Stan and Linda Hogan



  100. Lynn says:

    John, Thanks for all you do and all the great info!! Question, Husband and I will be sailing on The Liberty Feb 16th then getting off and on to The Victory. Victory will be my 10th cruise, will they know I will be Platamin?? How do I get those tags for my bags?? So excited!! Thanks, Lynn

  101. Kimberly Hasson says:

    I must admit I love reading your blog as it gets sent to my email as you post. Being from Canada, I find no errors in your spelling, or “slang” as some call it. We just came back from London England( my daughter who has cystic fibrosis, won a trip for us to the olympics) I loved England, and would visit there again, if my pocket book allowed it. I write to let you know that we are not all haters of your words. I get a jolly good chuckle from many postings, and just stare at my computer screen with my mouth gapping open at some of the demands and requests the cruise guests have demanded. My mother and I are sailing together for the very first time on January 12, aboard the Liberty. We are leaving husbands and children at home, and having some mother and daughter bonding time. I must admit I am giddy with anticipation! My mother is approaching 70 and I just turned 40, am am also living with cystic fibrosis. This is both our bucket list trip. I am truly so thankful for your blog, it has given me an insight on what to except and what is a little too DEMANDING!!! Lol! We have reservations for the steakhouse and confirmations with the chef’s table. Being a culinary student, I am so thrilled with this. We have our exersions booked and paid, and now we are saving our pennies for spending( which will be proven hard to do , as Canada is getting rid of their copper currency soon) I am looking forward to our cruise, and I will be sure to share with you the outcome. Thank you for your wit, and skillful tongue biting replies. All the best from your Queen worshipping sisters in the north land.

  102. Eileen says:

    hi, how do I get an upgrade after I have already paid and I will be sailing in 3 weeks? I booked two staterooms, one for me and one for my two daughters, (19 and 22 years old) but their room is just a box, no window. I did not book through a travel agent.

  103. Hal Hoffman says:

    John, picturing you sitting around in your under pants is more than my IMAGINATION can Bear!! I’ll bet you day DREAM about stolling down the Promenade deck in all your SPLENDOR. I can imagine what it is like in your cabin when the BREEZE gets a little windy! The SENSATION must have a certain amount of FACINATION!! Now that you are a LEGEND on Carnival, it may be your DESTINY to bask in the SHINSHINE with cute young women flocking around like they are in ECSTACY!! That must bring a certain amount of ELATION, like living on a floating PARADISE! And the VALOR of coming to so many peoples aid must give a sense of VICTORY! And the FREEDOM to come and go on so many different ships must put you in your GLORY! And as a Gentleman, we are sure a CONQUEST is kept in confidence! But you are at LIBERTY to have a FANTASY or two! But keeping in the SPIRIT of Carnival all the time must sometimes be like a MIRACLE, and something you must take PRIDE in. Since you are such an INSPIRATION, It must feel for you like a real TRIUMPH!

  104. Judy Harrison says:

    John, just read the comments that a passenger ( Wanda Macateer-her spelling ) sent you about the person in the cabin next to hers smoking on HIS balcony–Hubby and I both smoke ( him cigars & me cigs ). We have paid for our cruise on The Magic for March 17, 2013 and will be smoking on OUR balcony that WE have paid for. If she feels this way why why doesn’t she buy the cabins on either of her to make sure this does not happen or go on a TOTAL SMOKE FREE cruise line. Why should my vacation be ruined that I paid for just for her. Sorry I bent your ear but people like this tick me off. Have a GREAT DAY.

  105. cheri says:

    I was on the freedom when she was new and in europe-i cannot remember what was the cruise directors name-he is awesome and also again i saw him again after that on the freedom-Please send me his name and tell me which ship he is on–i am on the dream, nov 10 and was wondering if he is on that ship. I have clients on the breeze for new years and hope they get to meet you. Thanks cheri nikzad, travel agent.

  106. Arlene Frewin says:

    Since you are asking about those cruises, and which we would prefer, my preference would be the one on the Sunshine. The reason is, because we sailed on the Destiny, for our 5th wedding anniversary with some of our favourite (spelt correctly) people, and would now like to see the changes in her, since her refitting. Thanks

  107. Sarah Long says:

    Hello John,
    My rate dropped from
    Old Rate $489 Total $1466.07
    New Rate $346 Total $1432.43
    By the time I emailed in the Early saver protection form, cabins may have been booked but at the time I submitted my request for an obstructed room of 3 people on deck 4 was a total of 1432.43. I along with Warren the cruise person we book through acknowledged the rate drop and would like my room to be lowered per the new rate.
    We have other people traveling in other cabins that had the rate reduced. They are in the same cabin type on the same floor literraly one to the right and one to the left of us. The 4th cabin is a few cabins down but still is an obstructed view room on the same deck with, same room type.
    We have traveled on 5 cruises through Carnival and have used the early saver form in the past. We book far ahead of time so we can travel together in the same cabins and recieve the best rates possible.
    I recieved the denial yet our other cabins were discounted 🙁
    Thank you

  108. Mandy Gulley says:

    Hi John

    I just got back from a visit home to Blighty and found a Spotted Dick chocolate bar…How awesome…. chocolate and a great pudding in one bar YUM YUM…Maybe Heidi can load you up on some!

  109. David Noah says:

    Hello John,
    We sailed with you a few years ago from Rome. I was curious, we are sailing on the Miracle on Nov. 20 and their Cruise Director is leaving on the 7th. Is there a possibility you might replace him since it is listed as TBA? We thoroughly enjoyed our time with you and would love another chance to spend a week listening to your stories and morning report. Please, if there is a way, it would be great.

  110. Rebecca Kochenour says:

    So according to your own definitions, you have a penis disclaimer link. Wow, you must be a riot 😉

  111. MARILYN CRUZ says:

    existe algun lugar para quejas sobre el servicio de carnival

  112. Karen says:

    Could you please tell me where the laundry facilities are on the Carnival Breeze? Thank you.

    • Lawrence Shadeed says:

      Hi Karen, there are quite a few laundry facilities on the Breeze. I was on deck 2 last Sept. The laundry facility was towards the rear of the ship. Ask your cabin steward, they can tell u exactly where they are in relation to your cabin. Take a little bottle of detergent with you, cheaper than the ship. There is even an iron for you to use in the laundry rooms. Hope this was helpful.

  113. Dave Delaney says:

    So the Imagination is coming to California… to do what the Inspiration is already doing? Send the Imagination down to Cabo!! 6 and 8 days. Ask people… Ensenada or Cabo? We have gone from 4 ships… Elation, Paradise, Splendor, Spirit. To 2 ships…Inspiration, Imagination? and they are both going to do Ensenada, Catalina run? BORING!

  114. Fred says:

    I heard it is possible to serve as a host on a cruise for widows and single ladiesSounds pretty good especially if I get paid to do it! Where do I learn more? Thanks.

  115. Daniel t. says:

    Hi Mr. Heald,

    Is it possible that you could help me with a proposal? I want to ask my gf to marry me on our carnival conquest cruise March 3. I was going to ask for your help on Facebook but I didn’t want her to see my post.

  116. Lawrence Shadeed says:

    Hi John, going on the Breeze this April 7 out of Miami (sailed on the Breeze last Sept. in Europe, loved it). The CD schedule does not show who will be the CD on that cruise? Can you let us know. Hoping it would be you and Calvyn.

  117. Michael S. Plummer says:

    Hi John, my wife, Eileene, and just had the best cruise ever……Bloggers Cruise 6.
    It was an absolute pleasure meeting you, Calvin, Ken, Pierre, The Carnival Breeze CD, ACD, Staff, along with fellow Bloggers. We are looking forward to BC7.

  118. Russ Groman says:

    John, I have a concern over rates. We booked the South America sailing Feb 20, 2013 from Valparaiso – Buenos Aires back in August 2012. We paid $3817 for a 8A – 8F balcony. Since final payment time, the rate has dropped $1000 and I find out there is NO price protection on PAST GUEST rates anymore, only early or super saver rates. Why not? We are diamond cruisers. It seems there should be some benefit for cruisers like us, and those that book 3 weeks out from sailing should pay a higher rate, but it appears to fill cabins, they lower prices. I could not have waited until NOW to book this trip for many reasons, one being getting time off work in advance approved among other things. So someone could get a booking 3 weeks out and pay $2717 for the same thing I did 5-6 months ago. Not really a fair deal for FREQUENT cruisers who plan in advance. I would have liked to save that $1000 I work hard for but I think I do the right thing planning in advance. I cannot book 3 weeks out for a cruise to get these “cheap rates”. We love Carnival but this has really been unbelieveable seeing these rates drop. Our friends going with us, have an inside cabin, they paid $2547 or so for, now they COULD upgrade to a balcony for less than what WE PAID for. I think its a bit unfair. I am in travel business and the usual thing is that rates are MORE closer in than lower. We did send correspondence to Guest relations and I put on your facebook page but too much garbage was coming back on it from peopl ewho DID NOT understand.

    • Alex Aguilar says:

      Russ, you should send a message to them or post on Facebook. That is not very fair for Carnival to not offer any price protection. When I booked with Carnival my rep told me I would be allowed an upgrade or one price improvement if I saw the cabin listed on Carnival or another website for less money. Seems like they should honor that.

    • Debbie Caughlin says:

      The same thing happened to us for our European cruise in June. We booked in November, checked prices a few weeks ago and the price had been reduced over $600 per cabin. I called, emailed, sent John a message, but got no resolution. We are Platinum cruisers. I was offered an upgrade, which they did when I specifically said I did not want one (we are already on Empress), because we have adjoining cabins/balconies with friends. Our cabins were then reassigned to different locations on the ship. Luckily, we were able to retrieve the original cabins. I think that being punished for booking early, especially when you are a Platinum or Diamond cruiser, is ridiculous! This may be my last Carnival cruise!

  119. Doug says:

    Hi John,
    I am trying to get a high-res shot of Steve Cassel and I see on your site here that you have a nice shot of him with the turtle. Would it be possible to get a high-res copy of that shot? Thanks!

  120. Rod Evans says:

    John, God day and thanks for all that you do to keep us up with everything Carnival. I’m writing this getting ready for our families first cruise. (Me and the wife first was 11-11 on Valor) We had a great time and now we are taking the 3 kids on spring break 3-4 on the Victory. I just wanted to say Thanks for all the positive energy and humor in your post and the fun that you share. You provide a great service to us and Carnival. With all that has gone on in the past week I just wanted to say THANKS!

  121. Elizabeth says:

    I wish that I could have Spotted Dick on my May 25 birthday cruise on the Triumph. I don’t think that I can make it because I can’t handle metric recipes.

  122. omarbenfekih says:


  123. cindy says:

    I would just like to say now that all these problems have happened. And i’m sure they will be addressed maybe you can look into your help as well have cruised many lines and carnival 3 of the last recent and I have to say that the staff on the lido deck and bar staff as well as desk help are anything but pleasant. I was flabbergasted with the service in these area’s I have not been back on carnival since. Our waiter was wonderful and cabin steward was great but everyone else needs as much over haul as the engines.

  124. Jewels of da sea says:

    Hello John,
    I just want to thank you for arranging our friends to dine with us and the round table with the ocean view. You really made our cruise a lot of fun at dinner time.
    Thanks for the goodies u sent to my room & the nice note. We loved the Freedom! Thanks again for all you do for us cruisers.
    Love ya! Take Care!
    Jewels of Da Sea

  125. Barb C. says:

    Hi John!

    I wrote to you awhile back and thought I’d send my question again. If you’ve already answered, I must have missed it… sorry!

    My group of about 10-12 will be aboard the Conquest in October and are looking forward to another wonderful Carnival experience.

    Although this will be my fourth cruise aboard Carnival’s ships, one thing has changed since my previous three cruises. I am Vegan. I do not consume any meat or dairy products. My question is this:

    Is it possible to request meat/dairy-free entrees in the MDR without having to subsist on steamed veggies and fruit plates all week? If not, am I allowed to bring my own food to the dining room? If I could at least bring my own vegan condiments, such as buttery spreads, that would be great.

    Please let me know how I should plan for this.

    I appreciate your time! Thanks!

  126. Ivy says:

    A short comment… Did you know that Megan Fox has funky thumbs. A little ways back, I was reading an article and it was mentioned. Thought I’d share. Hope you don’t have to search for a new celebrity crush….

    I have something else I’d like to add but I’m not allowed as you said it should be related to above.

    Hope to see you on the cruise!

  127. Ron Whetsten says:

    John, sorry to use this comment section, but I’m out of ideas. I have been wanting to ask a question but for the life of me I can’t find your “ask John tab” anywhere on your blog or any other page for that matter. HELP!!!

  128. dylan says:

    hey john
    its me again. Dylan wright, I talked to you a while ago about the 7 day out of jaxport to grand turk on the fascination on 5/11/13
    I asked if you could help me ask my girlfriend to marry told me to contact you a week befor we sail. its two weks before but I thought I would just do it now.
    pretty much what I want to do is get pulled on stage at the welcome aboard show to ask her…ive got a letter typed up telling her and I to answer questions about the ship and we can “win a prize”..and that the winner will be announced at the show.
    what I need from you is to have somewhere and someone for me to”turn in the answers” to, and the host of the welcome aboard show to call annathea and I up to the stage, have me go back stage to sign some stuff while she reads the answers aloud and then host says ok are you ready for the last question? its a yes or no answer…just turn around, and ill be on one knee etc etc
    can you still help me out?

  129. Kathleen says:

    Good Morning John. My husband and I are taking our 14 yr old twin granddaughters on their first cruise June 6th. It is only a 3 day, hopefully they will be hooked, just as I am lol. Just wondering if Circle C on the Sensation will be offering any excursions for their age group? I want this to be memorable for the girls. Thanks in advance for any advice.

  130. Susan says:

    1st of all I want to say Thank you so much for making our 30th Wedding Anniversary so special! We sailed on the Legend out of Venice Italy May 4th and had the time of our Lives. If you remember this was our 13th cruise all with Carnival and all done in 5years!!!
    You sent us Champange – Choc. covered Strawberries and our Ship on a Stick!!
    Thank you Thank you so very MUCH !!
    Very Special Memories were made.
    2nd of all 😉
    Brian is writing a Review on how wonderful our experience was on (Cruise Critic) I will be happy to send you the link if you like. Let me know if you would like it or not.

    Thank you so much again and do know we have our 14th Cruise booked and paid for Nov. 4th 2013 on the Carnival Ecstasy!! Only 166 days to go 🙂

    Ciao Susan Marie Fey

  131. John,
    We were on the Breeze transatlantic in November 2012, when a large lady knocked you over, that had to hurt? We will be on the Sunshine back to back (Venice to Barcelona to New Orleans) in October & November 2013, Will you be on the Sunshine at that time?

  132. rick and rita says:

    We just returned from a recent cruise on May 16th, on Carnival Ecstasy. It was my 30th and my beautiful wife of 33 years, 32nd cruise. I have to say without a doubt, it as the best dining room experience we have had. We were at table 383, Wind song Dining room, Early Dining. Needless to say after all these Carnival cruises, to have this experience on a 4 day short getaway, was Fantastic! Our headwaiter, Paulbert was from Jamacia, but I ‘d have bet you he was from England. He had a strong British accent, more so than you. We sailed twice with you, one on the Glory and then on the Dream.
    Our assistant waiters, Ywamanand Henry, never let us run out of anything, from rolls to wine. I mentioned to Josie, our Maitrede`, about the excellent staff we had, but if you could pass it on also, I would greatly appreciate it, as they deserve the “atta-a-boy!”
    I would also like to mention our casino host. He did a great job ans also should be commended. He always came by to talk to us, myself at the tables and my wife at the slots. He went out of his way to make our time losing money – GREAT! Ha! HA!
    We would also like to mention one of the lido staff that went above and beyond for us. His name was Dorwin and he was a ball of energy.
    We will be sailing on the Breeze on July 25th – 8 day and the Paradise on Nov. 7th. Would love to see you again and smoke another cigar with you. Getting real, real, close to diamond, could use any help you could give us. Three cruises we were diamond and with the change, we were demoted so to say. If possible, please forward this to Maitre’d Josie, so he knows we were serious about his excellent staff.
    Thanks for another great cruise.
    Rick and Rita Harris

  133. Cathy Paquette says:

    woot!woot! We are coming on our honeymoon! Feb 1, 2015 Carnival Conquest, Eastern Caribbean. We booked and paid for our trip this past weekend and our best man and matron of honour booked with us. We can’t wait. Unfortunately we couldn’t afford to have our wedding with Carnival at Half Moon Cay but we are definitely going to celebrate in style after. And I will be celebrating graduation as well (hopefully..LOL). We are sooooo excited!

  134. Bei Li says:

    Dear John,

    I booked CARNIVAL SUNSHINE 09/AUG/2013 for 9 days Europe Itinerary. I’d like join “Chef’s Table” program with my son Edward Cheng. Could you please sign us in? We’re going to have a special VIP experience. We’re so exciting,and looking forward to treating our taste buds to the experience of a lifetime.

  135. Maria C. Flores says:

    I am planning a family vacation for summer 2014. With 3 kids in college, I need to be prepared for any extra expense. I would like to know where I can find the prices of the extra such as the spa ect. (this will be our visit family trip in 13 years)
    Thank you

  136. Maria C. Flores says:

    John another question, I am unsure how to select stateroom (its asking about deck). We have never been on a ship and I do not like rooms to closed in. But I would like to stay on a budget. Can you give me any recommendations on the what would be the best stateroom for a first time traveler.

    • Russ says:

      What extras are you looking for? What ship are you on? Because depending on that, extras such as STEAKHOUSE, CUCINA DEL CAPITANO restaurants, CHEFS TABLE are some REALLY GOOD extras. Steakhouse is $35 pp, If you are on a newer ship, Magic, Breeze, Sunshine, Cucina Del Capitano is $12pp. Chefs table is a specialty for $75 but is a great experience. The ocean view cabins are best for ample space. How many are in 1 cabin? You mentioned family vacation. Balconies are about the same space. As far as your other question, most of the spa prices are at the spa on the ship, although pricey, you would want to check that out when you board by just getting a pricing sheet from them at their lobby.

  137. Sondra says:

    Who is “H82SEAUGO”??? I’ve been wondering that forever.

  138. claea Jaeck says:

    When will Carnival come out with brochures?

  139. Rona says:

    I was truly inspired by your story about
    I Komang. Some of us don’t think about the wonderful staff on Carnival that work so hard to make every nook and cranny look so clean, serves us awesome food and beverages, entertaining us, etc. So many serving us in different capacities. I will make an effort to get to know one of those hard working miracle workers that clean up after my husband, daughter and myself. I want to make a new friend on Sunshine Feb 9th. Thank you John. See you then.

    • Carolyn Dickerson says:

      I agree with you Rona 100%..we have never been on Carnival and had anything less than great crew members…..We enjoy chatting with the staff and yes, some are hard to understand, but so are the ‘youth’ of today…lol…..We will be on the Sunshine the last week in January….Counting the days….Carolyn & Jim Dickerson

  140. frances tomasi says:

    hi John, My husband Kevin and I have cruised on Carnival about 40-45 times over the past 20 some years and we met you a long time ago. We remember when you and Heidi got married, so how come they say we are not past guests we were platinum cruisers up till 3 yrs ago when Kevin had a stroke and we could not travel and now we want to cruise again, do we lose all the past benefits we earned over the past 20 odd years, Please let me know cause we are looking to book for November, Thanks Fran and Kevin Tomasi

    • frances tomasi says:

      Hi John, I think I might have deleted my last message so here I go again, My husband Kevin and I have cruised in Carnival probably40-45 times over the past 20 some years , we met you a long long time ago, even before you and Heidi were married, I am wondering why we are not considered past cruisers when we were platinum cruisers 3 yrs ago, we haven’t cruised because Kevin had a stroke and was unable to go, but now we want to cruise again and are looking to November, do we lose all the past cruiser benefits we had because we haven’t cruised in 3 yrs. Please let me know, Thanks Fran and Kevin Tomasi

  141. Megan says:

    What is FFS?

  142. mark wisner says:

    John, I liked your Facebook updates to a point. Recently you seemed to have gone Facebook crazy. I would see 4 or 5 updates a day. Sorry but I had to un-like you so my news feed would not be overtaken by your posts. I will consider liking you again when you appear to have gotten you Facebook obsession under control. Maybe one post a day with links to content rather than a post for each thing would be a little more consumable.

  143. Chris & Mary V. says:

    Hi John, You don’t remember us, but you are the best Cruise Director. You are funny!! We sailed with you April 28th on Valor starting from Barcelona. Although Air Berlin lost our luggage, it was the best cruise ever. I was the guy who’s wife you asked what kind of animal am I. A bear. A bear with no hair. You also said me and another bald guy should put our bald heads together and make an ass.We will take cruses in the future base on if you’re on the ship

  144. larry says:

    Hi John
    We have cruise with Carnival 8 times. So far we have had excellent cruises. One on the Freedom with You and Ken Bryne Matre De our favourite We know changes is a constant. Changes in entertainment and bands are not so great .However we discovered the Repositioning cruise on the Carnival Splendor on Nov 1 with a great itinerary and new ports to boot Great . it’s a keeper . from San Juan to Miami Couldn’t ask for better. We’re back
    kruise runner

  145. Randy Smith says:

    Good Morning, John!!! It’s a beautifl morning at sea on the Carnival Miracle! Dianr and I have decided that that a 15-nighter each just the right length for a Fun Ship Cruise! Today is Day 8, and normally the nice folks here on a Fun Ship make us leave today (or yesterday)! We are overjoyed to have another week of our cruise remaining, instead of eating our final breakfast in the MDR this morning and having to leave our “home” ib Cabin 4217! We have avoided (somewhat) the middle of the cruise depression that normally occurs when your cruise is winding down by booking two more cruises for later this year. Having 3-4 booked ahead of time always makes an addict (Yes, I know I’m addicted) feel a bit better! Well, I need to go get ready for breakfast in the MDR and our excursion to Waimea Canyon! Cheers, Mate!

  146. Judy Harruson says:

    John, I am so sorry for your loss. In a way I know what your mother is going through. My late Hubby passed away December 3, 2012. We were married 43 1/2 years and for 10 1/2 of those years I took care of him. He dearly love to cruise with Carnival. Last May while on the Magic would have been our 44th anniversary and it hurt that he was not there beside me BUT he was there in my heart. So glad you are back and I will be sailing on the Magic August 10th and counting the days.

  147. Randy Smith says:

    Good Morning, John! Although I sent you a card via Mischelle and posted on your FB Page, I want to send you my condolences an dprayers one more time. I hope you are feeling a bit better by now, my friend. On a different note, I was walking across the Lido Deck this morning where another chap was enjoying a cigar. Another thing I’ll miss next month on the Bloggers Cruise is “Cigars Under the Stars” with you and Calvyn. We’ll be sure not to book a winter cruise for early 2015 until you post the dates for BC8. I also want to pass a Kudo or two along to you for Adrienn who works nights at the Purser’s Desk here on the Miracle. She is always warm and friendly when I stop by for my OWN Carnival Caper (Fun Times) at 6:00 A.M. since Diane claims the one in our cabin Adrienn starts my day off great all the time. The folks on a Fun Ship are always so wonderful, but she’s exceptionally so!

  148. Barry L. Pepper says:

    Dear sir: we have travel with carnival twice in the past 2003 aboard the conquest and in 2103 aboard the Magic wonderful cruise now we have book before feb 28 2014 on the triumph and did not receive or on board discount that where describe in the flyer sent in the mail or the discount for family cruise please reply thank you Barry L. Pepper

  149. Marsha Rozell says:

    Dear John,
    Please Respond,

    First, I love your blog! MY husband and I will be sailing the fascination on March 17, U222 (A Balcony!!), and will be celebrating my birthday and my husband leaving for the military. We have two kids under five so this is a huge deal! My question is, what is the best thing for us to do onboard or in port ( we will visit nassau and little stirrup cay) to celebrate this special time in our life?

  150. asophieyou says:

    Hi John!

    Your blog is amazing and I’m reading it cover to cover due to ultimate bored-ness (I’m on the Carnival Miracle right now). Just a suggestion: Carnival should offer more free sites on the ship, like Google, Bing, Gmail, Outlook, or anything that might be critical to guests. I find the wireless plans very expensive and would like to see more free sites (like I have listed above). Thanks. 🙂

    • Parker says:

      I agree, but people could go ANYWHERE they wanted to go if they could search up stuff on Google or Bing. Think of it like a road that could connect the continents. Good idea, but there are a lot of people who could take advantage of that. (Raises hand) Like me.

  151. Mark says:

    We have approximately 100 people from our Cruise Critic group meeting at the Poseidon Bar on the Carnival Valor at 10:00PM on March 23rd. I called Carnival and the pointed me to the special needs number. I left a message and never heard back. I just wanted to give them a heads up so the bartender does not jump overboard when we all show up. If there is a better place we should meet, we are open for suggestions.

  152. HAPPY ENDING says:

    U DA MAN

  153. Linda Cochran-Lay says:

    Hello from the Carnival Magic – sitting peacefully in the Gulf of Mexico initially due to fog but currently awaiting word on the closed Port of Galveston due to reported oil spill in Galveston. The crew is wonderful in keeping us current on any news while feeding and entertaining us well. Thanks Carnival for always doing all you can to take care of us!!!

  154. Parker says:

    Couldnt some one buy a cheap WiFi hotspot from Best Buy and not have to pay for the FunHub fees in the internet cafe?
    (I’m not doing this)But just telling you that you should keep that in mind.


  155. linda cook says:

    what do you think of the four Spanish Ibero cruise ships that Costa have purchased and what do you of actual cruises are they value for money. John please make a comment

    • linda cook says:

      Dear John,
      I wish to join your blog but I do not like giving my card number on line, is there any other way I can pay.
      Just to make you aware Michael Rohr who used to be Director of Guest experience on Aida Cruises and is now working for Ibero is leaving the organization, what a shame he is so good at his job. If I manage to join I will tell you the storey on how I met him.

  156. linda cook says:

    what do you think of the four Spanish Ibero cruise ships that Costa have purchased and what do you actual think of the cruises are they value for money. John please make a comment

  157. linda cook says:

    John, what do you think of the four Spanish Ibero ships that Costa has purchased and what are the cruises like

  158. careen says:

    FFS John?? Love your Posts and blogs!!

  159. Christina Spencer says:

    Hi John!

    My husband and I were married while at port in St Thomas just this past April while cruising onboard Liberty. Our wedding hostess was extremely negligent and not at all helpful. We were made to feel we were an inconvenience due to my father being in a wheelchair as well. This was disheartening as we always have only positive things to say about our cruises and Carnivals staff. I shared my dilemma with the wedding department once back home and the response I received was less than satisfactory. There wasn’t even an offer as simple as a free drink on our next cruise…

    Regardless, we’ve decided to take another chance on Carnival and will sail on the Glory July 5th for our honeymoon. We are typically very low maintenance, easy-going people. However, after the expense of our Carnival wedding and the fact that we brought along an additional 9 staterooms worth of passengers, I think an upgrade would be a nice way to compensate us for the strife endured on our wedding day (and the days leading up to it). I contacted the wedding department in reference to this 2 weeks ago and no one has replied to date. We booked an ocean view thanks to the generosity of our friends and family but would find it more enjoyable and relaxing (it is after all our honeymoon) to take in the scenery from a balcony. Any advice? Thanks 🙂

  160. Tracy says:

    We are going on the carival victory in August on the 23rd do you know anything our ship intenerary.

  161. James Eager says:

    I had a question on June 11 and you forwarded it to someone for a response. No response yet. So, I will make my question easier to figure out and maybe someone can answer it this time.

    For destination Aruba, the Scuba dive tour states, participants are limtied to 350 lbs. Then it states only gear to size XL is available.

    Are they limiting guests based upon weight, or on the limits of their gear? I would like to take this tour, but am about 20 lbs over the limit. However, I have all my own gear to bring (Except tanks, which are one size fits all). So, are they going to refuse service, or not? I need to know as it will effect which cruise I choose next. (My wife and I are Gold, my father and Step mother Platinum)

    All other destinations Carnival serves do not have this strange wording, so I am curious/cautious.

    I have heard from a second source now, Sand Dollar (Your Scuba / snorkel tour operator in Cozumel) is not a safe group to go with. Please, for everyone’s safety, find someone else. I reported several times to Carnival as a witness to a dive accident that occured to a Carnival pasenger when I went out with them. I have yet to receive even an acknowledgement of the letter I sent. I was a witness, not the victim, so I was giving you the facts for any investigation you might be forced to undertake. The passenger injured ended up in the hospital. The only witnesses were the boat crew, the victim and the victim’s husband, besides myself.

  162. Bunny LaMere says:

    Hi John,
    I am so excited to be going on my first cruise on December 1, 2014. Me and 17 of my senior friends are having 3 birthday parties on Carnival Triumph’s 5 day Caribbean cruise. We only have another 131 days to wait. The waiting is SOOOOO hard.
    Your blog and talk are so great.

  163. Lolly G says:

    I recently called Carnival for questions my family had on rooms and balconies. We love connecting balconies to share our mornings sipping coffee and just enjoying the gorgeous sunrise and sunsets. Well my customer Care representative..Peter Hoofat (82973) met my every need and questions to help us find exactly the rooms we are looking for. Can’t wait to book our next cruise….Thanks Peter!!

  164. George Brust says:

    Would you be so kind as to reassign Ken Byrnes the singing Maitre’D to the January 31, 2015 sailing of the Breeze out of Miami. I know you have incredible influence with Carnival and we have sailed with Ken several times before and do so much miss his level of professionalism and crooning. Thank you John. Bye the bye, you were our very first Cruise Director on our first carnival cruise. That was on the Triumph in 2004…perhaps you could join us also on the cruise along with Ken.

  165. BOBBY RECARD says:

    going on the sunshine In 4 weeks has anyone been on it ? like to hear form someone .

  166. Martin says:

    Hello John, I was wondering if theres anyway I could book my son and his friend a room, there both 15 years old and pretty much smart enough to handle themselves. My own son has been on 7 cruises and this will be his 8th. So again question is Can i book my son a room for him and his friend?

  167. Diane says:

    What is FFS?

    Love your blog, we sailed with you on the Legend last May to the Mediterranean had a wonderful time.

    We are sailing again on the Splendor Oct. 4, Malcolm Burns has big shoes to fill!

  168. Jacqueline Perry says:

    Would carnival please bring back those nice post cards of the ship that was Free at the information desk.

  169. Jim Jones says:

    Just got off a seven day cruise on the Glory. Dr. E and his staff were awesome. The whole experience from the waiters, the food in the Platinum dinning room, our room steward, was all great. Cant wait until the next one.

  170. Ric Houser says:

    We are having blast with Mike on the Conquests.

  171. chubbykidonaraft says:

    i own a rainbow pony its not a rainbow coloured horse its a rainbow pony. ily!

  172. Bob says:

    Great time, on the cruise. 5 wonderful days. If there is one complaint it would be that the cost of the wifi on the ship. After the cost of the trip and everything else. It is high when you need to contact the U.S for personal reasons. Just a Idea maybe include wifi in the cost of the cruise as a option

  173. Steven Johnson says:

    Just got home from another great Carnival cruise, this tiime on the Victory. Have to say it was a great Halloween cruise! Shout out to our steward Harry, the best one ever! Jose and Assadee made the dining room a happy place! Also, the Black and Red seas bar was a great place to enjoy a stogie and whiskey with the two most delightful bartenders on the ship, Kathy and Zoricka, they made it a nightly must -stop. The only sour note was a miscommunication if photo IDs were needed in Nassau which caused a little dust up between myself and tne shore guard upon returning to the ship.But none of that spoiled my cruise! Thanks again to the staff of the Victory, especially the ones mentioned!

  174. Doug Hinks says:

    Hi John

    Sailed with you on the Holiday back in march 17,1990, I believe you where the CD, or was it the celebration in 1991, or the ecstasy in 93 when we did back to back on that ship, I’m still a Carnival cruiser, sailing on the sunshine February 7th, also will be on the breeze April 25 (this will be my third time on the breeze) just got off the Valor in October, the dream last February, funny looking at videos of you 25 years ago



  175. Gail says:

    We are sailing FEb 2nd do you have a site for the FUNTIMES I can look at ahead of time?

  176. John Wilson says:

    Hey John….Susan and are packing for our next Carnival Cruise. I wanted to thank Carnival for listening to the feedback about more itineraries for Galveston. We are Diamond now and these great trips out of Galveston make it so much easier. Leaving next Monday on the Triumph for a 12 day. We are down to counting the days till we leave. Can you tell us who the Cruise Director will be. Thanks…John & Susan from Frisco, Texas

  177. Mary Adams says:

    Just got off the dream with my hubby and 1 year old… Please please please put highchairs in the lido buffet I was told several times by several people I had to go to deck 11 to get one.. This basically kept us from eating at the Buffet area at all really made it difficult for us to enjoy the different eating options.

  178. Delmer Thompson says:

    John, I read your facebook page everyday and I still donot know how to go to your fbpage so I am writing you here. I have been seeing more and more whines, grips and plain bs. Do you think you could designate one day a week to just the good things that people have to say about Carnival, you, staff, other passengers and ports? What ever day you choose you could call it Marvalous Monday, terrific Tuesday, Wonderful Wednesday, to good Thursday, or Field Day Friday. or something else. I don’t care. But I just know I would like some time just hearing about the good, not the bad or ugly. Thanks and God Bless. Delmer

  179. Bob Suhrheinrich says:

    Someone posted on FB the Carnival Miracle was coming to us here in Tampa. Where did that person get that information, and, is it so?

  180. Cathy Dawe says:

    FYI: there are two Montana’s on the Legend Cruise. Room 6190.

  181. Diane Hall says:

    I must know…what does FFS stand for? I’m sure it’s something just hilarious!


  182. Harold Altman says:

    We seen your no bottled water carry-on and that is a problem… My wife has a medical problem which requires her to drink PURIFIED water which we have always carried aboard. Now we are being told that will no longer be possible, even with a note from her doctor…that is the same as saying we can not bring our medications aboard…on our last two cruises, back-to-back 13 days we ran out of water and the people in the guest services did NOT even know there was such water as “Purified.” (I had offered to purchase more water) Eventually, the statesroom attendant found us one bottle, which barely was enough for her, as she drinks two bottles per day… thank God we were on the final day of the voyage… This is a real problem and if it is not fixed for us this will be our last cruise with Carnival Cruise Line…There must be some compromise made here…what is it?

  183. Dear John,
    This is concerning cruise itineraries out of Galveston, Texas. I am 15 years old and addicted to cruising with Carnival, we probably go on a cruise every 3 months, however I find myself going on the same cruise over and over again. I guess what I’m trying to say Galveston does not have many itineraries to chose from. Out of Galveston you can cruise to Cozumel, Progresso, Belize, Honduras, Freeport and Nassau, Key West, And Montego Bay, although that may seem like a lot there is only three different itineraries to choose from. I am asking for Carnival to give Glaveston more ports to chose from, and also the 10-13 day journey cruises which we do have but during school months, so they are limited to children and some adults. As from a teenagers point of view which I understand you have quite a few of young adult cruisers that would enjoy more Ports of call, for example Grand Turk, San Juan, St. Thomas, Aruba, Curaco, Panama, Bermuda, Half Moon Cay, St. Maarten etc. I hope you read this and understand that cruisers out of Galveston would love to have more destinations.
    Thank you for your time

  184. Janice Harris says:

    I have seen you use FFS many times and don’t know what it stands for. I have googled it and gotten many variations, can you enlighten me?
    Thank you for all you do for us.

  185. Marianne Gilmore says:

    Anxiously awaiting the announcement of the CD for the Miracle going to Hawaii on 10/17/15 Have you made a decision yet?

  186. Carol O says:

    I want to be on whatever Carnival ship is sailing to Cuba in 2016. I hope you will keep us informed about Carnival’s 2016 Cuba sailings
    Thanks for all that you do!

  187. Gray Meyer says:


    We live only a few miles from the port of Galveston so we’re very pleased that Carnival has made Galveston one of their major home ports. One of your sister companies, Princess, is also cruising out of the port of Houston just up the road. My question is has Carnival Corp. ever discussed creating a Super VIFP club between all the Carnival Corp. lines? We’d like to try some of the other lines but are hooked on the VIFP & casino offers we receive for Carnival only.

  188. John Chmielewski says:


    This is a gentle reply to the person who complained about the lack of gluten-free items on the ship. My wife is stricken with Celiac Disease we get it noted on our reservation. Every evening at dinner, the dietician/hostess on board comes to our table and lets Beverly pick what she wants for tomorrow’s breakfast, lunch and dinner. Breakfast is prepared for her with GF breads and toast. The other meals are the same with wheat-free rolls and breads. We have been on 21 Carnival cruises, including crossing the pond with you on the Legend, and have crossed paths with these lovely ladies who take care of my wife’s GF regime and many are considered friends. One of the girls even gave her the recipes for their seven GF breads so we could make them at home. Please publish this so that others will be aware of Carnival’s caring program for those afflicted with Celiac disease. Just mention it when you reserve and the first night that you dine in a main dining room, the dietician will come over and set you up for the cruise. When you give your cabin number, it triggers a note about the special diet. One other benefit, I get to see the regular evening menu a day before everybody else! If you graze at the buffet you are on your own, BUT they will make you a GF pizza at Pirate Pizza, which my wife said is quite good for GF. We have had good service on other cruise lines but Carnival’s hostess crew can’t be beat.

  189. Mary Yurewitch says:

    Hi John,

    I have to start off by telling you how much I have enjoyed my cruises on Carnival, my most recent one being the July 4th cruise on the Conquest. I have never enjoyed a cruise as much as I did on this 8 day voyage. I know that it was because of both the people that my sister and I met (via the Facebook page specific to this cruise and others that we met during the cruise) and the wonderful Carnival employees who spoiled us all and made this cruise extra special and fun. I didn’t want to get off the boat when we docked back in a Fort Lauderdale. My sister and I took part in many of the activities, both together and alone, and we had such a great time! I do have one comment and suggestion for you, however. While my sister is a happily married woman, I, myself, am (somewhat, lol) happily single. The single meet and greets that are scheduled (almost daily if my memory serves) are not very good. To be honest, I don’t think anyone really shows. Could Carnival do something to better organize a singles meet and greet? Maybe make a fun activity or game out of it? I think that if the meet and greets, especially in the first day or two of so cruise, were a more organized, fun, and planned event, the turnout would be so much better. I know that I am not the only single person to go on a cruise and maybe other people would enjoy something like that. I was talking with some people that I meg on board and we were bouncing ideas around ANC someone suggested a type of dating game show with a “prize” of dinner for 2 at one of the specialty restaurants in board. I just think that something more fun and organized would really help other singles meet each other. This was just a thought I (and some others) had that I thought you might like to hear. I love Carnival and can’t wait for my next cruise vacation! Thanks for all the hard work that you and everyone else both behind the scenes and on the front line do to make the most memorable experiences for all of your guests. We truly do appreciate it!


    Mary Yurewitch

  190. Bonnie Kame says:

    Can you please tell me what the internet packages for the Magic is? I was told it’s going to change in August sometime..Thanks

  191. Ray Stickler says:

    OK John – I’ve heard the phrase “sod off” many times. Translation please?

  192. Michael DeVilbiss says:

    sailing on the Sunshine this weekend and Vista in 2016. John with new carry on guidelines – I have a non carbonated drink I always bring with, that I cannot purchase on the ships. It is called Nuero Sleep… and tangerine flavored beverage that aids in a restful sleep. If we are unable to carry it onboard any longer – how can I request the ship have it available in their stores or even through special shipment directly from the manufacturer. Without it, my travels will be very difficult, as it along with my prescription sleep aid work together to help put me to a sleep I would not get without. Is their any way to have it on board?

  193. sharon evans says:

    You are the best!

  194. suzanne stivason says:

    hello john, My hubby and I love carnival,We are going on the BREEZE Nov1st for my 62nd birthday,We had wonderful times on all of the ships we have been, We are looking forward to the cruise,My hubby has been very stressed at his work,So he needs to relax,Can’t wait to go.Enjoy reading your facebook page keep up the good work suzanne stivason

  195. James Smith says:

    Hey John. I love cruising with carnival. The only thing I would change is that I wish the hot tubs and pools were open all night. I understand the need for cleaning but it would be nice to have one open all night. I don’t even know if this is something that can be done but I sure hope so.

    James smith

  196. Geof Schwer says:

    John, I’ve heard (read?) you say, “Oh, FFS” many times, but am still not sure exactly what it stands for. I can guess but maybe your version is better!
    Geof Schwer

  197. Georgie Marino says:

    Hi John, I don’t know if I’m crazy, but I have not been able to access any actual “responses” from you to any of the questions for months and months. It’s driving me crazy. Are you NOT RESPONDING TO ANY QUESTIONS ANY LONGER? IS YOUR BLOG NO LONGER ACTIVE?

  198. John Melvin says:

    Well I just spent a good part of my morning catching up on your blog, which is always informative and entertaining. My son and I started cruising with Carnival a few years ago and now our two cruises a year (Xmas & summer) are life’s high points. I have a couple of comments/questions.
    Comment 1: In light of one of your blog comments, I just want to praise Carnival Security. I had an incident on a recent cruise when a drunk passenger took my teenage son’s camera, started snapping pictures then dropped and broke it. My son came and got me and I very diplomatically confronted the passenger. I never called security but when the passenger got loud security quickly appeared out of nowhere, very professionally and efficiently took control of the situation. All was resolved within a few minutes. I have nothing but praise for Carnival’s security forces and now know, although you may not see them much, they are there, able and prepared to handle situations that get out of control.
    Comment 2: “it is just me and my son”. And my birthday (12/23) always occurs while we are cruising. This year we will be on the Sunshine then. On one cruise Carnival had champagne (or sparkling wine) for me from the CD. That really made my day special and my son who was so happy his dad got a little extra attention on his birthday. Maybe it will happen again.?.

  199. Pingback: Cruise Pooping In Bags | book - sunrise cruise travel

  200. Cynthia Wiley says:

    John, I sailed on the Carnival Facination on Nov 2,2015. I sailed with a church group from Sumter South Carolina. I have sailed with Carnival several times. I am a U.S. Air Force Disabled Veteran who uses a wheel chair. I always request a handicap accessible suite with a balcony from the travel agents. Although I did not personally speak to the travel agent I confirmed that I did have a handicap room and was told that maybe I would not be able to get the balcony which was understandable What I got was far from either handicap or balcony I could barely get my wheelchair into the room; I travel with both an electric & a push wheelchair. I immediatly went to the customer service desk and requested another room; I was told that the ship was completely booked and there were no other rooms available. I asked if this room was considered handicap, it did have a handicap shower but that was it. I was told it was considered a partially handicap room. Which was insulting. I am very versed with the Americans with Disabilites Act, and I have never heard of the term “Partially Handicap”. The shower was handicap but their was not enough room to turn a chair around to get into it. I had to stack tables in the room just to have space. The room only had one plug at the lite above the head of the bed. If plugged the chair in I could not get out of the bed. I asked customer service to get someone to come to my room with an extension cord and some tape to stop me from having an accident. This was done after prodding the staff. This was the worst cruise I have ever been on. Please advise sales agents that these rooms are NOT handicap and change your documents as there was no mention of Partially Handicap. Staff did not try to see if a person who only used a Cain would be willing to switch rooms, as I was willing to pay the difference. They blew me off, the 1st staff member (I think her name was Rachel was very professional) and understood but the supervisors could have cared less. I really felt that something should/could have been done to make my trip enjoyable. On a different note the Chateau Brieon was terrible the cut of meat was tuff and worse than chewing hard bubble gum. I realize that there were a lot of 1st time cruisers on this ship and I am glad that it was not my 1st cruise because I was not impressed at all. If this were my 1st I would have probably never cruised again. I got your name from several women whom have cruised several times before like myself and they could tell my dissatisfaction. Other than my concerns the staff were very friendly and pleasant. Really enjoyed the Motown review. Sorry I did not meet you but I did see you. I wish my responses could have been different. Please respond to me as I would like to hear your remedy for this bad situation Thank you.

  201. Mike Beach says:

    OK I am contemplating the Aston Martin DBS / Free Cruise offer. Are they of equal dollar value? What does the asterix mean? Instead of Latvian can I interest you in a French Canadian one? She is pretty good at the “rumpy-pumpiers”

  202. Penny says:

    I like your Barney song. My son came up with one

    “I love you,you love me, Lets hang barney from a tree, shoot him in the head with a 44, no more purple dinosaur

  203. Jason D. says:

    Thank you John for sending champagne and chocolate strawberries to my stateroom for my bday on the imagination from March 10-13! The whole Carnival Staff made this b-day cruise really memorable! I love CCL!!!

  204. Jon Delgado says:

    Is there an update rollout schedule for the Carnival Hub implementation? Getting ready to sail on the Dream and would love to try it.

    Cheers mate

  205. Hi John. I’ve tried to write back to you on the ” Ask John ” many times but no one ever comments back to me so I’ll try on this one. What’s going on with your blog. It seems to me that you’ve given up with your blog. If so cancel it but don’t leave it hanging. The last time was December 3rd 2015 and today March 24th the day before Good Friday. Way back in 2007 when you started your blog I was one of the people who stated reading it and meeting you late on the Valor, the Dream and the Breeze. I was so excited to have met you. Why have you left us bloggers in a lurch. If you don’t have enough time for us, please just drop the blog. I’m not on facebook so I don’t have the chance to read your writings. I miss your writings.
    I wish I was given a comment back from you and just that comment from ” Ask John ” I get, thanks mate and that’s about it. It’s probably not even you who is reading us anymore. Just a but people who really don’t even care.

    Paul F. Pietrangelo

  206. Brenda Lockett says:

    Why am I hearing so many complaints about the Liberty? This will be my next cruise and am looking forward to it.

  207. Jeffrey Rotz says:

    John, quick question about VIFP. Why does Carnival not credit cruises on other Carnival owned lines. I am looking at a European Cruise late Fall early December. I may end up on RCCL because of cruise credit, thanks John

  208. Latisha says:

    HELP! When we booked our cruise on the Dream last month FTTF was already sold out. 🙁 I have been checking every single day since we booked, and it hasn’t opened up yet. I would love to see some availability for FTTF. I’ll be traveling with my active duty military husband and I’d really like to maximize our time by being able to get FTTF. Thanks for your help with this.

  209. John Blackburn says:

    Is there anywhere that a friend could but a Carnival plate, fork, knife and spoon for a friend’s upcoming wedding. It’s an inside joke from a recent Carnival cruise.

  210. Linda says:

    Hi All!
    I have a question I hope you all know the answer… I am booked on the Vista Nov 16th, at that time i am three sailing days short of being Platinum status… obviously by the end of the cruise i will have earned by days to qualify.. Will Carnival give us the Platinum status during this cruise or keep us Gold, has anyone had that happen?

  211. Glenn Montigny says:

    Just a quick question on humor (without the U). Where would one find the comic schedules for the various carnival ships? We’re sailing on the Miracle the week of June 18 and would like to know. Thanks!

  212. Angie says:

    FFS means what? I’m slow I guess … finally got the wywh figured out … LOL!!!

  213. Portia says:

    Hi John!
    We are currently on the Conquest and just need to ask who makes the decision on the entertainment played on the Seaside theater screen? We are dissapointed in the selection of a Live concert of the Bee Gees being played for over two hours. It was so depressing really killed the carefree Caribbean mood! I am a child of the 70’s and I understand that there are guests of all ages aboard. Can Carnival play music from the past five decades in random order instead of playing the entire live concert of one artist or group? Keep up the great work!!

  214. Tana Kilburn says:

    Where can we find a list of the CD’s and what ship they are currently on?

    • Mark Turk says:

      At the very bottom right of the main page is a section marked John’s Help Desk. 2nd item in the list is the CD schedule.

  215. Susan bauer says:

    John, I read where you would like to know when you have cruisers 80 and above…so. On 19 July my husband will board the breeze to celebrate his 80th birthday on 25 June. Booking 7K3LL0. Thank you for your consideration.

  216. Janet says:

    Hi John- I absolutely love reading and seeing your blogs. Just a quick question, would it be possible to have those Bud Light Strawberitas on board? I see you all hove Mike Hards in the fun shops, could you add the strawberitas to the fun shops or bars? Thank you. By the way love what you do.

  217. Tom Easley says:

    John, my wife and recently completed a transatlantic cruise on Princess. We are booked on the Vista in July for a Mediterranean cruise. My question is, Princess provided an ATM type machine that allowed passengers to insert US currency and obtain the local currency (euros, kronos). This service was provided for a nominal fee, I believe it was fifty cents. Does Carnival offer the same service?

  218. Deborah Kiser says:

    My grandson is 9 when he was 6 he was home with a broken arm he contacted our travel agent who he calls gmom and scheduled a cruise on the magic which we did. Now he is looking forward to the Breeze in 2 weeks and especially now that he has discovered the arcade on our last cruise. Just wish him a good cruise Thanks

  219. Connie Slothouber says:

    Hi John. I have a crazy question. Why do the ships not have potato chips on the Deli to go with the Deli Sandwiches? It could be just off brand of Lay’s potato chips. I always have some potato chips with my sandwich. Thank you for all you do with the blog and facebook. Connie

  220. Jeff says:

    John, how can I send you a private message?

  221. Chris says:

    Received call about carnival vista aug 6 sailing. They called to say that the wheelchair accessible room for 4 that we booked in feb was not – why did it take that long to figure out? Now we are in 2 rooms down the hall – fyi the person in wheelchair is our child & each room sleeps 2 – i’ve been working on accessible shore excursions since april – still no info from carnival – i followed your blog while on vista & can’t wait to go – hope the have all bugs worked out by aug 6

  222. Eric Vieweg says:

    I would gladly submit a request on the “Ask John” link if it appeared on my phone or computer. We sail in 3 weeks and I would like to discuss some ideas for a very large group

  223. Heather Helvie says:

    Would it be possible for Carnival to add more fishing excursions? My family is cruising in January and my dad really wants to go fishing. Currently there is only one excursion in Cozumel Mexico and the reviews are horrible.

  224. Andrea says:

    Hi john. Heading on the ledgen aug 16 to Alaska. I was wondering if the fridge in the cabins have a small freezer in it. I need to feeeze an ice pack for my feet at night. If not can u let me know what i have to do thanks andrea

  225. Norman McGarry says:

    I don’t see “Ask John” anywhere on the screen. Also all of the comments below seem to be from 2011 and on your blog it shows NFL Schedule for 2014. What’s going on? I know this doesn’t relate to what’s above, but what else can I do?

  226. Keith Hensley says:

    During a cruise last Labor Day, we were going to withdraw the last bit of money from our Sign and Sail account that we hadn’t spent as of the last night of the cruise. We were told this money could not be refunded so we wound up having to spend it. Is this new Carnival policy? We had withdrawn money out of our S and S account on the last night before with no problems. We were on the Fantasy out of Charleston.

  227. Jennifer Converse says:

    Hi John
    I was wondering when will they put out the new cruise schedule? I want to plan a family cruise on the Carnival Vista for 2018 but the schedule is only goes till April 2018. And can they come out with a new PDF with the smoking areas highlighted for all the ships. It was so much easier to distinguish smoking areas. I am a smoker and always get rooms close to one of the areas. I appreciate your time.
    Thank you
    Jennifer Converse

  228. Tomas Medek says:

    Dear John,

    I will be guest on Carnival Sunshine from 1st of October 2016 and this will be my 21st cruise!

    I would like to take my drone onboard. I know that there are some regulations about it. I have no plan to fly onboard or even close to the ship in the port. I just would like to take some aerial shots of Bermudas. My drone is a little one, nothing special. Is there any option to get permission before embarkation?

    Thank you for your help!

  229. Kat says:

    Can we still bring our own soda on the ship if unopened? NCL has stopped letting you do that so if Carnival going to ban them too?

  230. Neil Clews says:

    Where is the Ask John Tab ???

  231. Robert Gjedrem says:

    Hello Mr. Heald, my wife recently had surgery on her hand, and will need to take medication three times a day. The medication needs to be kept refrigerated as it will be taken through an IV. Please advise us on what we will have to do to insure that there is room to keep then meds safe and refrigerated. Thank you for your help in this matter.

  232. Dana Keane-Dawes says:

    Hi John! I’m on board the Vista right now celebrating my birthday (yesterday) and I am having a blast! This is my 8th cruise and this is by far my favorite ship! Only a minor issue with our dinner reservation and there not being enough room at our table for formal night. But other than that, I just love all the new features and decor! Oh yeah…and Matt Mitchem too! 😊⚓️

  233. Carrie Weaver says:

    We were just trying to plan our day in Gibralter during our TA and noticed that we are scheduled to be there 9-6, but the local port schedule says we depart at 2230. Can you please tell me which is correct? Thank you

  234. Peggy says:

    We will be going on our 19th and 20th cruise with Carnival this September. Back to back cruise on Sensation and even in the same room. But we never receive two separate chocolate strawberries or anything to celebrate that we are honest to goodness Carnival cruisers. Why is this? We worked hard to get to this place with Carnival and they have never even sent us anything like other people get.

  235. Sonja says:


    Has Carnival ever considered having Guy Fieri created a turkey burger? Just got off the Magic and thought a turkey burger option would have been nice.

  236. Sonja says:


    Just disembarked the Magic and Cruise Director, Dr. E., was absolutely outstanding! Personable. Genuine. Funny. Entertaining. He truly made our vacation that much more memorable!

  237. orin Fatolitis says:

    Hello John

    2016 is turning out to be the year of “Take-A-ways”, and in no particular order but frequent cruisers have noticed:

    ·Table cloths

    ·Lobster on cruiser shorter than 5 days

    ·Shrimp cocktail on cruises shorter than 4 days

    ·pillow chocolates/mints

    ·Totally free room service (that’s a zero sum game)

    ·many other things that have gone away that I’ve stopped complaining about and now forgotten they were once included

    While the fish & chips is only on the Conquest ships, it was one of our favorite places, mostly because first timers had no clue that it existed until the final sea day of the cruise. Lucky us!

    I’m a business guy, therefore I understand bottom-line math but Carnival’s business rationale seems entirely tactical, not strategic.

    If there’s any truth to the notion that cruise lines derive 60%+ of their bookings from loyal, repeat customers then the math improves when the number of Gold, Platinum and Diamond guests increases. I recognize the revenue might be different when measured on a per person, spend basis.

    Now, if Carnival’s business plan, under its new CEO, is to increase the number of first-time cruisers; with the notion that first-time cruisers:

    1.Don’t have any preconceived expectations on deliverables and Carnival can do whatever?

    2.Believe that they’re receiving a good value for their money

    3.Will spend more for excursions, casino, drinks, stuff etc. on their first cruise than experienced cruisers spend on subsequent cruises (i.e. thereby generating incremental revenue on a pp/cruise basis)

    4.May take a subsequent cruise(s) and then they’ll follow the buying patterns of other experienced cruisers

    5.Target millennials who are more interested in the action/experience than traditional amenities associated with “their Father’s” cruise.

    If that’s the rationale for the current business plan, then one could make an argument for re-setting expectations and establishing a new-norm in terms of value based on non-traditional metrics.

    Even so, I consider that to be tactical thinking because it focuses on near-term revenue vs. long-term profitability from a mature customer base and market perspective.

    Best Regards
    Orin Fatolitis
    Loyal Platinum Guest

  238. Craig Swiech says:

    Dear John,
    I very much enjoy reading your blog and following you on Facebook. Our family of 6 frequently cruises with Carnival and now we are looking forward to celebrating our 21st Weding Anniversary on the Breeze, on August 21st. Our 4 kids are addicted to Carnival and can not wait to get their hands on a Guy’s burger. We are all very excited because this will be our first time on the BREEZE!

    From following your Blog I learned to ask for your assistance with a couple of things. We are in staterooms 7402 and 7398 and would like to request that the stateroom steward empty the mini bars in those rooms. Also if you could request a large print Fun Times be delivered to stateroom 7398 – we would really appreciate it. Thank you for all of your assistance!
    Craig and Jessica Swiech
    Cory, Breht, Chad, and Aubrey

  239. Mary Ann Cuomo says:

    Hi John, please, please keep the band Music Boardwalk, Music Asia, Music Unlimited,etc. Filipino bands. They are so great. Music Boardwalk even has a FB page of their own with almost 400 likes. I always try to cruise with a ship that has one of these bands on it. We all love them. Please work your magic with Carnival and thank you for your help in this matter.

  240. Jennifer Wehn says:

    Hi John,

    Every year a group of 50+ people, as well as myself go on a carnival cruise. One year, our head waiter was Dejan Vukonic. Next year, May 6-13, we will be aboard the Carnival Magic, and I was wondering if there was a way to get Dejan on that ship so he will be there while we are aboard.

    I would also like to request him as our waiter again if he is able to be on that ship.

    I truly hope you can make this happen for us, as we really love him.


  241. KB says:


    I love your blog. But I must let you know that I am being stocked and harassed online by a fake blogger here. Which is really my next door neb in Lakewood, Ohio named Stewart J Boucher. That for the past 7 years has been stocking me online, at my home and threw us mail. I would like you to remove this comment on your page that was made by him and block him. So he can no longer get a hold of me or bully me on your blog. It is important to know that the police are filling charges against him for stocking, menacing, billing. This is his post. Please remove it off your page. Thank you and block him from signing in to your page or making a name.

    kevin rachor says:

    April 16, 2013 at 6:36 pm

    i hope the pasta isn’t made with eggs…you know–you being a pseudo-vegan and all…


  242. Roxi says:

    Wish you could be on the miracle Oct. 15 Journey cruise

  243. Savonda says:

    We are going to book on the Magic we are getting a balcony we do not smoke so what side do we need to be on so we will not smell smoke on our balcony ? We were looking at beck 8. Or 9

  244. Bill Taylor says:

    John, April 2017 wife and I are sailing out of NOLA on the Dream for the 2nd time but this is special, it’s in celebration of our 35th wedding anniversary. Not a super VIP member by any means but would like some ideas on what I could on the ship i may not have thought of to make it special. We did purchase a balcony cabin but any other ideas would be helpful

  245. Randy Hilderbrand says:

    John I jest got off the liberty and had a good time but one thing jest did not sit right with me after 18 cruises with carnival and one reserved on the new vista. I had an onboard Credit of $50 and the ship staff told me it was only for shore excursions but this information was never given to me during the reservation process. In turn because me and my wife decided to jest relax at the beach and not do an excursion we don’t get the $50 off our bill. I deal this is not right.

  246. Jay Paolucci says:


    I have wanted to know for a while now why some things that would seemingly make sense to be able to book online like spa packages (not individual treatments), dining reservations, show seating, etc. cannot be made via Is this a business policy that makes complete sense and I’m just missing or isn’t that you just haven’t gotten around to adding it to the site yet? It seems that as more options are being added to the new ships there should be a better means to plan for them before actually boarding. To me, running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to book activities once I board is the last thing I want to do. At that point I want all of the hard work of planning to be over and just chill.

    Jay Paolucci

  247. Hope says:

    So looking forward to my second cruise with Carnival next year. I will be taking my husband on our second honeymoon for anniversary it will be or 20 his first cruise. He is nervous but I want him to fall in love with cruising so we can go every year with you all. Our sons will be on anointing rooms they are 27 and 24. They also will be cruising for first time. SO EXCITED

  248. Ivy Mudariki says:

    Hello sir. My apologies as this might not be appropriate here but i only hope it helps me. I am deeply looking for a job opportunity in carnival cruise ship. I am based in Zimbabwe/Africa. I have an international diploma in administration. I am very experienced in administration duties and i have great hospitality experience. I am an excellent hard worker. I am looking for any oppprtunity suitable for me. I can work as a waitress, housekeeping, gift shop assistant, receptionist, clerk, cleaner, room attendant…. I have tried applying on the website but only got replies that they were recruiting USA citizens only or that i should apply in my country but unfortunately there are no agencies in my country at the moment. Please help me i have studied but not able to get a job in my country as the economy is bad at the moment. I really need a job sir, I am currently financially suffering. Please all i need is a job to make a living. I work very hard. I promise i will do my very best to satisfy you with my work.Thank you!

  249. CATHY SIMPSON says:


  250. Cindy Wright says:

    Help, John! I’m very frustrated. I have had a PVP for the past several years and he was great. Apparently he has moved on. We are taking our kids in early December on the Freedom. I have been told since my pvp has left, the only way I can have another personal contact with Carnival is book another cruise. If I have a question or problem, I have to wait on the phone for whoever answers to try and help. And by doing that each time we have to start over. Why can’t I get another pvp to directly work with? This is very frustrating.

  251. Hope Berry says:

    Hey taking my husband and our two son on their first cruise. Oct 30 2017 on Sunshine we will be c celebrate being married 20 years.

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